


the kind of love (i've been dreaming of)

by atlasinhissleeping



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Assassination Attempt(s), Disguise, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Slow Burn, yamato centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 41,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28034067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlasinhissleeping/pseuds/atlasinhissleeping
Summary: It's not like Tenzo had asked to be in an arranged marriage, after all, that was the royal cabinet's idea. But secrets meetings with a stranger he's met in the forest? That's definitely not in the marriage contract.It's harmless fun anyway-- at least, that's how it starts.(self indulgent royalty + arranged marriage au kkyam fic)
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 116
Kudos: 136





	1. i. there's an art to life's distractions

**Author's Note:**

> i am trying out slowburn we will see how this goes..... also chapters currently at 15 but i don't know if it will stay like that. 
> 
> ABOUT THE TAGS + RATING:
> 
> TW // referenced child abuse, slight violence, slight gore, slight blood
> 
> this story will reference child abuse but it will never ever be explicit. i will put a trigger warning at the start of every chapter where it is mentioned. there will also be an assassination attempt so there will be some blood in that upcoming chapter.  
> if anyone has any other triggers please please let me know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzo's secret hiding spot in the forest is not as hidden as he thinks, but that's the least of his worries right now.

Tenzo tries to convince himself that he isn’t upset, but the tree that he is slashing into is starting to look extremely mutilated. His shoulders are starting to burn as he hacks away at the bark, breaths coming out deep and ragged, and the tight ball of fury and disappointment in his chest starts to ebb away. It’s not like he _wanted_ to be in an arranged marriage. If he had any say in the matter he would’ve been happily single in the castle forever and not stuck with the world’s most standoffish fiance. He doesn’t blame him for not being enthusiastic, but Tenzo is one dinner away from getting on his knees and begging the guy to hold a conversation that lasted longer than two minutes. 

He swings his sword with more force than needed when he’s reminded of the flippant way his fiance had eyed him up and down before turning on his heel and walking away. Tenzo’s sword gets embedded into the tree and he stops to catch his breath. His grip loosens, he shuffles forward and he leans to press his forehead against the rough bark of the tree. Autumn is starting to sink in, Tenzo realises, his sweat cooling in the breeze and he observes the yellow tipped leaves that scatter across the forest floor.

He had _tried_. Tenzo wouldn’t brand himself as the most charming, but he could carry out interesting conversations and entertain any topic that people threw at him, yet it seemed like he didn’t manage to pique any of his fiance’s interests. Tenzo had tried to approach him outside of compulsory meetings to try to get to know him better, but it seems like his fiance is _avoiding_ him, and he’s conveniently always either out of the palace or preoccupied in another meeting. Tenzo isn’t stupid. He knows when to take a hint and he eventually gave up all his valiant efforts, if you could brand his pathetic searches around the castle as valiant.

A bubble of frustration rises in his chest and Tenzo surges backwards, grabbing the sword again and yanks it out of the tree. He starts to swing his sword again to fight off the hot childish tears that sting his eyes, and the sharp shards of disappointment embed themselves into his chest. Their interaction in the corridor was borderline humiliating and he hated feeling belittled. Kakashi Hatake, the crown prince of the neighbouring kingdom, with his cold unresponsive eyes and unruly mop of silver hair, and that’s all that Kakashi had to offer because the rest was covered by a mask. He apparently also had his innate skill of whittling Tenzo down to an embarrassing example of a prince.

“If you wanted to cut down that tree, I would suggest you use an axe not a sword.” 

The voice startles Tenzo and he nearly jumps out of his skin. He swivels round, sword cautiously lowered, and finds a stranger doting by the treeline, a canvas tucked under his left arm and his right hand preoccupied with a heavy satchel. Tenzo stares at the stranger for a moment and he has to squint because the sun is reflecting off the lake and into his eyes, the sound of his heavy breathing is his only response before he places his sword back into its sheath. He takes a wary eyeful of the stranger, the concept of assassinations is not foreign to Tenzo, and many unassuming figures had approached him before displaying a dagger or vial of poison. The man has loose brown curls that hang over his light grey eyes which are decorated with purple paint, the paint follows down the curve of his cheek and stops short above a sharp smile.

“Thank you, I can go back to painting in peace.” the stranger quips and it makes Tenzo’s eye twitch. 

“You have a whole forest.” Tenzo snaps haughtily. He gestures his arm broadly in an arch to emphasise the neverending foliage. “You don’t have to paint right next to me.”

He did not have the patience to handle any snarky remarks today, and if someone complained to the palace that the crown prince was being rude, then he would just sit and pray that Tsunade would not reduce him to tears. 

The stranger, who had begun to turn, looks over his shoulder and his eyes quickly flit over Tenzo, head to toe. Before Tenzo can feel like he’s a piece of meat that’s been hung and quartered at the butcher’s in the market, the stranger says, “I thought knights had their own training grounds.”

Tenzo quirks an eyebrow and quickly looks down at his apparel. He didn’t wear his usual princely outfit, it was difficult to move around in it, and god forbid he would ruin another set of silk shirts because he was reckless with his sword. Tsunade had been hesitant to even let him _look_ at a blade, let alone handle one, so he instead sported a simple cotton tunic. The fabric was much more breathable and left him a lot of mobility to practice his sword fighting forms, or in this instance, space to take his frustrations out on a tree. 

That was beside the point, this forest had been Tenzo’s getaway for as long as he could remember, a place where he could just be Tenzo and not have the weight of the kingdom weigh down on his shoulders. It was usually empty too, with his hideout in the furthest point of the forest, nobody bothered to venture out unless they were looking for an adventure and that suited Tenzo just fine. He didn’t have the towering walls of the palace, nor the suffocating gazes of the guards, and most importantly, the aloof fiance that wouldn’t spare a glance in his direction. What he had instead was the protective branches of the trees hanging over his head, providing shade when the sun was too hot, and the welcoming waters of the lake that twinkled brighter than the castle’s treasury.

“I’m not a knight,” Tenzo answers, but is careful to not reveal his true identity. It seems that the stranger hasn’t recognised the crown prince, afterall, he isn’t donning his crown or royal robes. “I just like to practice out here, it’s nice and quiet.” 

The stranger mulls over Tenzo’s reply in silent thought before marching over to stand next to the crown prince. He’s slightly taller up close, Tenzo notes, his head tilts back slightly to look at the stranger in the face. “I suppose you don’t mind if I paint quietly then?” the stranger offers, voice light and soft. 

Tenzo cocks a brow. “Right next to me?”

“It’s a nice view, can you blame me?” 

Tenzo hopes the flush that spackles his face is from the earlier sword practice. The stranger starts to unfold his easel and props the canvas onto it, he drops the heavy satchel and the clatter of paints and brushes are muffled by the forest floor. Tenzo watches as the stranger sheds his coat and scarf, his scarf the same shade of purple that is painted on the stranger’s face. His shoulders are broad for an artist, Tenzo thinks, maybe he carved sculptures too?

“Are you planning on accompanying me?” the stranger asks as he rolls up his sleeves. “Seeing as you’ve made no move to leave.”

Tenzo whizzes through his plans for the rest of the day, he had initially planned on staying here until just before sunset in order to make it back home for dinner, but then he’s reminded of the empty chair across his table and the cold, rubbery food that is left at the end of the night. He thinks of the long winding and lonely halls of the palace, so large yet so small with the way it seems to constrict him, like a snake who had him in her vices. Her body coiling and contracting, her eyes cold and dark like his fiance’s, unwavering and closed off, offering no reply nor questions.

He decides, “Yes. I would like some company.”

The stranger smiles at him warmly. “It’s Sukea, by the way.” 

“Oh,” the statement catches Tenzo off guard, he had forgotten to exchange names and then remembers he can’t expose his status. He tries to think of an alias, but the only thing coming up in his mind is the most recent discussion about the royal navy and their voyages, so the name he supplies is, “It’s Yamato.” 

Sukea shares the same welcoming smile, “It’s nice to meet you, Yamato.”

He prepares his paints on a palette and Tenzo observes quietly. He didn’t really have many friends his age, it was difficult to make connections unless they were with other nobility, and most of the time there were underhanded intentions of marriage and it quickly gave Tenzo a distaste for spontaneous visits from other kingdoms, especially ones that hauled their crown princes or princesses along with them. Tsunade wasn’t opposed to the idea, she thought it would be beneficial for Tenzo to make bonds and _you need friends, Tenzo, your friend who looks after the stables nor the knights constitute as friends_. On the other hand, Tsunade also wasn’t the one who got pinned to the wall by a drunk crown prince who tried to strike up a conversation before promptly throwing up on Tenzo’s favourite pair of shoes. 

So Tenzo patiently watches instead, he follows the swift and confident strokes that Sukea carves on the canvas. He’s never been on the artist’s side of the canvas before, and allows himself to be entertained by the art. His portrait sessions took hours and staggered over a few days, he used to dread the event every year, partly because keeping still for hours on end was difficult, but also the painters didn't partake his invitations for conversation or any form of brain stimuli. They were all mind numbingly boring, however, watching Sukea place jade greens across the landscape and scatter autumn’s sunset yellow across the treetops had Tenzo mesmerised. 

“You’re surprisingly quiet for someone who decided to butcher a tree ten minutes ago.” Sukea’s tone is full of mirth.

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t butcher trees in my spare time,” Tenzo matches Sukea’s lighthearted poke. “I just,” he sighs and tears his eyes away from the painting, “had a lot on my mind.” 

Sukea makes a sympathetic noise, and then quickly smooths the tension in his face. “You know, other people find ways to let out their frustration without harming trees,” he suggests eyeing the mangled bark. “Painting, for example, is an excellent release.” 

“I can’t paint,” Tenzo shrugs and his eyes survey the pots and brushes that lay around Sukea’s boots. 

“Here.” Sukea holds out a spare brush. “I’ll teach you.”

Tenzo can’t help the smile that surges on his face as he takes the brush in his hand. For the first time, in a long time, he’s making friends with someone that isn’t blinded by the glare of the crown and it fills his chest with unbridled glee.

Sukea guides him through the process, voice gentle and teasing but he never reprimands Tenzo, even when the trunks of the trees look slightly too wide and the skyline isn’t blended as smoothly as the rest of the piece. Sukea explains the colours and how to mix them, how to measure objects and the perspective by just using his thumb for proportions. It’s only when Sukea begins to blend the reflection of the lake that Tenzo realises it is sunset and that he’s going to be late for dinner. 

“Oh!” he exclaims, withdrawing his brush from the canvas and leaves the lake unfinished. “I didn’t realise the time, I have to--”

Tenzo places the brush on the stand, rummages around before finding his cloak and hastily fixing it over his shoulders, he didn’t bring anything else except his sword which is kept safe in the sheath that’s fastened around his hips. 

“I’m so sorry but I have to leave.” Tenzo says. 

“Don’t worry, I shan’t keep you any longer,” Sukea replies and waves a dismissive hand. 

“I hope to see you again, Sukea.”

“I suppose if you are kind enough to share this patch of forest with me, then I shall return.” He winks and Tenzo resists the urge to scoff. 

“Goodbye! I bid you goodnight.” 

With that, Tenzo turns and all but runs back home. 

To say that Tsuande is annoyed is an understatement. She’s borderline furious when Tenzo arrives at the gates and the night sky behind him has submerged into an inky darkness. When Tenzo reaches the top of the palace steps, she quickly huffs a sigh of relief before flicking him on the forehead. “What took you so long?” Tsunade asks as Tenzo rubs the sore spot on his forehead. 

Her brows are furrowed, she has her arms crossed again and her rich blonde hair is tied back, as it is when she’s stressed or annoyed. She’s still wearing her day gown, a sage green floor length dress, and Tenzo knows she’s been in meetings with advisors all day.

“I lost track of time,” he reasons.

They begin to enter the palace and follow the route to the dining hall. Tenzo spares a terse bow to each guard at the doors while he follows behind Tsunade like a scolded child. Although there are colourful tapestries decorating the stone walls, they do little to hide the dull, repetitive lull that encompasses the palace, and if they were to take the shape of the dungeon bars, Tenzo wouldn’t notice the difference. 

The doors to the dining hall are large, as most things are in the palace, obnoxiously grand but spiritually empty. The palace had lost most of its charm when King Hashirama passed, and when King Sarutobi took over with Lord Danzo as his advisor, the palace nearly became unsalvageable and it took lots of efforts from Tsunade to clean the mess that had been made. Unfortunately, Tenzo had grown up under Lord Danzo’s care and his early memories of the palace aren’t pleasant ones. It’s only the small places the Tsunade occupies that Tenzo feels true comfort in, and she’s still trying to reestablish the Senju name in the kingdom.

There are two plates left on the dining table, one for him and for his fiance, but it no longer strikes him the same pang of disappointment anymore. (But it still rings echoes in his chest). Although the dining table is long and wide, a size that could easily accommodate a small party, it is often used for dinners by the family in the palace and it makes the empty space Kakashi leaves every night far greater. Tenzo casts that thought aside as he takes his place on the table and Tsunade sits adjacently. 

“Your hands are filthy, Tenzo.” Tsunade frowns when Tenzo brings them up from under the table. 

He looks down and to find smears and splatterings of paint decorating his hands, he smiles to himself when he is reminded of his spontaneous afternoon. Although he’s hesitant to wash the paint and to part with the moments that they remind him of, Tenzo rises to quickly nip to the closest washroom which is only across the hall. As he reaches for the door, it swings open and nearly catches him in the face if he were not quick enough to jump back. Kakashi emerges from the other side, looking unimpressed with the sight that greets him on the other side and says nothing as he turns and leaves. Tenzo quickly stamps the bitter taste that rises in his mouth and goes to wash his hands. 

Tsunade is quiet while Tenzo eats, but he knows she’s curious about the paint. At least she waits until he finishes his dinner to speak up, and with a teasing lilt she asks, “Why did you have paint on your hands, Tenzo?”

“I met a painter while I was out practicing.” Tenzo replies simply. “He taught me how to paint.” 

Tsunade’s face tenses at the thought of Tenzo being unprotected at the hands of a stranger, but then she eases into a more amicable expression. “So you made a friend, Prince Tenzo?”

Tenzo tries not to flush because it’s borderline embarrassing that his aunt still interrogates him about _making friends_ and he feels too old to be discussing these sorts of things with her. However, he still can’t help the smile that erupts on his face, “Yes--well I hope so,” Tenzo falters. “I was hoping to see him again tomorrow. I may teach him swordfighting in exchange.” 

Tsunade laughs benevolently. “Don’t tell me you’re going to try to teach a _painter_ how to handle a sword? You’d have more luck practicing with the junior knights.” 

“Y’know he wasn’t scrawny for an artist.” Tenzo comments mindlessly.

Tsunade’s eyebrows shoot up and she casts him a knowing look. “Don’t forget you’re still engaged, Tenzo.” 

“I wasn’t implying anything!” Tenzo splutters as Tsunade laughs again.

Then her face becomes serious. “How is it going?” she asks, voice soft but firm.

Tsunade had been hopeful. The arranged marriage wasn’t her idea, but the royal cabinet had been urging her to find a solution for the lineage and since she had no direct heir, Tenzo had been the next candidate. It would’ve been easy if Tsunade could just pass the crown onto him, but after King Sarutobi’s disastrous reign the cabinet had urged connections with other kingdoms to be made. There had been controversy around Tenzo’s birthright too, many displaying their abject disgust due to his improper lineage and often casting him aside as the bastard son of an unknown Senju line that died in insignificance many years ago. Not to mention, the tightlipped secret about Lord Danzo’s interference with the Senju line that had directly affected Tenzo, which left Tsunade launching across the room and nearly throttling the Lord if her lady in waiting, Shizune, had not held her back. Tenzo had aired his qualms about the arranged marriage, but he was resigned to the idea of duty over heart and silently agreed to the offer unbeknownst to Tsunade. 

“Not well.” Tenzo frowns, because he could never lie to Tsunade.

Her face copies the same expression, “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t want it.” 

“I needed to do it.”

_“Tenzo._ ”

They’ve had this conversation before and Tenzo knows exactly how it’ll go. Tsunade will tell him that he doesn’t have to do this because she wants him to be happy, and then try to discreetly fight off the entire royal cabinet that aren’t concerned with expressing how they feel about the crown prince. He has tried to convince Tsunade that it was going well, but he could only keep the charade up for so long. He couldn’t even tell Tsunade what his fiance’s favourite colour is.

“I tried.” Tenzo offers exasperated. “It’s like he doesn’t want to talk to me.” 

Tsunade exhales deeply and brings two fingers up to rub her temple. “It’s going to take some time, I know that King Sakumo’s son had a reputation for being reserved but he had confidence that Kakashi would open up. I’m sure he’ll open up soon.” 

Tenzo’s shoulders sag and he tries not to look unconvinced. “Thank you for keeping my dinner,” he says as he rises. “I think it’s best if I head to my chambers now.”

“Goodnight Tenzo.” 

He bows and leaves. 

The earliest memories of Danzo’s study are hazy. There were two walls lined with bookshelves and a large desk that was often cluttered with books left on opened pages, unfinished papers, and letters that waited patiently for a response. Much like the rest of the castle, Danzo’s study was unremarkable, and hidden in the deep recesses of the Southern Castle. The castle was still a part of the main palace, but it was reserved for members of the advisory board or other visiting nobles, and it was where Danzo hid Tenzo right under the noses of the royal family. Despite all its gloom, the Southern Castle was one of the warmest places in the kingdom, and the sun would cast her face to the garden and beckon the flowers to bloom. If Tenzo was fortunate enough, Danzo would allow him briefly into the garden where he would collect flowers and press them into his precious book. It wasn’t leather bound like the other books in Danzo’s collection, Tenzo couldn’t afford that, and Danzo wouldn’t spare him one either so he had to make do with a paper bound book. 

Sukea is gentle when he paints the cover of the book a couple of weeks later after their initial meeting. Tenzo thinks that Sukea may be handling his book softer than he ever has. Large hands bending slightly at the knuckle, sturdy enough to keep the book still, but not too firm so that the book creases. He uses his watercolour paints because the oil paints take too long to dry, he had said, and Tenzo’s book would’ve been in the autumn sun for days before he could even touch the book without smudging the paint. He’s sitting cross legged under the shade of a tree, the jar of water collected from the lake are placed precariously next to Sukea’s left knee while Tenzo occupies the space on his right. 

He tries not to stare but watching his book cover come to life is mesmerising, and when Sukea catches him looking for the fourth time in the span of twenty minutes, he laughs and lowers the book. “I thought you were collecting the autumn flowers,” Sukea says and his eyes drop down to look at the bundle in Tenzo’s grasp. 

“I _was_ ,” Tenzo states and clutches the flowers closer to his chest defensively. “I just like to watch you paint.” 

“I know.” Sukea says without missing a beat. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sukea doesn’t reply, instead he hums and he continues with his work. Tenzo drops the subject and begins to inspect the chrysanthemums he collected earlier. He’d have to wait until Sukea is finished with the book to begin pressing, but he doesn’t mind, the flowers are wet with dew anyway and they could dry alongside the book cover. Besides, the sun is shining high in the sky and Tenzo invites the pleasant warmth on his shoulders that battles the cool, sharp air that announces autumn’s settling.

Tenzo is arranging the flowers on the ground when Sukea asks, “Who are you collecting flowers for?” 

He doesn’t take his eyes off the cover and Tenzo replies simply, “For me.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Yamato.” Sukea prods lightly. “Pressing flowers in books for someone is quite a romantic gesture.” 

Tenzo stops arranging the flowers to meet Sukea’s gaze. “They’re for me,” he parrots. “I’ve always collected flowers since I was young. It’s become a small hobby of mine.” 

He remembers those moments when colour would fill his world and replace the neverending swirl of black ink on parchment paper. How he used to wake up bright and early during spring just to catch the different stages of a flower in bloom. He still has his first book tucked away in his drawers for safekeeping.

“I never pegged you for a flower pressing kind,” Sukea comments, “considering that you hacked up a tree two weeks ago.” 

“When are you going to let me live that down?” Tenzo groans.

Sukea shares a snarky grin and Tenzo childishly sticks his tongue out in response before returning to his work. The silence here is a familiar one, it’s not suffocating like the one in the palace where every breath out of place felt loud, but peaceful. A silence that cuts the tension loose from Tenzo’s shoulders and one that he could lose himself forever. A balm to the constant chittering in his brain, but a different quiet starts to form. Sukea is starting to slowly occupy the empty space with the hum of his brushstrokes and the tinkle of water from the jar, the new silence is warm and friendly, and Tenzo is more than happy to welcome it.

“All finished.” Sukea says and places the book under the sunlight. He peers over Tenzo’s shoulder at the discarded flowers. “What’s wrong with those?”

“They won’t press properly if the flowers overlap on the page. I just picked the best flowers.” Tenzo shrugs. 

Sukea leans over to take the excess flowers, and he places them in the space between his crossed legs before starting to intertwine them together. Tenzo immediately catches on and is up on his feet to collect a more colourful display. He picks other foliage, plucking at the brightest and greenest ones before they would wilt under autumn’s chill. When he returns to their space, Sukea is patiently waiting for the next bunch to add onto the chain and he stretches his arm out to take Tenzo’s bunches. 

“I’ve always wondered how these were made.” Tenzo comments mirroring Sukea in his position and trying to figure out the rhythmic pattern that Sukea is tying the flowers in. 

“It’s easy. My friend used to make one for me every summer.” Sukea says and tilts the crown towards Tenzo. “You begin with a flower with a long stem, add another and wrap its stem around the original flower. You keep repeating until you get a crown.”

Tenzo plucks a few from their shared pile and slowly crafts his own crown. It’s a little more sparse than Sukea’s and the spaces between the flower heads are uneven but Tenzo soon loses himself in the repetitive motion of it. He thinks of the summer festival and the stalls that would sell these every year, but only ever had the chance to wear it once, the summer before they found out his birthright. He wasn’t allowed to go to the festival, but Danzo had trusted him with a small errand that so happened to cut through the town.The flowers had been yellow and bright, and nearly as noisy as the festival. He’s cut loose from his thoughts when Sukea reaches over to place the crown on his head, and Tenzo nearly drops the crown he’s fiddling with. 

“All finished.” Sukea says almost triumphantly. He leans back on his hands to admire his work. 

The flower crown has pushed some of Tenzo’s hair into his eyes and he tries his best to summon a playful glare from under his hair, but his voice is soft when he says, “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sukea says with a nonchalant shake of his hand. 

He then tilts his head and Tenzo tries not to flounder under Sukea’s gaze. He’s never done well under scrutiny. The artist shifts so he kneels in front of Tenzo, the flowers on the ground occupying the only space between them as Sukea threads more flowers through the crown to make it look fuller. Tenzo follows the drawl of Sukea’s scarf from around his neck to where it pools slightly on the grass to distract himself from the artist’s heavy gaze. Sukea then sits back on his heels, takes another long look and says, “Stay still.” 

Tenzo is crafting his third crown when he realises he’s squinting in the quickly diminishing sunlight. _Not again_. Sukea had asked if he could keep making flower crowns while he painted and Tenzo had quietly obliged. At least Sukea was a lot more entertaining during portrait sessions than the ones that were commissioned by the palace, and Tenzo had started to become better at making the flower crowns. His third one looks firmer and fuller than the previous ones with Sukea sporting the initial one on his head, his brown curls poke through the spaces between the leaves and softly lay between the petals. Sukea is looking at Tenzo again, but the crown prince iis quickly rising to his feet and he looks over the lake to confirm that it’s time for him to leave. 

“That time again?” Sukea quips and stops painting. He puts the brush in a cloth and cleans it. 

“Unfortunately so.” Tenzo affirms and bends over to collect his book.

He gently smooths the cover and admires Sukea’s handiwork, the flowers are deep and vibrant on the page, brassy oranges, bold reds leap off the cover and the mossy green leaves seem to curl into themselves. He tucks the book into his satchel alongside the flowers wrapped in wax paper to press for later. 

They bid their goodbyes and Tenzo rushes home again. Tsunade had warned him to not make it a habit, but it’s rapidly becoming one. He would turn up at the steps of the castle, already feeling half scolded, but then Tsunade would see that bright smile on his face and shake her head fondly instead.

“What’s this?” she asks. 

She raises her hand to feel the petals. In his rush he had forgotten that he’s still donning the flower crown from earlier, Tenzo tries not to beam as he replies, “A flower crown. Sukea made it for me.” 

“This Sukea looks like he’s trying to court you,” Tsunade says in a tone that Tenzo is sure that’s meant to be teasing, but there’s a crease between her brows as if she’s really contemplating the idea that there’s a chance that Sukea might really be courting Tenzo.

“Don’t worry, we’re just friends,” Tenzo assures her when they step inside the palace.

“You crown princes with your friends constantly showering you in flowers.” Tsunade remarks. 

“I didn’t realise that there was such a convenient phrase.”

“Oh no, there isn’t,” Tsunade says. “You know for all that talk about how you don’t get along, you and Prince Kakashi have a lot in common.” 

“What do you mean?”

“He came back to the palace leaving flowers everywhere. The maids kicked up quite a fuss about it.”

Later that evening, Tenzo is careful to not leave flowers anywhere when he places the crown on top of his dresser. When he arranges the chrysanthemums into the page, his mind drifts off to deft, long fingers tying stems together and the tender support of a warm palm under a blooming bud. When he slips into bed and closes his eyes, the imprints of colour are no longer the loud flowers, but instead the mild lavender paint that follows the curve of a cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com
> 
> i am currently semi-ia on both but i'm more active on twt!! shout at me on there:-)


	2. ii. why would you make out of words a cage for your own bird?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The royal cabinet arranges a meeting. Tsunade has the tendency to drink after a meeting with the royal cabinet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw // alcohol, drinking  
> starts at  
> "As royalty, there are virtues to maintain and an image in order to keep reputation..." and ends at "“Steady on.” the voice says from behind. “Let’s get you to bed.”" 
> 
> Tenzo gets drunk for the rest of the chapter though

As far as meetings go, there’s always a fine line between entertaining and unbearingly tedious, and that fine line is always dictated by Tsunade. Two members of the royal cabinet had arranged a meeting to see progress on the engagement and discuss the future prospects of connecting the two kingdoms. Tsunade sits at the head of the table while Tenzo and Kakashi are sitting by her right. Tenzo shifts uncomfortably, he isn’t sure if it’s due to his restlessness or because he’s forced to wear his most formal clothes and the collar of his doublet scratches his throat. He’d been caught fixing his neckline five times by Minister Mitokado who had shot him a beady glare from behind his glasses and Tenzo stopped moving.

The ministers are unanimous in their decision, content with the benefits that they and the kingdom are going to reap now that a full-blooded Prince is going to be joining the throne. However, Tenzo receives the impression that although it won’t fix the muddled history of his background, Kakashi’s reputation and lineage can be used to divert the attention and return _purity_ to the throne. Tenzo notices the almost unmissable clench of Tsunade’s fist and the way her jaw tightens, and knows that the fine line has been crossed. The meeting is quickly veering into entertaining and he braces himself for it. He’s not sure if it’s going to be good entertainment, but it’s entertainment nonetheless. 

“I thought this meeting was going to include the wellbeing of the two crown princes,” Tsunade mentions when a moment’s silence introduces itself into the meeting, “but it seems all you’ve done today is discuss _money_.” 

“We have already discussed this, Queen Tsunade.” Lady Utatane says curtly before Tsunade can get another word in. She sits on the left on the other end of the table. “They’ve both agreed to wed for the sake of the kingdom and neither seem to be too unhappy with the other. What else do we need to discuss?”

Tenzo silently winces. His face scrunching up involuntarily. He wants to agree, he wants to say that the arrangement is going beyond everybody’s expectations, but truth be told, he’s spending more time in the forest with an artist than his own fiance in the palace. His thoughts drift to Sukea, Tenzo had been optimistically hopeful that the meeting wasn’t going to take long, but they’re burning into the second candle and the sun is slowly inching from the highest point in the sky, and he abandons all hope of escaping this meeting to see Sukea. They had planned to swap books and Tenzo longingly daydreams about reading in the bask of the gentle autumn sun.

“They barely know each other. How do you expect them to _rule_ two kingdoms together? Tsunade retorts. Her arms come up to cross over her chest. 

“That’s why the wedding is next spring, Queen Tsunade. That should be more than ample time for the princes to get acquainted with each other.” Minister Mitokado says plainly as if it’s that simple. If this is their perception of love, then it’s no wonder why the royal cabinet are so miserable all the time. 

“What if they decide they want to marry someone else?” Tsunade argues. She raises her chin up defiantly. “What happens if they find someone else? What happens then?”

Minister Mitokado sourly says, “Then I’m sure they’ll know better than to sacrifice the sake of the kingdom for some little _fling_.” 

Lady Shizune steps closer to Tsunade as a precaution because the Queen looks as if she’s ready to tear the Minister’s head off with her bare hands, and Tenzo has no doubt that she could and she would. Tension seeps through the walls like treacle, viscous but it approaches slowly. Tenzo starts to feel hot under his collar. He knows that Tsunade is actively arguing for his sake without placing him into the equation, but he can’t help but feel that the cabinet believes that he’s the fickle one out of the two. He loves Tsunade, he really does, but sometimes her authority comes from a place of overprotectiveness and not one of much pragmatism. So he steps in before she can say anything else. 

“Thank you,” Tenzo says abruptly. His chair scrapes obnoxiously loud. He stands too quickly and it sends a rush to his head. “This meeting has been productive and I appreciate the royal cabinet for taking time out of their day to discuss our arrangement.” 

“ _Tenzo_.” Tsunade warns, voice dangerously low but she doesn’t stop him from talking. 

He takes a deep breath to settle his nerves before he continues and turns to Tsunade. “Queen Tsunade, I’m grateful for your efforts for making me comfortable during this process, but with all due respect, I made the decision on my own and I’ll carry it out until the end.” He then faces the royal cabinet. “It’s been an honour to hear the cabinet’s opinions and I would just like to assure the board that I’m more than happy to move forward with the arrangement.” 

Tenzo sinks back into his chair and fights the anxiety that grapples his neck. He really hopes his outburst doesn’t place him any lower in the ranks of the royal cabinet, but he’s sure you can’t go lower than rock bottom. Tsunade’s hand reaches over and gives his own a gentle squeeze. Comforting and grounding, even in moments like these. 

“Thank you, Prince Tenzo.” she says fondly. “I shouldn’t let how I feel dictate how you make your decisions, _but_ ,” Tsunade then turns and lands a thunderous look to the two nobles, “if at any point either prince wants to step out, then they should be given the chance to do so.”

Both nobles press their lips in a thin line as they mull over both Senju’s statements. They bow their heads together to discuss in a frenzied murmur, their eyes coming to look at Tenzo every so often and the feeling it brings violently provokes a memory buried deep inside his brain. He’s reminded of Danzo and that small, tight study that somehow managed to leave him feeling exposed to too much and not enough. He remembers feeling less human, no longer a boy, Danzo used to insist, you are a royal, Danzo would marvel before commanding Tenzo to recite the kingdom’s values for the seventh time that evening. Tenzo remembers feeling too small while Danzo cast a shape far too big for him to fill out, and Tenzo would stretch himself thin trying to meet his expectations. He has always been never enough. Even now, it seems, that statement still rings true.

Tsunade’s hand grounds him to reality. She squeezes again and her face is creased with concern. “Are you feeling alright, Tenzo?” 

“Just tired.” Tenzo answers as closely as he can to the truth. His chest is tight with tension. “I didn’t realise this meeting was going to take so long.” 

“We can dig into my special stash of liquor later for dinner tonight,” Tsunade winks and Lady Shizune clears her throat. “You can join too, Shizune.”

Before Lady Shizune can reprimand Tsunade on her drinking habits, Lady Utatane raises her head and harrumphs to gain attention of the room. “We will discuss this further _without_ the crown princes.” she states and rises to her feet. “Queen Tsunade, please accompany us. This will be brief.” 

Tsunade follows suit with Lady Shizune trailing behind, but she stops at the door and turns to the princes. “You are not dismissed yet. Wait here.” 

The door clicking shut bounces loudly off the walls of the meeting room and Tenzo allows himself to stop holding his back so ramrod straight. A deep exhale escapes his mouth, he didn’t realise he had even been holding his breath, and he resists the urge to lay his head on the table. He still has appearances to keep up after all. That image, unfortunately, breaks quite quickly when his empty stomach rumbles and reminds him that he hasn’t eaten breakfast or lunch. He had planned on bringing a huge picnic to share with Sukea, but the meeting is overrunning and his stomach suffers the consequences. He presses a hand to his stomach in an attempt to mute the noise and feels heat prickle his cheeks, at least this didn’t happen in front of the cabinet.

Tenzo laments after the thought of food. He wonders what the cooks have whipped up today, but then tries to leave that thought astray because his stomach gurgles again and Kakashi’s definitely looking at him now. 

“Here.” Kakashi says so lowly that Tenzo almost misses it. 

Tenzo looks over to find Kakashi offering him a small bread roll, it’s bedded on cloth and Kakashi’s presenting it with an open palm. “Huh?” Tenzo says dumbly. Why on earth did Kakashi bring _bread_ into a meeting?

“Are you hungry or not?” Kakashi prompts and raises his hand closer to Tenzo to punctuate his sentence. 

“Yes, I–thank you.” He says quickly before the offer escape him and gingerly plucks the roll from Kakashi’s palm. 

Kakashi leans back in his seat, folding the cloth neatly and hides it back again in between the layers of his doublet while Tenzo tucks into the loaf. When did bread taste so delicious? He thinks he’s going to grab an extra roll at dinner after this. 

It’s quiet. He really shouldn’t push it, considering that they’ve already reached their maximum conversation input for the day, but Tenzo can’t help himself. 

“Do you usually bring bread into meetings?” He asks after swallowing. 

Kakashi lazily quirks his brow and he almost looks bemused. “Not really, but I suppose it’s a good thing I did today.”

He nods at the bread in Tenzo’s hand and the brunette shares a sheepish smile. Silence falls over the room again and Tenzo decides not to disturb it. He turns his gaze to the window instead and daydreams of leaving the palace. He thinks of his escape to the forest, easily mapping his route and swears he can recall each leaf from memory. The crunch of foliage under his feet, how the branches greet him with their stretching arms and the way the birds would sing at his introduction. Then at the end of the path, there’ll be a lake that beckons him, and unbidden, the figure of Sukea takes form in the front of his mind. He can’t wait to waste another day with Sukea tomorrow. Life is easy in their hidden patch in the forest, Tenzo thinks about how quickly they can sear through the day and how _freeing_ it is, just to talk without concern about feedback, and how he can laugh so unrestrained and loudly. He didn’t even realise he could smile so much in one day.

In the corner of Tenzo’s eye, the gold buttons on Kakashi’s doublet catches on the sunlight and captures Tenzo’s attention. Kakashi slouches and sinks lower in his seat, his hands clasped together over his stomach and thumbs twiddling over each other. Tenzo wonders if Kakashi feels as tied down as he does, and wonders how Kakashi feels about anything at all. _How does he feel about me?_ Tenzo thinks absently. The royal cabinet had insisted things were going fine, according to their perspective this is how most arranged marriages started out, but Kakashi seems so unhappy and it’s been a whole month, and he still knows nothing at all. Except for the fact that he sneaks food into meetings, and as juvenile as it is, it’s something new that he’s learned. 

“I’ve never seen anyone do that before,” Kakashi says. 

It nearly startles Tenzo who is munching on the last part of the loaf. He looks at Kakashi who’s staring up at the ceiling. “Seen what?” Tenzo asks perplexed. Maybe this meeting is getting to the both of them. They probably need fresh air immediately. 

“Talk to Queen Tsunade like that.” Kakashi clarifies and rolls his head to look at Tenzo. 

The mask covers up, what Tenzo imagines, would be Kakashi’s version of a crooked smile, somewhat begrudgingly impressed and wry. Tenzo shrugs, “She’s an excellent Queen, the best the kingdom’s seen in decades, but her decisions as my aunt are too personal. You’d understand, I mean, you had a choice in this arrangement didn’t you?”

For a moment, in Kakashi’s dark stone grey eyes, there’s a sliver that opens up that encompasses a myriad of flitting emotions before he closes them. A sturdy gaze settling over his features instead. A moment of hesitation. He then tenses, as if he’s going to answer Tenzo but then the door swings open and the royal ensemble reenter the room. 

Everyone settles back in their places, and Lady Utatane stands up to deliver her statement. “We, the royal cabinet, have decided that the arrangement will proceed as normal, and if at any point either prince would like to withdraw from the arrangement then they are free to do so. _However_ , there must be good reason for the withdrawal and it must be addressed with us immediately. Are we all in agreement with what we’ve discussed today?” 

A chorus of _yea_ is said around the room. Tenzō assumes that reasons that fall under good reasons are political and that there’s really no way to back out of this, but he remembers how Tsunade had handled Danzo and thinks he’ll be in good hands. It’s not like he has any to reason to concede in the first place. He throws a cursory glance at Kakashi and tries to settle the idea that’s jumping around his head. He doesn’t know if Kakashi has any _good reasons_ to withdraw either, but Tenzo can’t blame him if he does. There are many other prospective courters that descend from a pure blood line, Tenzō could name them all in one breath–because Danzo had it drilled into his brain–and he’s sure they’re more suitable for this arrangement. _Far more suitable than I ever could be_ , intrudes his brain before he can stop it.

Lady Utatane continues to speak, “Good, but before this meeting is dismissed, I have a request from the princes concerning the kingdom’s upcoming Midwinter Festival.” 

Tenzo nods while Kakashi replies, “You may proceed with the request.” 

“We would appreciate it if you could make an appearance.” Lady Utatane says challengingly. What is she trying to prove?

Tenzo supposes that Kakashi’s appearance at the festival would be a grand one. A well respected noble from another kingdom due to wed Queen Tsunade’s indirect heir would help their reputation. 

“Which day?” Kakashi asks. 

Tenzō isn’t sure if he’s relieved that Kakashi is leading or if he should step in to make it look like he’s taking as much responsibility in the proposition. The Midwinter Festival runs for five days starting on the winter solstice with the first day celebrating the solstice and the consequent days celebrating an element of earth, fire, air and then water. Tenzo’s favourite has always been earth. The rejuvenation that spring brought with it and the hope of new beginnings and better days always gave Tenzo resounding motivation. If the flowers could bloom so beautifully after such harsh winters, then Tenzo could do the same.

Lady Utatane replies, “The first day. It has always been customary for the royal family to initiate the festivities.”

Kakashi turns to Tenzo who nods in agreement. It sends a funny unknown feeling into Tenzo’s gut, and the idea that Kakashi is looking for his affirmation tinges his chest with gratitude. “We agree.” Kakashi answers. 

Pleased, Lady Utatane resumes her seat and Tsunade rises to her feet. “Thank you for meeting with us today. I shall be in touch with the appropriate organisers when the time comes for the Midwinter Festival. Any parting words?”

Lady Utatane and Minister Mitokado shake their heads, and they both stand to bow. “It is always a pleasure to be in your presence, Queen Tsunade. Until next time.” 

Tenzo and Kakashi rise too in order to bow and the royal cabinet leaves. Tsunade lets out a comically loud sigh and throws her arm around Tenzo. “What do you say about the liquor cabinet?”

As royalty, there are virtues to maintain and an image in order to keep reputation. Danzo had told him that countless times, it’s why Tenzo can recite that kingdom’s values with a Pavlovian response and the reason why he had to keep his hair short. Tonight, is an evening where Tenzo doesn’t bother with either because he is three bottles of wine down and Tsunade is insisting on opening a fourth.

Tipsy is a line that was crossed half a bottle ago and Tenzo can’t stop giggling because Lady Shizune is trying to wrench a glass out of Tsunade’s grip. “Lady Tsunade, _please_ ,” Shizune begs but Tsunade is colossally strong and takes another swig instead. 

“Why don’t you join the festivities, Shizune?” Tsunade offers words slurring only slightly. She needs to drink a lot more to get at the stage that Tenzo is at. 

“Lady Tsunade, I’ll let you drink but _do not_ give anymore to Prince Tenzo.” Lady Shizune negotiates and casts a wary eye over Tenzo. The prince cautiously finishes the glass he’d been nursing. “The poor boy looks like he’s going to throw up.”

“‘S okay, I’m going to bed now,” Tenzo says but he’s sure all the words have blended together. 

He unsteadily rises to his feet and is way too triumphant when he manages to lock his knees so that he’s standing straight. The world spins for a moment and Tenzo blinks hard to get it to stop, but he staggers so he has to plant his hands onto the table in front of him. Lady Shizune then disappears muttering about _getting help_ and Tenzo hopes it’s a guard from the furthest point in the castle because he doesn’t feel like embarrassing himself in front of his usual guards. He thinks he should sneak out before Lady Shizune can come back in, but then he remembers there are stairs that he has to face and decides to wait, pride be damned.

A glass of wine is thrusted in his face. “Another one for the road?” Tsunade says and quirks a brow. 

Tenzo knows a challenge when he sees one. He takes the glass and throws his head back in an effort to chug the drink. Then there’s a hand on his shoulder and another wrapping around his hand holding the glass, and they ease the unfinished glass onto the dining table. It’s no use anyway because that’s the last push Tenzo needed to get absolutely obliterated.

“Steady on.” the voice says from behind. “Let’s get you to bed.” 

“Goodnight Tsunade and Lady Shizune,” Tenzo says and leans forward to bow, but those hands tighten on his shoulder and one comes to his waist to stop him from toppling forward. 

“Thank you.” Shizune says over Tenzo’s shoulder. Her eyes are bright and she looks like she’s about to cry tears of gratitude. 

Tenzo’s arm is placed around a set of shoulders of which he assumes are the guard’s and an arm is wrapped around his waist before he’s hauled from the table, “Come on. Let’s tuck his highness into bed.” 

They make their way out of Tsunade’s study and down the well-lit hallway. Tenzo scrunches his eyes at the light and he fights his vision as it sways between focused and unfocused. The arm around his waist and the hand holding onto his wrist tighten when he stumbles on a lump in the rug. Why couldn’t Lady Shizune let him pass out in Tsunade’s study?

“Can you drop me off at the bottom of the stairs?” Tenzo bargains. He’s sure that he can make the short walk from the stairs to his room without too much injury. 

“Unfortunately, Lady Shizune gave me strict orders to make sure you end up in bed.” The guard says. 

Tenzo forces his efforts into keeping his legs moving, but the patterns under his feet keep moving and his legs are starting to become blurry shapeless blobs the further he moves. He’s not one to comment on rug patterns, but right now his main concern is that the funny pattern is making his stomach twist. 

“Stop staring at the floor, you’re just going to throw up,” the guard advises. “Keep your head up.” 

“Yessir.” Tenzo says jerkily straightening up. _Bossy_. 

They reach the top of the stairs, and in his overarching drunken confidence, Tenzo descends down the steps, but then he wobbles when he reaches the bottom of the first step so the guard has to pull him back. “One down, thirty more to go,” Tenzo says wryly. Could he convince the guard to throw him down the stairs to make the trip a lot more easier? 

There’s a moment where both seize up their handful of options, but before Tenzo can make his awful suggestion, the guard asks, “Am I allowed to hold you?” 

“Considering that you’re holding me now, I don’t see why not,” Tenzo hiccups. Was that rude? He shouldn’t be allowed to be drunk ever again.

Then the guard says, “Up we get.” 

“ _Huh?_ ” 

The guard squats, turns slightly, and the arm that was previously keeping Tenzo’s arm in place over the guard’s shoulder shifts. His arm comes down to the back of Tenzo’s knees and before he can realise what’s happening, he is being carried down the stairs. Shocked and drunk, Tenzo has no other response except to wrap his arms around the guard’s neck in an undignified manner. 

“I don’t know if you know but I am engaged.” Tenzo slurs. This is the exact reason why he doesn’t get drunk. He can’t stop talking. “I think the royal cabinet would be _scandalised_ if they saw us like this.” 

The guard huffs a laugh as if he’s trying to stop it from coming out. Tenzo lets his head roll in the space between his arms instead, he’s not sure if he can handle making eye contact with the guard and committing his face to memory. Maybe he should, so that he can avoid the guard in the future at all costs. 

“We home yet?” Tenzo asks when the trip down the stairs takes longer than expected. 

“Nearly.” the guard reassures. He slows his pace. “East Wing, right?” 

“Yessir.” A pause. “I think it’s the third door on the right.”

There’s the contained laugh again. “You think?”

“Mm, I hope so,” Tenzo hums, “otherwise we might end up in the Earl’s suite. I don’t think they’d like it if you barged in carrying the crown prince.” 

Another moment passes and Tenzo is sure, even in his inebriated state, that they’ve made it past the stairs now. “I can walk y’know,” he comments and kicks his legs haphazardly. 

“I know.” is all the guard says and tightens his hold instead. 

“I’m going to tell you something but you can’t tell anyone else, okay?” Tenzo whispers. The guard makes a noise of rebuttal but Tenzo barges ahead. “I think we’ve spent more time together than I have with my fiance.” He hiccups. “Is this allowed? I hope so, you’re so nice and I’ll make sure Tsunade won’t put you in the dungeons for touching her favourite nephew. Don’t tell her that.” 

He thinks of Lord Orochimaru, a former acquaintance of Tsunade, and how much like Danzo, she nearly strangled him with her bare hands. Though his memories are fuzzy, Tenzo can vaguely recall allusions to Lord Orochimaru’s involvement with his birthright and that was before Danzo was involved. There were rumours though that out of palace grounds, Tsunade had beaten Orochimaru in such a violent fight and that was the reason that he has never shown his face again. Tenzo reasons that it may also be due to his banishment, but he couldn’t dispute the rumours if he tried.

“You’re her only nephew.” the guard remarks. 

“I know.” Tenzo says giddily.

The familiar smell of oakwood and citrus introduces itself, they’ve made it into his room and Tenzo takes the opportunity to jump from the guard’s arms. However, he miscalculates and ends up dragging the poor guard down who’s trying to gently place him down on the bed. 

Fortunately, the guard has lightning reflexes and Tenzo lands on his back. 

Unfortunately, the guard’s fallen on top of him.

The guard pulls himself up with a hand on either side of Tenzo’s head, and Tenzo doesn’t know why but the first thing his eyes focus on is the uniform. There are gold links connecting each button from one side to another and his hand comes up to touch, just to make sure his eyes aren’t playing a game. His gaze then keeps moving upward, and it’s like watching a play that he’s already read. He knows the ending. He’s seen this regalia before. In fact, it was seated next to him in the morning’s meeting. 

His eyes snap up and there staring back at him, is no guard, instead it’s Kakashi. 

“ _Fuck_.” slips out of Tenzo’s mouth before he can help it. 

That seems to shake Kakashi out of whatever was enrapturing him and he moves away to stand at Tenzo’s bedside leaving Tenzo to stare dumbfoundedly at his canopy. Kakashi sighs, then kneels down and starts to ease off Tenzo’s boots. 

“I can do them myself,” argues Tenzo. 

He sits up and swats at Kakashi’s hands who drops the offending foot in question. With much effort and coordination. Tenzo manages to take off his boots without much hassle and with a proud noise as the final boot lands on the floor. His hands then come to the front of his doublet and he curses the tailor for attaching so many buttons. Tenzo manages three before Kakashi’s gloved hand closes around his hands. “Let me help.” He’s still kneeling in front of Tenzo. 

Tenzo lets his hands drop as a sign of consent and Kakashi begins to undo his button. A smile splits his face. “I think this is the closest I’ll get to being proposed to,” he giggles. 

Kakashi wordlessly removes Tenzo’s doublet and then pushes him down by the shoulders. “Can you at least wait until we wed to consummate our relationship?” Tenzo says snarkily. 

He immediately regrets his statement when that thought invades his brain. Would they need to consummate their marriage? Would the royal cabinet ask for that? Would they need proof? The idea of Minister Mitokado and Lady Utatane in their bedroom during consummation is such an awful and comical idea that Tenzo isn’t sure whether to laugh or throw up. He decides on the former because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Kakashi any further. 

Tenzo is sure that Kakashi had flushed at the thought but the oil lamps in his room are dim, and he’s still very drunk. He’s also unsure if he could make Kakashi blush, the man just seems so impenetrable and it confuses Tenzo to no end. How did Lady Shizune manage to convince Kakashi into taking Tenzo back to his quarters? 

“Goodnight, Prince Tenzo.” Kakashi says and then his room darkens with the swing of the door. 

“Goodnight.” Tenzo says to the empty space in his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? I'm enjoying this fic so much!! Early update because I've just been on a writing blast, don't take this for granted though bc the holidays are coming up and who knows how busy i'll be;-; next update is either 24/12 or 26/12 we will see!! 
> 
> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com


	3. iii. no better version of me that I could pretend to be tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzo and Sukea talk about duty and love. Tenzo thinks this discussion would be easier if he isn't pretending to be someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // implied/referenced child abuse
> 
> this is right at the beginning of the chapter starting at "The smell of crisp parchment paper and fresh ink..." and ends at "“--wrong, Yamato?”"

The smell of crisp parchment paper and fresh ink is one that Tenzo has unwillingly committed to memory. The ache of cramping fingers and raw knees is seared even deeper. Sometimes, on particularly bad days, Tenzo can remember how his whole body would hurt after training, and then the hot humiliation of tears would follow. His eyes would sting sharply as the tears scorched meandering paths down his cheeks. He would desperately try to stop them but they ran down his face without permission. He can never remember what came first, if it was his knees that gave out or the wobble of his lip, but he remembers the shame that always followed--follows-- and how he vowed to never disappoint Lord Danzo again. The way it would fester and settle heavily in the crevices of his chest. The pit of his stomach. It would stain each wall and he hated the way it clung to him. He needed to get rid of it. He would try harder. He would be better. _Please let me try again I promise I--_

“--wrong, Yamato?” 

Tenzo reluctantly tears his eyes away from the page, but it’s not like he was reading in the first place. He’s been stuck on the same page for ten minutes because he keeps reading but not taking in the words. Each letter swims across the page in a fuzzy haze and everytime he tries to concentrate, his head throbs instead. The book’s still far too new and the smell of fresh parchment distracts him. “Sorry, I missed that.” Tenzo confesses. He takes a sprig from a nearby bush to mark the page he left off and closes the book. 

“What’s wrong?” Sukea repeats. 

He stops painting and he steps fully into Tenzo’s view. The crown prince sighs in response and rests his head back on the tree trunk that he’s resting on. “I’m hungover.” he admits and Sukea laughs. 

“I see.” Sukea says. He doesn’t resume painting. “That doesn’t seem to be the only thing that’s bothering you though.” 

Tenzo closes his eyes. Even in the grey afternoon, daylight is far too bright and his temples thud. He hadn’t drunk enough to forget how the night ended, and the fragments of the evening keep interrupting his train of thoughts. His brain keeps reminding him of how Kakashi held him, tight and unwavering but then his eyes, dark and closed off and sealing away any hope of an answer. Gold buttons. Silver hair. Steady arms.

“My engagement.” Tenzo says wryly. 

“I wasn’t aware that you were engaged.” 

The grass rustles under Sukea’s boots when he walks towards Tenzo and Tenzo tilts his head back down at the sound to look at the artist with a humorous smile, “I’m sorry to disappoint.” 

Sukea leans over to flick Tenzo on the nose. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I try not to.”

Sukea assumes his place next to Tenzo. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Tenzo feels his frown return ten fold. “My fiance--he confuses me.” 

Sukea’s brows raise, but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that Tenzo is engaged to another man. Instead he asks, “How so?”

“I’m not too sure what his intentions with me are.” Tenzo admits and then he can no longer look Sukea in the eyes. He doesn’t want Sukea to know how small (pathetic) and sad (tragic) he is. In their shared patch of forest, he can talk for days, move loosely, and not have to hold himself so tightly. In the palace, he’s replaceable and futile like the first pawn you sacrifice in a game of chess.

“Why did you accept the engagement then?” Sukea keeps his voice soft and unintrusive. 

The spaces between his words seem to say: you don’t have to answer but I could wait all day for you to talk, and the silent encouragement is nearly enough to convince Tenzo he has an answer. He wants to yell _I don’t know!_ He asks himself the same question so often that he sometimes begins to wonder if it were the right choice at all. He sees it in the same apprehension in the royal cabinet as they watch every move he makes, lurking in the wings of the palace and anticipating a miscalculation. A missed beat. Then there’s Tsunade. It hurts to admit, the kind of ache that twists sharply like pulling a dagger from your ribs, because he knows that she hides her trepidations behind her declarations of protection.

“I didn’t realise it was going to be this hard. But it’s not like I was expecting for it to be easy in the first place.” Tenzo swallows thickly as he forces the words out of his throat. “I forget not everyone is so willing to give up their freedom to duty. I wish _I_ wasn’t so willing to do so, but some days I feel so bound that it feels like I didn’t get that choice in the first place at all.” 

He draws his knees up and tries to hide his oil spill that leaks out from behind his lungs. His thoughts and feelings sink into the forest floor and expose the small parts of his machinery. It seems like Tenzo doesn’t need a drink to open up around Sukea and that sobering realisation is something he stores in the back of his head to pick at later. 

“What is duty compared to freedom, Yamato?” Sukea rhetorics. “I’m in no position to order you on what to do, but you seem so unhappy with fulfilling your duties. Is there no middle ground?” 

Tenzo wallows in his thoughts for a moment. There is no freedom in duty. He had learnt that lesson very quickly in his youth and it has no qualms in reappearing and teaching him the same painful lesson. It’s rearing its ugly head again and repeats its story like daybreak: you are going to behave, you might not be happy, but in the end it will be worth it for everyone else. 

“Not really,” Tenzo says woefully. “I suppose there could be, but I have a feeling my fiance doesn’t like me very much.” 

Sukea follows up the notion very quickly, “That’s ridiculous.”

Tenzo exhales sharply. “Mm, I think he does.” 

Sukea is quiet and Tenzo prepares himself for the questions. What makes you think that, Prince Tenzo? I’m sure he’ll open up soon. Have you tried talking to him properly? Did you try harder? They all subtly ask the forbidden question of _why aren’t you enough, Tenzo?_ He’s asked himself the same questions plenty of times over. He has different answers every time, but they’re still answers.

“Do you like him?” Sukea asks instead of the questions Tenzo had assumed. 

It catches him off guard. Does Tenzo like Kakashi? He supposes he does. He’d been kind enough to share his food and carry his inebriated body to bed. He thinks of how Kakashi had asked for his approval in the meeting and how that small moment made him feel like he had occupied space on the table. But he still doesn’t know very much about the prince at all. He also supposes Kakashi doesn’t know much about Tenzo in return, but Tenzo would allow him to if Kakashi gave him the space.

“I suppose so.” answers Tenzo. 

“That’s not a good enough answer.” Sukea claims and bumps his shoulder against Tenzo’s. 

“Enough about me,” Tenzo tries to change the subject. “Why don’t we discuss _your_ love life?”

“Hey!” Sukea exclaims. “Don’t you change the subject.” 

“Too late.” Tenzo grins and pokes him in the chest. “You got your eyes on anyone?”

Sukea opens his mouth slightly, as if he were to throw a snarky remark, but the tension around his mouth loosens and an apprehensive smile takes its place instead. “Maybe.” he says mirthfully. 

“That’s not a no, so you do have one!” Tenzo cries far too giddily. “What are they like?”

“I suppose one of us has to spill their guts,” Sukea says teasingly and rolls his eyes. He settles a lot more comfortably on the trunk and leans slightly on Tenzo’s arm as he looks up in thought. “He’s steady and fastidious and takes everything far too seriously, but I guess that’s what I admire about him. I like to remind him that he doesn’t have to please everyone and should allow himself to come first, but that task is like pulling teeth. He’s sweet. Really sweet. I think I could look at him all day and find something new every time. When I paint people, I’ll see an eye and paint the same on canvas, but when I look at him, it sometimes feels like I can’t look away because I feel like I’ll have missed something, you know?”

Tenzo crows. “You’re truly an artist with the way you wax poetic. You do shame the playwrights and their soliloquies.” 

Sukea shoves at his shoulder playfully. “You do wound me, my dear Yamato. Here I am, baring my heart and you make fun of me? How have I wronged you so you must treat me this way?”

“It must be nice though.” Tenzo says ruefully and doesn’t take Sukea’s bait. 

“What is?”

Tenzo sinks further down against the tree, and he tentatively rests against Sukea’s side. “Being in love.” 

The lake is always deep and blue, even when the sun hides behind the pillowy curtains of clouds, the waters beckon Tenzo to step in and submerge in their sapphire sheets. He finds the blue comforting. He can understand why Sukea paints, the horizon demands to be admired at and how could Tenzo refuse such an offer? 

Sukea shifts slightly to pluck the book out of Tenzo’s lap and then drops his shoulder so that Tenzo’s resting his head a lot more comfortably. He blinks--he thinks. He can hear the rustle of paper when Sukea turns a page. He blinks again but the movement’s sluggish and uncontrolled. Tenzo shut his eyes for a moment longer to recalibrate and then his vision of the lake is swallowed whole by spilled ink. 

When he opens his eyes again, the stars are shimmering on the crests of the lake, a sight he rarely sees and Tenzo shoots up straight startling Sukea. He had fallen asleep. He turns to his friend, betrayal clear in his eyes and hisses, “Why didn’t you wake me up?” 

Sukea holds his hands up in surrender and drops the book in the process. “You were tired. You needed the rest.” 

Tenzo looks at the moon accusingly as if it’s her fault that she replaced the sun. “My aunt’s going to have my head. Or a search party. I hope the search party finds me first so I have time to write a will.” 

He stands up, despite the protests of his knees from being bent in position for so long, and collects his belongings. “If I don’t see you tomorrow, am I right to assume that your aunt’s taken care of you?” Sukea jokes but Tenzo is sure that Tsunade may truly bar him from leaving the palace grounds this time. 

“Don’t joke around because this may be your last sighting of me.” 

Sukea laughs, “I hope not.” 

There are more guards than usual when Tenzo steps to the palace gates and he mentally prepares himself for the world’s worst scolding. When one spots him, she rushes over and bows. It’s Yugao, a guard who he’s known since he joined the palace as the prince, and the familiar face eases the edge off Tenzo’s nerves. The pinched expression on her face, however, causes Tenzo to cringe.

“Welcome back, Prince Tenzo.” she greets and Tenzo bows in return. “I’m afraid I’ll have to accompany you back to the palace according to Queen Tsunade’s wishes.” 

“Lead the way,” he says and forces a smile on his face that he knows won’t fool either Yugao or himself. 

When they reach the door to Tsunade’s study, Yugao knocks and enters first, and she leaves Tenzo to dawdle by the doorway. “Queen Tsunade,” she announces, “Prince Tenzo has arrived back safely.”

“Thank you, Yugao. You are dismissed.” Tsunade says tightly. 

Yugao opens the door to usher the crown prince in, Tenzo bids her a _thank you_ and the door shuts loudly. It seals Tenzo’s fate inside Tsunade’s study, he has to decide between defiance or obedience but when he meets her eyes, he thinks he doesn’t have to decide at all. The worry has eased off her face a little, but her shoulders are still drawn high and the papers on her desk look like they’ve been half abandoned for some time. Tenzo had expected fury, her eyes to be alight and her mouth twisting into a frustrated line, but instead she just seems tense and half-relieved that her nephew is back in one piece. 

“Since you didn’t misbehave in your youth, I thought that I was lucky that I didn’t have to deal with your rebellious stage, but I suppose it had to come up sometime.” Tsunade laments and rubs at her temples before proceeding. “Look Tenzo, I’m not going to sit here and reprimand you for coming home at a ridiculous hour because I know you’re old enough to take care of yourself. But, and I know that you know this better than anyone, you are the crown prince. I can’t risk having you gallivanting out of the palace grounds for too long. It’s dangerous and I can’t risk losing you.”

 _Too. I can’t risk losing you too._ Tenzō thinks of Prince Dan, Tsunade’s lover, now dead bound to be a prince, and never regaining the chance of being king alongside Tsunade. The portrait of Tsunade’s only brother, Prince Nawaki, that looms in the hall of the Northern Wing flashes in Tenzo’s mind, perfectly gleaming from the confines of the frame, preserving his ruddy face and bright eyes forever. He looks Tsunade in the eyes, and wonders if Prince Nawaki had lived, would his eyes be like Tsunade’s? Her hazel eyes used to shine wonderfully, Tenzo can tell that much from the earlier portraits, smile almost unrestrained and proud and with her hands on Prince Nawaki’s shoulders. Those same eyes look at him now, wiser, and older much to her miscontent.

Tsunade folds her hands under her chin and continues, “I would like to give you a gift, Tenzo.” 

“A gift?” Tenzo repeats surprised.

Tsunade plants her hands on the desk and the chair scrapes when she stands. She walks around the desk to Tenzo and her hands come up to her neck, she removes her necklace, and places it on Tenzo. She then stands on her tiptoes to plant a chaste kiss to his forehead.. “This is the family heirloom,” she informs and her hand presses over the blue crystal. “It should be worn by the reigning heir and I believe you’ll be a good king, Tenzo. Take care of it. Only family and your significant other are allowed to touch it.” She smiles at the necklace fondly. “It holds more importance to me than the crown.” 

Tenzo engulfs her in a hug and Tsunade makes a surprised noise before returning the embrace. “Thank you.” His voice is tight. 

They both step back. “This doesn’t mean you’re forgiven.” Tsunade says and crosses her arms. “But at least your friend takes care of you. I’m happy you’ve found a good one.”

She tugs his cloak and Tenzo looks down at the beige fabric. _Huh? His cloak is white_. He blanches and Tsunade pointedly pulls the cloak tight around his shoulders. “I fell asleep.” Tenzo says by means of explanation but Tsunade cocks an eyebrow instead. 

“Anyway,” she moves on but there’s a smile on her face that doesn’t quite leave. “I’m going to need you to tell your friend that you’re going to be a little bit busy. I need you here for the Midwinter Festival preparations, and you need to know what’s happening for each day.” 

Tenzo nods. Tsunade usually handles most of the preparation, but now that he’s preparing to take over the throne with Kakashi, he needs to start learning the proper ways of celebrations. Unfortunately, Danzo had only taught him the history of the festival and not so much what happened during it. He wasn’t allowed to go after all. 

“You also need to take dancing lessons.” Tsunade says and goes to the desk. She picks up a list.

“What? Why?” Tenzo splutters. He’s danced before, but it was only because the other kingdoms were sending their crown heirs and used dancing to court him. Even then, he wouldn’t classify his awkward shuffling with uncomfortable prolonged eye contact _dancing_.

“It’s part of initiating the festival.” she explains. “You just never saw it because I don’t have anyone to dance with.” 

He’s going to have to dance with Kakashi. “Does Kakashi know this?”

Tsunade stops reading the list to look Tenzo dead in the eye. “Yes. Your first lesson is in a week.” She looks back at the list again. “You also need to get fitted for a new suit for the festival, and you can decide with Kakashi if you’re sharing the speech or not.” 

“Sounds doable,” Tenzo says. He clutches at Sukea’s cloak. Why didn’t he ask for it back? The gesture has Tenzo flushing and blames it on the warmth of the extra fabric. It’s sweet. Nobody is usually sweet to him. 

“I’ll entrust those duties for you to do.” Tsunade folds up the list and hands it to Tenzo. “If you need anything or have any questions, ask Shizune. I’ll be looking over the kingdom’s crop reports in the meantime, you know what the winters are like.” 

They conclude their meeting and Tenzo heads to his quarters. When he slips into bed, he’s restless and the canopy overhead does nothing to lull his brain to sleep. He thinks if Sukea were here, he would’ve painted the canopy and then. He supposes he should try to draft the speech now, but trying to imagine Kakashi speaking for longer than two minutes brings him up short, so Tenzo discards that idea very quickly and that space is almost immediately occupied by Sukea. The smell of pinewood and the crisp, frosty air of the forest fills the fragments between stolen glances from behind a canvas. Each sentence punctuated by the full stop of the mole on the left side of Sukea’s mouth. 

Unsurprisingly, Tenzo leaves his bed to grab the beige cloak left on his dresser and he examines the cloak. The inside is thickly lined with wool and he strokes his palm down the soft lining. He tentatively brings the cloak up to his face and inhales the traces of citrus and earth left behind. Sukea tends to bring satsumas to snack on and Tenzo had laughed particularly hard when Sukea had accidentally sprayed juice into his eye when opening one. 

Then, Tenzo wraps the cloak around his shoulders, heavy and warm like an embrace. He lies on top of his bed covers and allows himself to borrow Sukea’s cloak for a little longer. He tries to think of excuses but before he knows it, he’s out like a light. 

“I could’ve froze to death.” 

“Don’t be dramatic.” 

“T’was a chilly night. That cold night could’ve turned me into a fool or a madman.” 

“Don’t start quoting plays.” 

Sukea’s teasing grin doesn’t ease off. “How did you know I was quoting one?” 

“I spent a lot of time in the library when I was younger.” Tenzo explains flatly. “Now, can you accept your cloak back like a normal person?” 

Sukea takes the bundle from Tenzo’s stretched arms and pats his face somewhat endearingly, “Thanks for keeping it warm.”

“You’re welcome.” Tenzo mumbles and hides his arms under his own cloak for warmth. 

Winter is making its announcement and overthrows autumn with its icy glare and frosty breath. At the edge of the forest, winter hasn’t quite overtaken the forest yet, but the grass had crunched under Tenzo’s boots on his voyage to their hideout. The trees are all but barren, they’ve shed their golden leaves and now they lay dark, scattered and shrivelled around the forest floor. Sukea examines them thoughtfully, a pencil is pressed against his cheek and his blank sketchbook lays open on his hand.

“Sukea,” he says to catch the artist’s attention. “Before I forget, I want to tell you that I’m going to be a bit busy so our meetings won’t be as frequent.” 

“Is that so?” Sukea says with his eyes on Tenzo now. “I’ll try not to miss you terribly.”

Tenzo bites back on a grin and rolls his eyes. “I’ll make sure to yearn for you while I help my town prepare for the festival.” 

“Festival?” Sukea parrots. 

“We celebrate the Midwinter Festival, it starts on the winter solstice and runs for a week.” Tenzo explains. 

Sukea had told him that he was new to the kingdom and had recently settled from another neighbouring kingdom. Tenzo knows only that much but didn’t press for anymore, Sukea didn’t seem to like to talk about where he came from and neither did Tenzo. It was a fair exchange. 

“Sounds like fun,” Sukea comments. “Can anyone attend?” 

“The whole kingdom is invited. It’s meant to celebrate changes and be thankful for what the year has reaped.” Tenzo supposes he has many changes to celebrate this year. He’s unsure on what to be thankful for though, but he looks at Sukea and a flighty feeling tickles his chest. He’s thankful for this year for giving him a friend.

“What do you do to celebrate?” 

Tenzo hesitates. Danzo had never allowed him to join the Midwinter Festival and after Tsunade had taken him in, he still didn’t get the chance to really enjoy the true spirit of the festival. Whenever he had the chance to approach a stall, or partake in the games, people would be too afraid to approach him or would sing praises the entire time. 

“I don’t really have any?” It’s meant to come out as a statement, but his tone rises and it comes out contemplative. 

Sukea frowns. “So you haven’t gone?”

“Well not really--”

“-- let’s go.” Sukea suggests with bright eyes. “You and me. What do you say, Yamato?”

Tenzo balks for a moment. He has walked himself into a dead end here. How is he going to attend the festival as Yamato when the kingdom’s going to be made very aware of Prince Tenzo? He should say no. It’s the most responsible solution, but “I’ll think about it.” comes out of his mouth instead. 

“It’s a date.” Sukea winks. 

“I’m engaged.” Tenzo recalls dryly. 

“But not wed.” Sukea argues haughtily and Tenzo flushes. 

“I like it better when you shut up and paint.” 

“Do you speak to your fiance like that?” 

Tenzo thinks, no, because I would love for Kakashi to open his mouth and do anything at all. In fact, he doesn’t even know what Kakashi’s mouth looks like. “No, only you.” 

“I’m honoured.” Sukea feigns gratitude with a hand coming up to his chest.

“You should be.”

Sukea pauses, he walks closer to Tenzo and before Tenzo can stop him, Sukea gingerly picks up the crystal that hangs off Tenzo’s necklace with his thumb and forefinger. “What’s this?” 

“Family heirloom.” Tenzo answers. He closes his fingers around Sukea’s whose hands are oddly warm during such a chilly afternoon, and Tenzo gently pries the crystal from him. “And only family members are allowed to touch it.” 

Sukea drops the crystal as if it burns him and his fingers slip out of Tenzo’s hold. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Tenzo says and tucks the necklace back under his cloak. “I only received it yesterday.” 

“Ah,” Sukea remarks then he purses his lips. He presses his pencil to his cheek again. “Would you mind showing it again?” 

Tenzo wordlessly reveals the necklace again and Sukea sketches quickly into his book. “What are you doing?” 

“It’s a surprise,” Sukea sing-songs. “A parting gift from me, since you’ll be flooded with festival preparations--to which you’re attending with me.”

“I’ll make sure to hang it up in my room.” Tenzo says warmly. Tsunade didn’t give gifts, she much preferred to spend time with people, or told them upfront how she felt about them. She didn’t show affection like that. Danzo, on the other hand, didn’t show any at all. If Tenzo was lucky, or if he pushed himself particularly hard, then maybe he’d receive a few words of praise but never gifts. 

Sukea stops sketching and tucks the book under his arm. “Shall we have lunch?” 

Tenzo nods and picks up the basket by his feet. Sukea lays the blanket on the forest floor. “You know,” Tenzo says and sits cross legged on the blanket. “Most people tend to have picnics in the _summer_.” 

“Don’t be pretentious. If some damp grass bothers you that much, you’re free to borrow my cloak again.” Sukea says not looking at Tenzo so he misses the way Tenzo’s face spackles with heat. 

Sukea is busy placing down the food in the space between them. He’s untying each cloth bag and it reveals their assortments of pastries and fruits. Tenzo had woken up earlier than usual so he could bag freshly baked goods from the kitchen and he’s sure the pastry chef had stuffed extra tarts inside the bag. He’s going to make sure to thank her later and maybe give her the day off. Is he allowed to do that? He’s sure the palace could function without pastries for one day.

Once Sukea finishes setting up, he settles next to Tenzo, and their knees press together. It falls silent when they eat, but Tenzo’s brain doesn’t stop chattering just like the way Sukea’s knee hasn’t left his. Even through the layers of their cloaks and trousers, Tenzo thinks he can feel the hot press of Sukea’s skin against him, his mind wanders to the warmth of his hands when he had picked up Tenzo’s necklace. The crown prince shoves an egg tart into his mouth and tries to chew away the thought. 

“These are good. Where’d you get these?” Sukea says through a mouthful of mung bean pastry. 

“The bakery.” Tenzo answers simply. 

“You have to take me someday.” Sukea says with his eyes set on the horizon. 

Tenzo follows his gaze to the treeline across the lake. “Maybe I will.” 

“Maybe it’ll give your town something to talk about.” Sukea chides and turns his head to look at Tenzo. 

Tenzo looks at him and he’s about to argue about how his virtues lie in loyalty, but Sukea raises a free hand to Tenzo’s cheek and his thumb strokes Tenzo’s face instead and it catches his voice in his throat. Sukea then realises what he’s doing, his eyes widen and he retracts his hand quickly. He harrumphs, and says, “You had food on your face, I--”

“--it’s okay.” Tenzo says abruptly. He blames the flush that spreads over his cheeks and ears on the frosty winter air. “Thank you.” 

“Anytime.” Sukea says and returns to looking into the distance. 

They finish their food without interruption after that, with their knees still pressed together and the only time they part is when they say goodbye.

Tenzo returns to the palace grounds just in time to make it for practice with the knights. They all greet him amicably when he steps on the training grounds, and the winter has invited some fresh faces that he doesn’t recognise. Most knights join because they have nowhere else to go. Some winters were ruthless, and if you joined the cavalry, you were provided with a roof over your head, a hot meal and a bed so Tenzo is unsurprised at the surge of new recruits. 

“Where have you been, Prince Tenzo?” a voice asks when Tenzo eyes the small arsenal. He needs to brush up on his archery skills, he thinks, when his eyes land on the bow and arrows. 

Tenzo turns on his heel to find Anko with a hand on her hip and a dangerously large sword over her shoulder. He doesn’t know Anko that well but she’s friends with all the knights and by association, made herself known to Tenzo. It wasn’t hard, Anko is loud and rambunctious, she drags everyone and anyone easily into conversation. She’d also been one of the few people to spar with Tenzo seriously and he respects her for that. She had also served under Lord Orochimaru, and although she had no direct contribution in it, Anko had expressed her regrets that she didn’t stop his criminal actions. 

“I’ve been busy.” He explains.

“So it’s true then?” She gasps.

“What is?” Tenzo questions and Anko plants the heavy sword into the ground. 

She leans over and lowers her voice (which isn’t saying much, she’s naturally shouting at all times) and says, “Your engagement.” 

Tenzo drags his hand over his face. “Yes.” he confirms reluctantly and Anko suppresses a squeal.

“What’s he like? Is he handsome? One of the knights said he saved a bunch of children from a burning school building.” Anko prattles. 

“He’s…” Tenzo tries to think of a word to replace standoffish and quiet and reserved and completely ignores me. “Mysterious. He’s got a scar over his left eye, but I don’t know where it came from.” 

“So the rumours about his bear fight are true?” She says and Tenzo looks at her puzzledly. 

“Look, I’m not going to feed into any rumours. I’m here to practice.” Tenzo picks out the bow. “Are you joining?” 

“Aw, come on, Prince Tenzo!” Anko exclaims and it turns a few heads to him. He shoots her a warning glare. “You’re not going to give up anything juicy at all? You’ve been gone for so long--” 

“--two weeks--” 

“--and you really did _nothing_ with him the entire time?” 

Tenzo realises what Anko is suggesting and shuts the visor of his great helm over his face. The closest Kakashi had ever gotten to his bedroom was when he was dragging Tenzo’s drunk ass to bed. His face flames at the thought and he resents how easily embarrassed he is. “No, we did not.” 

“You’re no fun.” She pouts but follows him regardless when he walks to the targets.

Anko makes it through three rounds of practice before she eggs Tenzo on again. “Do you know if he has any siblings? I mean, I’ve been pretty lonely.” she muses and it makes Tenzo miss the bullseye by a mile. He had been doing so well. 

“Look Anko,” he says exasperatedly. “I don’t know him very well. He avoids me.” 

The cheery expression on Anko’s face dampens. “Then how come you’ve been so busy?” 

Tenzo hits the border of the bullseye. The arrow grazing the red paint where it bleeds on the canvas of the targets. “I made a new friend. He’s an artist.” 

“Really? Which part of the palace does he work in?” Anko asks while he reloads his bow. 

“He doesn’t work here.” Tenzo says almost proudly.

He lets the arrow fly loose and hits the jackpot. He smiles satisfied. “Is that why you were out late? Yugao told me she had to escort you to Queen Tsunade’s study.” Anko presses and picks up her own bow. 

“Yugao told you that?” Tenzo asks betrayed. 

Anko rolls her eyes and releases an arrow. “The whole castle knew. Queen Tsunade was about to set a search party loose on the kingdom.” 

“Can we please stop discussing this?” Tenzo begs. 

“I just think that it’s very interesting how you have an artist friend that you frequently meet in the woods and you come back late in--” 

“--we are no longer discussing this.” Tenzo interrupts and turns to return the bow to the arsenal. 

Anko guffaws as he walks away. He sometimes forgets how much people liked to talk, especially about him, but then again, he’s fond of Anko and Yugao so he’s sure he can find some space in his heart to forgive them. 

When he reenters the palace, Kakashi all but walks into him and Tenzo nearly drops his great helm in the process. Kakashi eyes his armor but before Tenzo can explain, Kakashi presents Tenzo with a scroll. 

“What’s this?” He asks and takes it from the crown prince. 

“I’ve drafted the speech. I thought you might like to look over it.” Kakashi replies. “If you need me, I’ll be in the library or the cabinet room for the festival preparations.” 

With that, Kakashi walks away and it makes it evidently clear on why the royal cabinet had adored him so much. Organised, efficient, and clever. Kakashi is going to be an excellent ruler. So where did that leave Tenzo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished this early so have fun!! if i don't update before then, have a merry christmas!! (to those who celebrate it)
> 
> also i will look over this in the morning so if you see a typo no you didn't
> 
> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com


	4. interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi's interlude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas everybody!! (to those who celebrate it)  
> this is v v short but i just wanted to stick it in

A streak of sunlight leaves a golden trail over the slope of a brow bone, it trickles down and pools into dark eyes that glitter under its glare. His eyes are warm and brown like thawed earth during spring. The trail continues, slips over a cheek and just slightly misses a pair of dusky pink lips, and it stops on the line of a jaw. The blue follows. The crystalised cerulean that he wasn’t allowed to touch, a deeper azure laps away in the background, and the muted sky that hangs overhead.

It’s close. The crown prince thinks. He can almost hear Tenzo’s huff of laughter when he notices that Kakashi’s been staring, the way the skin tightens around his eyes when something’s bothering him but won’t confess any of his secrets--unless he’s drunk, then he can’t stop his thoughts from spilling out. Even after he’s painted Tenzo, the broad sweep of his shoulders, the way he tilts his head in thought, how his knuckles are a shade redder in winter, Kakashi can’t still seem to piece him together. 

It’s the closest he can get, for now, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets be friends
> 
> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com


	5. iv. the icarus to your certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Tenzo prepare for the Midwinter Festival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok some historical things:  
> i didn't realise that parchment and paper were different things and i keep using them interchangeably so if there are any history buffs pleaseeeee forgive me and as a child of science, the way i deal with the paper chemistry is wrong but this story is fictional so i do what i want
> 
> fun fact: the chapter titles are not from Tenzo's POV :-)

The preparations of the Midwinter Festival aren’t even in full swing but the palace is already buzzing. Each room seems to teem and brew with ideas, and the palace is unusually full with people visiting and having been invited to help with the festival. Tenzo does his rounds, he checks in with each of the teams to confirm their plans and it seems that most people know what they’re doing, the festival is an annual event after all, everyone in the kingdom and palace know how to organise it like clockwork. It’s easy work, just a little bit tedious and a lot of talking, but Tenzo supposes all that chatter makes up for the lack of talk when he works alongside Kakashi. 

He makes his way to the library with the final amendments to the speech. He’d been trying to pin down Kakashi for most of the morning, but he was constantly sidetracked with people approaching him and then proceeding to drag him to the otherside of the palace so he could bestow royal authority on their plans. Tenzo sighs, he understands that people needed his blessing but at the same time, is it necessary for him to authorise something that occurs every time at the festival? It’s no wonder why Tsunade has thrown herself into the kingdom reports, for at least those changed from time to time. 

The door to the library opens smoothly, and Tenzo creeps into the untouched silence of the library. There are more people mulling around than usual, and it takes a while before he spots Kakashi sitting with his back to Tenzo, he’s sat on one of the furthest tables in the library. As Tenzo walks towards the table. Kakashi seems too focused on his book to notice the other prince approaching, Tenzo panics slightly with every step that brings him closer when he realises he doesn’t know how to catch Kakashi’s attention. Should he tap his shoulder? He suddenly feels like he can’t control the volume in his voice and fears he may disturb the other visitors in the library. 

“Prince Kakashi.” he whispers. 

No response. 

Tenzo steps closer and catches the corner of the page that Kakashi is reading. His eyes flit over the words _King Hashirama_ , and _Senju_ , and _Queen Mito_ and then his hand comes up to Kakashi’s shoulder. “What are you reading?” the question rushes out his mouth. 

Kakashi jumps under Tenzo’s hand and the brunette pulls his hand away. He thinks he should say sorry but something uneasy unfurls in his gut while he anticipates Kakashi’s answer. He’s sure he’s read the book before. One of many that Danzo had made him read and the words scratch at familiar notches in his head. 

“A history book.” Kakashi says steadily.

It clicks. Yes, Tenzo can remember now, it’s the history of the royal family, but what he can’t answer is why would Kakashi be reading that? He supposes it would be useful to be informed of the family you’re about to marry into, but wouldn’t reading up on the kingdom provide much more practical information? 

“I can see that,” Tenzo says dryly but decides to drop the subject. There are more important things at hand. “Here’s the speech,” he places the paper on the desk, “these should be the last of my amendments.” 

He turns on his heel but Kakashi catches his wrist with a gloved hand. “Finish it with me.” He says. It should be an offer, but Kakashi’s hand around his wrist is firm and ungiving. His tone is delivered with such finality that all Tenzo can do is nod and take his place in the chair next to Kakashi. 

Kakashi closes the book he was reading and slides it aside to make space for the speech. Tenzo waits with his hands in his lap as Kakashi reads over the speech again, at least they’ve finished one item from their endless list of things to do. They still have their dance lesson and Tenzo tries not to wince at the thought of it, and he wistfully hopes that he won’t step too much on Kakashi’s toes. 

“I suppose it’s your first time initiating the Midwinter Festival then.” Kakashi says when he grabs a new piece of paper to finalise the speech. 

“Yes, it’s usually Tsunade who initiates the proceedings. I stand by her side as decoration.” Tenzo answers self-deprecatingly. 

Kakashi furrows his brows. “You’ve been extremely involved though. I’m sure the entire palace has seen you thrice by now.” 

“That’s only because Tsunade isn’t commandeering this year’s festival. I’m taking over in preparation for the throne.” The explanation leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He swallows. “A good leader is a good king.” 

“You’ve given yourself no lines to speak,” Kakashi points out. “Why is that, Prince Tenzo?” 

A hot trill jerks up Tenzo’s spine when Kakashi’s mouth forms his name, but that is quickly dampened because he knows that he’s given the entire speech to Kakashi on purpose. The people look at Kakashi and they see the next king. “It’s your first Midwinter Festival here,” Tenzo shrugs. “I thought you should be given the honours to begin the celebrations.”

Kakashi shakes his head. He takes the draft and marks a spot in between two sentences. “I’ll start with introductions,” he says tapping at the top of the page, “and you can end the speech. It’s more efficient that way.” 

Tenzo’s chest tightens. If he ends the speech, he’ll be the one to declare the beginning of the festival, and at Kakashi’s suggestion he is reminded of the meeting with the royal cabinet. How Kakashi had turned to him and wordlessly asked for Tenzo’s affirmation. Each gesture seems to remind Tenzo that he’s allowed to craft a space for himself in the palace and that he doesn’t have to fill one made by someone else’s hand. 

“That sounds good.” Tenzo says nodding. “Thank you.” 

Kakashi fixes him with a serious look. “You seem to forget your authority, Prince Tenzo.” 

Tenzo looks at the book Kakashi had pushed aside. He knows his name isn’t in there, well, not quite yet. “I don’t forget my authority, Prince Kakashi, when the authority wasn’t mine in the first place.” He levels his gaze to Kakashi. “But I do appreciate your concern with my presence. It would be better for the kingdom to see us working together than separately.” 

Kakashi makes a noise of agreement and continues to write the speech. His quill scratches strangely at the parchment, a sight that Tenzo doesn’t see often but he can tell when parchment has been left out to dry for too long. It’s much smoother to write on paper that’s been freshly sanded and the palace always has plenty of fresh parchment in stock. The only reason why Tenzo doesn’t like to use fresh parchment is because the smell reminds him of Danzo’s study. Sometimes if he worked with fresh parchment too long, it would give him a headache and he’d have to step away for a moment. Since Kakashi’s always displayed pragmatism over sentiment, Tenzo concludes that maybe Kakashi thought it’d be a waste to use perfectly functional parchment and doesn’t voice his remarks about it. 

Kakashi, without looking up from his writing, asks, “Are you looking forward to the festival?”

“Yes,” Tenzo replies without missing a beat. He plants his elbow on the table and rests his cheek on his hand. “I look forward to the festival every year.” 

Despite not being able to fully submerge himself in the true spirits of the festival, Tenzo still enjoys seeing the bubbly crowds and the overall enthusiasm that surrounds the kingdom annually. He then thinks of his arrangement with Sukea and a giddy bubble of joy rises in his stomach. Maybe he could finally join properly this year, he would just need to cover his face, and maybe fall ill on one of the days so he doesn’t have to appear as a member of the royal court.

“Do you have any festivals back home?” Tenzo asks. 

He had learnt about some of the kingdoms neighbouring Konoha, and Kakashi’s kingdom Uzushio was one of them. King Sakumo is the current ruler, but once Kakashi and Tenzo wed, the crown would be passed down to Prince Minato instead. Their marriage would herald the strengthening of ties between Konoha and Uzushio, so it all made perfect sense but then again, some things are easier said than done. 

“Many,” Kakashi says fondly. “Uzushio is renowned for our summer festival.” 

There’s a gentle tap on his shoulder, and Tenzo turns to find one of the palace servants wringing their hands nervously. “Yes?” He prompts. 

“The dance instructor has sent for you. Well,” they say and vaguely gestures over to Kakashi. “Both of you.” 

Tenzo furrows his brows. “I thought that wasn’t scheduled until later this week.” 

“She arrived early, but I’ll tell her you’re busy.” 

The servant prepares to bow and leave, but Kakashi interrupts. “Are you busy, Prince Tenzo?” 

Tenzo quickly skims over his mental agenda, and it’s filled with general allusions of helping with the festival preparations. His suit fitting is due in two days and his speech with Kakashi is finished. Usually, after lessons or meetings, he would go train with the knights or hole himself up in the library. 

(Or disconnect from the world in his hideout, but during this time of year it’s hard to escape the palace.) 

So no, Tenzo isn’t particularly busy. 

“Not really, I think I just need to check up on the florists but I can do that later.” He answers with a pensive hand coming up to his chin. 

“Looks like we’re having our dancing lessons a little early then.” 

Tenzo makes a noise of indignation and sputters out, “ _What_?” 

Kakashi hands the servant the speech they’d been working on. “Can you please put these in my room?” 

“Yes, Prince Kakashi.” The servants says and takes the papers. 

“Thank you. Is our teacher in the ballroom?” He’s standing now and Tenzo has no other choice but to follow.

“Yes, Prince Kakashi.” the servant parrots. 

“You’re dismissed.” 

The servant bows and scurries away before Tenzo could ask for help. If there’s anything he hates, it’s being unprepared and getting blindsided. He’s always been cautious and organised. Tenzo likes to know what comes his way so that he knows how to react appropriately or anticipate any shortcomings. Now, he’s terribly unprepared for a dance lesson with Kakashi and he suddenly wishes that he would be awfully busy. He needs one of the organisers to bombard him with work _right now_. He wants to scream, but then again he’s in public and in a library, and he doesn’t think people would take very well to the crown prince publicly breaking down in the palace library. 

Kakashi, on the other hand, seems very collected and somewhat chipper as they make their way towards the ballroom. Maybe Kakashi enjoyed dancing or blindsiding Tenzo, or maybe it’s a masochistic combination of both at Tenzo’s expense. 

“You could’ve asked me before signing up to an impromptu dancing lesson.” Tenzo quips with the slightest tinge of annoyance. 

“I did.” comes Kakashi’s quick response. 

“You just asked if I was busy,” Tenzo argues and is decidedly trying very hard not to pout. Maybe if he masks the nervousness that’s plunging in his stomach with overt annoyance it would get rid of it. 

“Same difference.” Kakashi defends and they both enter the ballroom. 

A tall, slender woman turns at the sound of the doors opening and she approaches and bows. “Good afternoon, Prince Tenzo and Prince Kakashi. I apologise if I’ve interrupted your schedule but I appreciate your early arrival to today’s lesson.” 

“Thank you for coming to the palace.” Tenzo says. “More practice should do us good anyway.”

“Great!” she beams. She doesn’t seem to notice how Tenzo is silently pleading with his eyes. He’s out of his depth here. Maybe next year he’ll have to change the ceremonial dance to a swordfight or a jousting competition, at least he’s well versed with those. “My name is Tomoko.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Miss Tomoko.” Kakashi greets. 

“Before we start,” Tomoko says as she pulls her hair back with a headband. “I know you’ll be wearing the royal outfits, but people tend to get quite hot during practice because we repeat a lot of the moves. I would like to make sure that you’re comfortable with your attire.”

It’s then that Tenzo notices that Tomoko’s dress is looser than what the maidens would typically wear. Her neckline lazily hangs off just under her neck and her sleeves come up to her elbows when most dresses tend to reach the wrist. Her skirt is shorter, it grazes the tops of her ankles to reveal her shoes which are plain, leather, and well-worn. 

“Ah, I see.” Kakashi says and begins to remove his doublet. 

Tenzo, not wanting to overheat--and feel left out-- copies Kakashi, and dons his tunic instead. 

She claps her hands together. “Let’s get warmed up.” 

Tomoko spends ten minutes for the warm up, making sure that they’re well stretched before moving through the basic steps without a partner. She then practices with each of them separately, she leads first to demonstrate the steps and then allows the other to lead to see if they’ve learnt it properly. It’s not hard, just new but strangely fun. Tenzo finds himself enjoying the lesson and it reminds him of sparring with the knights. Albeit, a more gentle and less dangerous version of a spar. 

Just when he thinks the lesson is about to finish, Tomoko clasps her hands together and says, “Right. Now both of you together.”

Tenzo looks at Kakashi who’s mirroring his own hesitance and feels oddly relieved. He doesn’t think he’s seen Kakashi nervous before and the idea seems so wildly out of character that Tenzo has to bite down a laugh. 

“I thought we were covering just basics for the first lesson?” Tenzo queries but inches towards Kakashi regardless. 

“Yes, but the sooner you two get used to dancing with each other, the easier it will be to dance for the upcoming lessons and ceremony.” Tomoko replies and then winks. “Besides, I think I can take a hint.” 

Before Tenzo has any time to digest Tomoko’s throwaway remark, Kakashi is holding his hand out and despite removing his doublet, he still insists on wearing his gloves. Tenzo takes his hand, “Who’s going to lead?” 

“You’ll figure it out.” Tomoko says. “On my count.”

Kakashi pulls him in closer and it sets Tenzo off balance so he catches himself with a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. Well, that’s that question answered. Kakashi responds with his free hand finding its spot just under Tenzo’s shoulder blade and Tomoko counts, “One-two-three. One-two-three. One-two-three.” 

It’s overwhelming to say the least. Tomoko punctuates each number with a clap, Tenzo’s body is still on the edge of uncomfortably warm and Kakashi’s proximity doesn’t help cooling down at all. He wants to focus on the beats, Tomoko’s claps and her numbers that echo in the ballroom, but his eyes swim in between the tiles of the ballroom and the two pairs of feet and he doesn’t know where to concentrate his attention. He forgets to step backwards and promptly steps on Kakashi’s foot. “Sorry!” Tenzo exclaims but Kakashi doesn’t stop moving. 

Kakashi laughs quietly instead, a low pleasant sound that eases some of the tension from Tenzo’s shoulders, and he says, “You need to let me lead, Tenzo.” 

“Oh right, my bad.” Tenzo corrects himself. He holds himself a little looser and allows Kakashi to carry him across the floor. 

“Stop looking at your feet.” Kakashi advises. “Just look at me and listen to the rhythm.” 

Tenzo looks at him a little defiantly. “Should I tell Tomoko to go home? Since you’re apparently a dance prodigy.” 

Kakashi seems delighted at Tenzo’s retort and subconsciously pulls him closer. It’s how they’re meant to hold each other during the dance and Tenzo reminds himself to breathe for a moment. His previous apprehension didn’t allow for Kakashi to hold him so close. “I don’t know,” Kakashi says lightly. “I think you could still use a little practice.”

Tenzo scoffs but he smiles. Kakashi is talkative and it serves as a good distraction so that Tenzo doesn’t trample all over his feet. He wistfully wishes that Kakashi would talk like this more often. He catches the crown prince’s eyes. For a brief moment, a string is pulled taut, but Tenzo doesn’t know where from. It could be in his chest with the way his breath gets caught or it could be in the small space between them. A small line that makes itself known. They both seem to notice and Tenzo suddenly feels very dizzy with all the rounds they’re making across the floor. 

“That’s great work!” Tomoko declares. 

The string between them is sliced and they both separate swiftly from each other like heavy weights dangled from frayed rope. Tenzo feels hot all over, but his right palm and the space just under his shoulder blade seem to burn. “We’ll call it a day.” she states. “I’ll see you later this week for the scheduled lesson.” 

“Thank you.” Kakashi says and bows. 

Tenzo goes to collect his folded doublet on the side of the room and Tomoko bows. “It was my honour to teach you today. I look forward to our next lesson!” 

Tenzo amicably says, “Thank you. I shall see you then.” 

He turns, and for some reason unbeknownst to him, he expects Kakashi to be there, but it turns out he’s already collected his belongings and Tenzo catches the door shut just in time. 

What was that saying again? 

Danzo seldom praised him. Whenever Tenzo felt he had made great strides in his progress, Danzo would be critical and nitpick every minor detail. It’s foggy, but the echoes of Danzo’s words have already carved a space in Tenzo’s mind. 

Yes, he remembers now: one step forward, two steps back.

“You never formally agreed to my invitation.” Sukea mentions. 

On days like this, Tenzo remembers why he doesn’t sneak out as much to his hideout. The ground is hard now with a light layer of snow blanketing it, the earth’s frozen by winter’s grip, and life has been sucked out of the trees. They twist and coil, their branches reaching up to the heavens, stretching for something they couldn’t quite reach but still turn to anyway. Have they fallen in love with the stars? They must have. After they’ve shed their leafy coats and the stars reveal themselves with more clarity, Tenzo can’t blame them for at least trying to spare a touch.

“I’m agreeing,” Tenzo says and quickens his pace to catch up to Sukea. It’s far too cold to sit around to paint or read so they both decide to explore the area. “On one condition.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll try not to whisk you away at the end of the night,” Sukea jokes nudging Tenzo with his elbow. “I know you have someone waiting for you at home.” 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume you were flirting with me.” Tenzo says smugly.

Sukea hasn’t let up with his quips about his fiance but Tenzo takes them light heartedly. Sukea is the only one who has no pre-conceptions of Kakashi or how to perceive him, and the fact that he’s treated like a common person makes Tenzo feel like he can deal with Kakashi like a normal person. 

But he’s not. A voice stowed away in some part of his brain reminds him. He’s the crown prince. He’s Tenzo’s fiance. He’s the next king. They’re the next kings is his afterthought. 

“I’m insulted that you think I would do something as scandalous as become your mistress.” Sukea says mockingly. “Anyway, what is your condition?” 

“Let’s attend on the second day. It’s dedicated to earth and it’s my favourite day.” Tenzo replies. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Tenzo smiles. It certainly sounds like one. 

“Before I forget,” Sukea says and comes to a stop. Tenzo follows suit and Sukea gently pats the satchel he’s been carrying. “I finished my parting gift.” 

“Oh,” Tenzo says surprised. He knows that Sukea had mentioned it, but he didn’t realise that the artist had been working on it this whole time. In his choked up gratitude, he remembers to quickly follow up with, “Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Sukea says good-naturedly and pulls out a package wrapped in brown paper. “Your gift can be your presence with me to the festival.” 

Tenzo carefully takes the small package into his hands, his thumb finds the edge of where the paper is folded and Sukea quickly stops the action with a warm hand over Tenzo’s. “Open it when you get home.” He orders looking mildly sheepish. 

“You always paint in front of me, what difference does this make?” Tenzo comments but puts the gift away in his own bag regardless. Unless it’s a nude painting. His brain unhelpfully supplies. Then that would paint a completely different story. “Unless--”

Sukea pinches Tenzo’s ruddy cheek. “Give me some credit, Yamato. I’m not _that_ lewd.”

Tenzo chortles unexpectedly and Sukea joins in. “I wouldn’t put it past you.” He says breathlessly. 

Their heads are bowed closely together. Their cheeks rosy and eyes as bright as their smiles. Tenzo catches Sukea’s gaze and the lines around his eyes soften. Sukea’s forehead gently knocks against his own and Tenzo steadies his gait when he realises how closely drawn together they are.

“I think you need to cool off,” Sukea says with a devilish grin and he bends down to collect scraps of snow. 

“Don’t you d--” 

Tenzo starts to back away but Sukea pelts him with a snowball that he only manages to dodge narrowly. He gasps betrayed, and crouches over to pack his own snowball to retaliate. Tenzo wrenches his arm back and manages to land one on Sukea’s shoulder, it leaves him open to receive a snowball to the stomach and he yelps in surprise. 

They laugh wildly as a full blown snowball fight ensues. Tenzo thinks he hasn’t had this much fun since the summer ball incident where Tsunade had gotten drunk and he ended up losing one of his shoes trying to scale the palace wall because one of the knights (Anko) had dared him to. She proclaimed that the knights’ armour was much easier to move around in than his princely outfit and Tenzo, somewhat drunkenly, had protested. 

They reach a stalemate. The only sound is their haggard breathing in the empty space between them, Tenzo’s fingers are already achingly numb but his hands are still clenched around snowballs and Sukea mirrors his stance. “Should we call it a draw?” Sukea calls out but doesn’t ease once from his stance. 

“Is that all you’ve got?” Tenzo responds tauntingly. 

“I could do this all night,” Sukea says and shares a playful smirk, “I don’t know about you, though. I thought I should spare you some mercy with a draw.” 

Tenzo rolls his eyes and launches one of his snowballs. It prompts Sukea to throw his own in retaliation but he misses because Tenzo’s already rolled away (he’s using his knight training tactics, and no he doesn’t consider it as cheating) and rises to throw his last one into the artist’s face. After it lands and Sukea wipes away the remnants to reveal his unimpressed expression, Tenzo bursts into loud peals of laughter that have him doubling over and clutching his stomach.

“I win.” Tenzo says triumphantly in between laughs. 

Sukea responds by walking over and sticking his frozen hands into the exposed patch of skin on Tenzo’s neck. The crown prince ungracefully shrieks and jumps away from Sukea’s hands. “Don’t be a sore loser.” Tenzo reprimands lightly, he suppresses a shiver and draws his cloak hood up. 

“You’re the one that introduced stunts in a snowball fight,” Sukea retorts. 

Tenzo’s not sure why, but he hazards a guess that it’s because it’s cold--a guess is not an answer--and presses his side against Sukea. It helps somewhat, and he shakily fixes his gloves over his hands, trying to will his unfeeling fingers into some sort of coordination. Then Sukea’s own come into view and he holds the glove open so Tenzo can shove his fingers in. When Tenzo tilts his head up, his forehead softly bumps against Sukea’s cheek before he catches sight of Sukea’s warm and focused gaze. 

“Thank you.” Tenzo says because it’s all he can offer. 

Sukea smiles and squeezes his hands before leaving them. Tenzo thinks they might be colder now. 

A knock at the door startles him and he nearly drops the painting in the process. Sukea had gifted him a portrait and unlike the stone faced paintings that hung on the walls of the palace, Sukea had painted him under a thin spotlight of sun. Tenzo thinks he almost looks serene in the backdrop of foliage.

He sets the painting down on his dresser and he opens his door to reveal Tsunade. “Tenzo!” she greets. “I just wanted to see how you were doing with all the preparations.” 

He steps aside to invite her into his room. “It’s going well,” he answers. “Everything is going accordingly.” 

“I heard your dancing lessons have come early.” She mentions wryly. Tsunade’s eyes catch on the painting on his dresser before he can comment about the lessons. “When did you get a portrait commissioned, Tenzo?” 

“I didn’t,” he says honestly. “It was a gift from Sukea.” 

Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. “He seems very fond of you.” 

Tenzo chuckles uncertainly, he hopes so because he’s quite fond of Sukea. “I mean, we are friends.” 

Tsunade eyes the painting again. “I have to say, he’s an exceptional painter. May I?”

Tenzo nods in affirmation and Tsunade takes the painting into her hands. “We may have to hire him for your next portrait. What do you think?” 

He bawks. “I don’t think that will be a good idea. He doesn’t know about _this_.” Tenzo makes an oscillating gesture around the room. 

Tsunade shoots him an interrogative look. “What exactly do you mean by _this_?”

“The whole _prince_ thing.” Tenzo admits. Heat crackles against his neck, and the high neckline of his doublet itches again. 

Tsunade sighs heavily. “What am I going to do with you, Tenzo?” She sets the painting down. “I’m not going to say anything about your strange arrangement with Sukea. As long as you keep on top of your responsibilities, like you’re doing now, you’re free to play pretend but this can’t last forever, and I think you know that better than I do.” 

She’s right. The Midwinter Festival is nothing compared to the duties of a king and it’s already deemed itself difficult in his game of pretend. Speaking of, he’s reminded to ask Tsunade, “Can I attend the festival?” She responds with a quizzical look. “Just on the second day. The royal court can handle one missing appearance.” 

Tsunade presses her lips into a tight line. “Just this one.” She says. They both know that if his marriage goes through, he’ll be king by the next festival and he won’t be able to escape at all. “Don’t cause trouble.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” 

She smiles and rolls her eyes. “You’re doing well, Prince Tenzo.” Tsunade says sincerely. “Have a good night. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

After she leaves, Tenzo picks up the portrait again and then looks at his own reflection in the mirror. A fleeting murmur skips in his chest, yes Tsunade was right because she tended to be. Sukea is fond of him. He paints Tenzo with a gentle brush that catches across his plain dark eyes and he sees the sun’s reflection. His cheeks are as rosy as the flowers that are scattered around him. Then his necklace blends in beautifully, and Tenzo had almost missed it if he weren’t scrutinising the painting so critically. It almost tells him that, yes you are part of a family, but that is just one small part of you and there are other parts that make you up. He thinks of the royal portraits and how he’s crowned in every single one of them. The Senju insignia stitched on his lapel somewhere to remind people of his worth and what he amounts to. 

He sets down the painting again and decides to scurry to the library. It’s much quieter at this time of night and he prefers it that way. Tenzo makes his way to the table he had occupied with Kakashi prior, and he isn’t surprised to find that the table’s been cleared but was hopeful that the book had stayed behind. 

It doesn’t take him long to find it again and he slides the oil lamp closer to the book. When he opens it, the book gives way easily to a page indicating that whoever’s been reading it had previously visited this page many times before. It’s the Senju family tree. The same uneasiness that had unfurled in his stomach before makes itself known again. He knows he’s not on the tree. There are no official records of him, after all, Danzo and Orochimaru had taken that right away from him. 

Tenzo looks at where the tree finishes, just under Prince Nawaki and a space beneath Tsunade and Prince Dan’s names. He absentmindedly strokes the empty space and wonders if Kakashi’s done the same. Tenzo wonders if he had sat in the same place at the table and was left dumbfounded at the lack of information. Or, maybe, Kakashi had found the answers he’d been looking for. Tenzo isn’t sure what they could be, but he closes the book and returns it to its place on the shelf. He has other important matters at hand so he’ll burn that bridge when he reaches it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!! sending all of you my love and the very best for 2021!!!
> 
> talk kkyam to me on:
> 
> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com


	6. v. be still my foolish heart (don’t ruin this on me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi proposes a new idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't looked over this and will do it later!! just a heads up in case you reread it and find it's slightly different hehe
> 
> enjoy!!!!!

“You know, I’m surprised you managed to get out of the palace, let alone have time to get into the training grounds.” 

The cacophony of clanging swords rings across the grounds and harmonises with the clinking of armour. Tenzo grunts with exertion. He likes to think he can multitask, but he finds himself focally concentrated during sparring, especially the sword fighting kind. 

“Anko, _please_ I don’t want to accidentally get stabbed.” He pleads when he parries one of Yugao’s strikes. 

Yugao scoffs from behind her great helm. “Have a little faith in my sword skills will you, Prince Tenzo?” 

“It’s not that,” he says and dodges one of her swipes. “I don’t have faith in mine when distracted.” 

“You’re not doing too bad,” Anko comments from the sidelines. “You’re lighter on your feet, like that cat that’s been making its home in the barracks.” 

Tenzo laughs breathlessly. “At least my dance lessons have been paying off.” 

Yugao’s attention seems to get diverted by that comment and Tenzo takes the opportunity to disarm her of her sword. She raises both hands up and drops down onto one of her knees, a sign of surrender and signalling that the spar has come to a stop. He takes a moment to catch his breath, and raises the visor of his great helm before offering a hand to Yugao and she jumps up to her feet. “I have to agree,” she says, “you’re more agile.” 

Before Tenzo can ask _really?_ Anko shouts, “Me next!” and she replaces Yugao’s position on the field. She fixes herself into the alternate version of third stance. “I want to see your fancy footwork.” 

“Can’t you spare me a moment to breathe?” Tenzo asks but he’s already putting himself into the first stance and shutting his visor. 

“No chance.” Anko grins and throws her first strike. 

Tenzo parries it easily. He likes to spar with Anko because she acts more spontaneously. Yugao has been training with the knights since Tenzo moved into the main palace and Anko had only joined a few years prior. All her fighting was a result of being under Orochimaru’s care and then being refined by joining the cavalry. Tenzo quickly loses himself in the rhythm of their spar and almost lands a critical hit on Anko who momentarily loses her footing because she’s paying attention to whatever’s behind Tenzo instead of the sword that the crown prince is swinging. 

He yanks his sword back quickly. “Come on, Anko! Take this seriously, I could’ve hurt you,” he reprimands but his worried tone betrays the urgency. 

She sounds a low whistle and flips her great helm open. “You know he’s a looker with only half his face showing.”

Tenzō swivels on his heel and finds Kakashi cutting through the training knights with his regal presence. Anko snickers behind him and Yugao elbows her in the side before they both bow. At least he has someone on his side.

Tenzo flips his great helm open. “Your presence is needed, Prince Tenzo.” Kakashi says when he stops in front of the brunette.

He wants to ask why because he knows that his final fitting isn’t until later this week and their final dance lesson is this evening. He had already checked with the organisers and everyone’s on their final adjustments and he’s sure he’s double checked what’s been authorised and rejected. So, there’s really no need for Tenzo to be in the castle. 

Regardless, he nods and turns to bow to Anko and Yugao. “Thank you for today’s session.” Tenzo says. 

“No problem, have fun on your _other session_ without us.” Anko teases and winks. 

Tenzo holds onto all his prince etiquette lessons and doesn’t reply with a retort. When both princes start to head to the castle, an almost imperceptible hand is placed on Tenzo’s lower back and he gives Kakashi a quizzical look. Kakashi raises his eyebrows back. 

It’s not the first time it’s happened. Somewhere along the line, Kakashi had initiated a strange game of sharing the world’s mildest displays of affections which are strictly limited to touch. Tenzo supposes it’s because most servers tended to approach them with hopes of catching them in the middle of an affectionate display and to run the rumour mill. Many left disappointed and perturbed that not a single one of them had caught any of the alleged princes in a romantic setting at all. Tenzo wants to stress that it’s rude to try to catch people in the act but agrees that their suspicions aren’t misplaced. They’re engaged and under the watchful eye of anyone at all times and he’s sure there’s more gossip about Lady Utatane that he would like to admit. 

Kakashi started it in the quiet space of the library. He had tentatively reached over and squeezed Tenzo’s hand to gain his attention. Tenzo, startled mostly because it was _Kakashi_ and not the touch itself, was about to question it when Kakashi slyly pointed out a palace servant a few steps away from them. And said palace servant was doing an awful job of hiding her glee with her pressed lips buckling under the strain of a smile threatening to break out on her face. 

Tenzo’s not stupid so he decided to play Kakashi’s game. He knows reports of it will make their way to the royal cabinet and he needs all the good reputation he can get to the run up of the Midwinter Festival. He had nothing to lose, except maybe his dignity because he didn’t like to stir the pot and squeezing Kakshi’s hand in the library felt scandalous. He’s a private person after all.

But this is new and very public and Tenzo suddenly feels very singled out on the training ground. He may be wearing armor like the other knights but none of them are being ushered out by the small of their back by a prince. He tamps down on the pride that lights up a spark in his chest, averts eye contact with the rest of the knights and pretends he doesn’t hear the quiet murmur that’s rippled across the grounds. 

When they reach the palace, they unexpectedly run into Tsunade who looks like she’s one tariff report away from self combusting. She takes a cursory glance over her nephew and his fiance and her eyebrows almost disappear into her hairline. “It’s nice to see you boys getting along.” Tsunade comments. 

“What did you need me for?” Tenzo asks assuming that Tsunade had beckoned him. 

She pulls a confused look. “What do you mean? Anyway, I need to go, I have another meeting but good luck with the rest of the preparations.” But before she leaves, she shoots Kakashi a stony glare. “Hatake.” 

“Yes, Queen Tsunade?” 

Tenzo bites his lip, it shouldn’t be funny the way that Kakashi’s voice raises slightly and how he could only be frightened by Tsunade. “Behave yourself.” Tsunade warns and is whisked away to another meeting. 

Kakashi sags with relief upon Tsunade’s absence and Tenzo thinks he can hear him mumble _I will_ under his breath and from behind his mask. “What was I summoned for?” Tenzo asks. 

“For me,” Kakashi answers quietly. He ushers them into one of the study rooms by the library. 

Tenzo sets his great helm on the table as Kakashi locks the door. The brunette places a hand on his hip and tries to stop the barrage of questions that swarm in his mind. Kakashi takes an apprehensive step forward. “I apologise that it’s taken me so long to address this,” he starts, voice clear and slow. “I was a little tentative at first.” 

Tenzo’s sure he has an incredulous expression on his face but he doesn’t say anything. Kakashi presses on, “I think it would be some benefit if people saw us as a more cohesive unit.” 

The incredulous expression has deepened now. “What do you mean?” Tenzo asks.

“I would like to know you better, Tenzo.” Kakashi says it like it’s almost a confession. 

Better late than never, Tenzo supposes but he won’t allow himself to give in that easy. This is all simply politics and that’s all he would provide. “Okay,” Tenzo agrees quietly, “but don’t forget that it goes both ways, Prince Kakashi.” 

Kakashi nods. It feels like Tenzo’s unearthed an old dusty box from the back of his mind. He thinks of their initial meetings and the frustration that would bubble under his skin when Kakashi wouldn’t spare him a word. He gets reminded of his first meeting with Sukea. 

“I’m a man of my word,” Kakashi says with a light lilt. 

“Is that all?” 

“I suppose so.” 

It falls silent. There are more questions he wants to ask, like why now? Had the pressure of the festival forced Kakashi to fold his hand? But Tenzo didn’t want to scare away the only opportunity he has to learn more about the Uzushio prince and folds his hand too.

“I’ll see you at our dancing lesson. I need to get out of this.” Tenzo emphasises his point by knocking on his chest piece. 

They walk side by side to Tenzo’s room and Kakashi doesn’t usher him by the small of his back this time. The last time they had done this, Tenzo was ridiculously drunk and he hurries inside his room in hopes that Kakashi won’t get reminded of that fact. 

They meet again at their final dance lesson. Tomoko had left the last day for dress rehearsal and lights up at the sight of the two princes in their full regalia. Tsunade also decided to drop in and watch which meant that Lady Shizune was with her. Not to mention they’ve gathered a small band to play live music and it’s only three people equipped with a harpsichord, a single drum, and a lute. A small crowd’s still a crowd and although they’ve been rehearsing for three weeks, Tenzo’s gut still swims with nerves. 

“Tenzo,” Kakashi whispers and Tenzo tears his eyes away from the door he’s definitely not eyeing. “Focus on me.” 

The brunette squints at him. “I’d love to but my eyes hurt looking at you.” 

Kakashi scoffs, “Your crown’s bigger than mine.” 

“You have more jewels.” Tenzo says and flicks one of the gems. His hand comes down to the collar of Kakashi’s doublet where the gold pin of the Hatake insignia rests, while the other side of the collar holds the Uzushio crest. “And pins.” 

Kakashi’s hand wraps around Tenzo’s, his palm still radiates warmth even from under the glove and Tenzo absentmindedly wonders how Kakashi’s hands would feel, after all, he’s sure he’s never seen them without the gloves before. “Shall we begin?” He asks. 

The music fills the room and they start the dance with Tenzo taking the lead. After weeks of switching leads, they decided it would be best to incorporate a dance where they would do both, and Tenzo would lead first. It signified Konoha inviting Uzushio to become a part of the kingdom before they would seamlessly switch to Kakashi taking over and symbolising Uzushio’s acceptance and integration to the kingdom. Tomoko had been delighted with the idea and immediately tinkered with the choreography to insert their middle ground. 

Tenzo still feels plucky, he’s sure he’s wound tighter than the strings on the lute but he steels himself and forces himself to look at Kakashi. He musters a reassuring look, as well as he can concoct from behind a mask and Tenzo exhales smoothly. 

“You worry too much.” Kakashi says in between their shared space. 

“I don’t know how you don’t worry at all.” Tenzo responds with a crease between his brows. 

“I’ve been told I internalise my stress very well.” 

“That’s worrying.” Tenzo says without missing a beat and even Kakashi has to hold back a grin. 

“Time for the big change,” Kakashi notifies over the swell of the music. 

The rest of the dance goes well and when they come to a stop, they don’t pull away as hastily as they often do. Tenzo has to take his eyes off Kakashi’s heavy gaze and they fall on the gold buttons and pins that decorate the front of his doublet. They rise with each dizzying breath that Kakashi takes.

Tomoko claps loudly and the crown princes jump apart. “Wonderful!” she compliments. “You’re all set for the Midwinter Festival.” 

Tsunade approaches them next. She claps a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder and ruffles Tenzo’s hair. “Good job,” she says. “You’ve prepared well for this year’s festival. Now, you just have to get the festival out the way.” 

From behind her, Lady Shizune raises two thumbs up and an encouraging smile. “Thank you.” Tenzo replies before returning his coronet. Kakashi moves to do the same.

Tsunade leaves with Lady Shizune in tow. Tenzo goes to bid Tomoko goodbye and to present her with her parting presents. “It was a joy to teach you,” Tomoko says and pulls Tenzo into a hug. “If you need me for next year, don’t be afraid to write!” 

“I’ll make sure of it,” Tenzo says.

After her departure, Tenzo had expected Kakashi to be long gone but instead he had idly waited and is currently curiously eyeing the harpsichord keys. He plays a lone note.

“Do you play?” Tenzo asks when he reaches the side of the ballroom. 

“No, I was waiting for you.” Kakashi replies and it takes Tenzo by surprise. 

“I’m going to head to my quarters after this,” Tenzo informs. “I didn’t realise we had other arrangements.” 

“We don’t,” Kakashi confirms. “I’ll walk you to your quarters.” 

Tenzo doesn’t protest and instead turns, indicating that he’s about to leave and Kakashi follows. 

It’s strange, but not unwelcome. Ever since their conversation in the study room, Kakashi is holding up his end of the bargain and is clearly making an effort in making appearances with Tenzo. It has gotten to a point where even Tenzo finds himself expecting Kakashi to turn up at the training grounds and realising how much empty space there was around him until Kakashi’s presence had filled it. He’s quiet and observant and it reminds Tenzo of Sukea when he painted. The artist had a witty mouth and the only time it could stop making quips was when he would silently observe -- _me_ \-- the object of his painting. It was nice to have someone accompany you throughout the day.

Tsunade seemed pleased despite her early trepidations and would even spare an inquisitive look when Kakashi had leaned too close and Tenzo would suddenly feel sixteen all over again just like he had debuted in front of visiting crown princes and princesses. She did, however, bring it up during one dinner and even Lady Shizune was listening intently to the conversation. “So, things are going well with Prince Kakashi I presume?” Tsunade said with bright eyes. 

It was bait and it was clear as day. Tsunade probably expected some whirlwind story of how they’re falling in love and definitely not how he was cornered into a study room into another form of agreement. “Yes, they are.” Tenzo replied and shovelled a bread roll in his mouth before Tsunade could ask another question.

Anko, on the other hand, is enjoying Kakashi’s presence and each of Kakashi’s visits to the training grounds only fuels her giddy joy. “Look, I don’t know what you did--although,” she gasps scandalised, “I assume it had something to do with--” 

“--do _not_ finish that sentence--”

“--but I am so glad you did.” Anko grins devilishly. “Am I allowed to have a go before you wed?” 

Tenzo fixes her an unimpressed look. “I don’t think that’s allowed, and even if it was, I--”

He stops himself short. What is he saying? Tenzo swallows the rest of his words and Anko’s smile, although it shouldn’t be physically impossible, grows wider. “Don’t be jealous, Prince Tenzo.” She teases. “I could never take him away from you, I mean, with the way he looks at y--”

“ _DUCK!_ ” someone yells across the grounds before they both lay themselves flat. 

So yes, it’s different but Tenzo doesn’t reject their new dynamic. 

They have their final suit fitting together to ensure that their outfits are complementary. It will be Kakashi’s first Konoha regalia, he had been donning his Uzushio one around the palace, and Tenzo won’t admit it out loud but Kakashi _is_ a very good looking prince. He blames the new suit for that thought and his bias with Konoha’s dark colours being sported instead of Uzushio’s lighter palette. 

Tenzo runs his thumb over the Senju insignia sewn on his sash and smiles. It’s the first time he’s worn it publicly. Tsunade had been fearful of the consequences that would arise with Tenzo’s birthright, she allowed him to dress like a prince and to be treated as one, but to be presented as the Senju crown prince was a different matter. She was right anyway, even as a simple prince there had been threats to his life and he can’t imagine what that would’ve been like if most people had known he was the heir to the throne. 

He catches Kakashi looking at Tenzo’s sash with inquiring eyes and it reminds Tenzo of the book. The one that Kakashi had been studying about the Senju family tree and that same uneasy feeling makes itself known again. Some days, it doesn’t matter how much he dresses up or is treated like a prince. Even the weight of Tsunade’s necklace around his neck doesn’t ground him when he’s swept away in his thoughts of having a place to belong. 

He’s always had difficulty with it. Tenzo knows he’s better at handling his doubts now but sometimes it will knock the breath out of his lungs like a punch to the gut. Once, he had been winded on the training grounds and the struggle to breathe is something akin to his first nights in the palace. He used to wake up in cold sweat. He couldn’t trust that there was so much space in his room. Anyone could hide in the sidelines and he would be gone, _again_ and he was sure that this time Danzo would make it so nobody could ever find him. 

When the fitting is over, Tenzo leaves in a rush and stows himself away in his room. He takes Tsunade’s necklace off and gently hangs it off his dresser mirror before picking up his book with pressed flowers. 

He gently traces Sukea’s artwork and the motion calms his nerves a little. He aches for an easygoing conversation with Sukea. Tenzo didn’t need to pretend to be someone he wasn’t (except that he did, a traitorous voice reminds him. You aren’t Prince Tenzo there, you are Yamato, and it’s only easy because you don’t have duties) and didn’t have the expectations of the world mounting his shoulders. 

He looks at his portrait. It’s the closest he’ll have to the truest version of himself. 

There’s a knock at the door. 

Tenzo looks outside the window, the night sky is dark so that the fields stretch out into inky blackness and the waxing moon does little to light the outside, so who would want him at such an hour? He opens the door to find Kakashi. “What is it?” he asks and steps outside, shutting the door behind him.

“I wanted to give you something,” he says earnestly. “A gift from my kingdom and my family.” 

Kakashi opens his palm and presents a gold Hatake pin. It’s a square outline with three perpendicular lines hatching the centre. Tenzo swallows through a tight throat. “Oh,” is all he can manage. 

“I was meant to give it to you at the start of the arrangement but I thought now’s the best time.” Kakashi explains but he’s not looking at Tenzo. Instead, he’s eyeing the pin solemnly. “For the festival.” 

Tenzo holds out his hand and Kakashi presses the pin to his palm. “Thank you,” he says, “I’ll make sure to take care of it.” 

Kakashi’s hand lingers before he releases his hold. “Goodnight, Tenzo.” 

“Goodnight, Kakashi.” 

When Kakashi leaves, Tenzo finds he’s unable to sleep and instead inspects the pin by twisting it between his forefinger and thumb. Names are precious, aren’t they? When Kakashi was born, he was born into the Hatake name but when Tenzo was under Danzo’s care, his name hadn’t been Tenzo at all. It had been _Kinoe_. The name sends ripples of discomfort under his skin so he stands up, places the Hatake pin on his dresser and leaves his bedroom in pursuit.

Even after twenty minutes of searching, Tenzo is still surprised to find Kakashi, he had half assumed that his pursuits would be in vain but he finds the other crown prince leaning on the balcony with his head tilted to the moon. He quietly approaches and takes his place next to Kakashi. 

“You’re still up at this hour, Tenzo?” Kakashi asks but doesn’t look away from the moon. 

He gently basks under the moon’s spotlight. This is the most vulnerable Tenzo has seen him. He slouches slightly, almost curling into himself and holding his cards close to his chest on a playing table where he’s the only player. Tenzo can only spectate after all.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Tenzo says softly. “I couldn’t sleep.” 

Kakashi huffs a quiet chuckle. “Neither could I.” 

“If I could ask, what’s bothering you?” Tenzo traces a pattern on the stone balustrade. He draws a square and hatching lines.

“Home.” Kakashi answers. Tenzo thinks about how Kakashi had looked longingly at the Hatake pin before giving it to Tenzo. He turns to look at the brunette. “You?” 

“The festival,” he lies. His eyes feel raw and overused. Here, Kakashi is seemingly being truthful and opening up about something for once, and Tenzo takes the opportunity to lie. It paints the walls of his stomach with guilt.

“You have no need to worry about that,” Kakashi says softly. “You’ve organised it well. I’m sure it will turn out great.” 

Kakshi’s words of comfort cut through him because they don’t blanket the wound that Tenzo is scratching. How is he meant to explain that sometimes, he feels like he doesn’t belong under his own name? Let alone a crown and a palace and a husband. He forces himself to say _thank you_ anyway. 

“Why is home bothering you? Has something happened?” Tenzo moves on. He needs to talk about anything except himself. 

“No,” Kakashi says lightly. “I just miss it.” 

“You can visit if you’d like.” Tenzo offers and places a hand on Kakashi’s arm. “I’m sure Tsunade won’t hold it against you.” 

Kakashi shakes his head. “I have too much work to do here.” 

Tenzo nods sagely in agreement. “I’ll make sure you’ll get a chance to visit.” he insists. “It’s unfair to keep you away from home for too long.” 

Kakashi smiles a little sadly, Tenzo knows because tt doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m sure we’ll both go when we have the chance. My father had mentioned in his letters that he wanted to meet you.” 

Tenzo swallows thickly. A crown and a palace and a husband and a family. The list continues. “I think that would be nice.”

The silence between them fills the conversation instead and they don’t talk for the rest of the evening until they bid each other goodnight. Tenzo returns to his bed more restless than he left. 

_Kinoe. Kinoe. Kinoe. What have you learnt today, Kinoe? That’s not enough. You will never be enough until I tell you so_. 

_Kinoe._

_When will you learn, Kinoe? Recite them again. Again. Again. Kinoe. Again._

_Kinoe._

_You’ll learn under me, Kinoe. I have high hopes for you. So you better not disappoint me._

_Kinoe._

My name’s not Kinoe.

“--zo?” 

Tenzo startles out of his thoughts and Tsunade furrows her brows together in concern. “Are you alright, Tenzo?” she asks and squeezes his shoulder. “You don’t look very well.” 

Whoever’s speaking drones on. It’s not like Tenzo had been listening in the first place. His sleep deprived brain keeps wandering and leading him astray from the meeting but it’s better than falling asleep. He had the mistake of doing that once and apparently he had snored. He went to bed early for a week after that. He’s still not sure if he’s completely managed to get rid of the embarrassment. Tsunade had said it looked like he needed the rest and didn’t bother to disturb him from his peaceful slumber on the meeting table.

He waves a nonchalant hand. “I didn’t sleep very well last night, that’s all.” 

“If you need more rest, feel free to do so,” Tsunade’s still frowning. “I’m sure Kakashi will notify you of anything that’s important.” 

“Thank you, but I think I can make it through the final meeting.” Tenzo says but the worry doesn’t ease off Tsunade’s face completely. He hasn’t had a nightmare in years, not like the ones from the beginning, but they still rear their ugly heads and Tsunade wasn’t a stranger to them.

The Midwinter Festival will begin tomorrow and the whole palace is buzzing with excitement and last minute preparations. The atmosphere should be infectious but the lack of sleep paired with the monotonous meeting has Tenzo slipping out of reality and phasing into his daydreams. Maybe he did need a nap. 

Kakashi reaches under the table and places a warm and steady hand on Tenzo’s knee. It’s oddly comforting. Tenzo rests his own hand over Kakashi’s and he’s sure he heard one of the servers from the corner behind him squeak. For a moment, he pretends it’s not a ruse. 

Would Kakashi reach out to him like this if they knew each other differently? Would Kakashi reach out to someone like this at all? Tenzo still has so much to uncover and he doesn’t know where to start. Even with their new agreement, it’s starting to look like Kakashi is more difficult to decipher with what he reveals. 

“Stop worrying,” Kakashi whispers when he leans in slightly. 

“I’m not.” Tenzo assures but Kakashi then takes his free hand to smooth the crease between Tenzo’s brows. They’re in the middle of a meeting and clearly not paying attention but he’s sure the only person who would object in the room is Tsunade, and even she’s dozing off a little. 

Kakashi gives him a knowing look. “I just didn’t sleep well,” Tenzo repeats his early excuse. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up so late last night.” 

There’s _definitely_ a badly hidden splutter from behind them and Tenzo colours at their assumption. “No, it wasn’t you, don’t worry.” Tenzo assures and pats Kakashi’s hand.

Lady Shizune harrumphs and the crown princes both turn to look at her. She sends them a glare and nods to the head of the table where the Head Organiser is still going through the itinerary of day one out of five. 

Tenzo and Kakashi both send back apologetic looks but when Lady Shizune turns, Kakashi is back in Tenzo’s space again. In a much quieter voice, he asks, “Did you notice?” He tilts his head discreetly towards the server in the corner.

“How could you not?” Tenzo says smiling. 

“Let’s test it out.” 

Tenzo mouths _what?_ and Kakashi responds by brushing one of Tenzo’s locks from his eyes and tucking it behind his ear. Another stifled squeak erupts from behind them. “I’m not playing this game,” Tenzo says but he punctuates his sentence with a gentle pat to Kakashi’s face. 

Kakashi’s eyes crinkle up in glee but before they can escalate their game any further, Lady Shizune makes another disappointed harrumph and the crown princes finally put their attention back towards the Head Organiser.

Tenzo slips back into his daydreams. He’s usually more attentive than this but he really didn’t sleep well and by the time he had become comfortable, the sun was already breaking through the skyline and he needed to get ready for a full day.

The mention of _earth day_ catches his attention and he nearly jolts up straight in his seat. How could he forget? In the flurry of preparations and new adjustments with Kakashi, the idea of attending had slipped out of his mind. There’s also the fact that he hadn’t seen Sukea in a while and had no idea how they’re going to attend together. They had agreed to meet at noon at the town fountain and Tenzo had stupidly agreed despite knowing it was a hotspot and would easily fill with many people who could identify him. Would he need to don a disguise? Maybe he would just have to hold his head low with his cloak hood over it. 

Tenzo’s thoughts run back to Sukea again. He wonders how the artist is coping and if he’s doing well. Did he still visit their spot? Has Sukea thought of him this time or is he unrequitedly keeping Sukea in his thoughts? No, he’s not stupid, Sukea’s parting gift had said it all and he’s not sure if knowing that is any better.

Tenzo raises his hand to his chin and the citrusy scent of satsumas hits his senses. He thinks of when Sukea lent him his cloak and how the smell of the fruit lingered, but he hadn’t eaten any satsumas today. He looks down at Kakashi’s hand, still on his knee and wordlessly admits to himself that he wishes Sukea were here instead.

Tenzo forces himself to discard that thought. Tsunade was right. She always was. If he keeps up this game of pretend, he would have to choose between his duties or to frolic in the woodland. He needed to serve his kingdom, whatever he wanted could always come after.

So, he returns his hand to where it was resting before on Kakashi’s. He curls his fingers around Kakashi’s palm. He’s already played a game of pretend before. It wouldn’t hurt to play another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so uni is starting back up but i will try, keyword try, to put up the next chapter by 14/01 and if not then it'll 16/01 or 18/01 because my job changed its opening hours!! 
> 
> talk kkyam to me:  
> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com


	7. vi. thrown here or found (to freeze or to thaw)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kingdom celebrates the Midwinter Festival.

Playing pretend is easy when you can distract yourself. It is much harder when you’re forced to sit at the royal panel and look at everybody enjoying themselves. There’s an unscratchable itch that bubbles under Tenzo’s skin that he fights back restlessly with tapping his fingers on the table and standing up every once in a while to stretch his legs, but even he doesn’t have the liberty to pace around for too long or for too far. The royal guards don’t allow him to stray too far from the table and he’s also tasked with granting royal blessings to his people. It isn’t hard work. Just slightly overwhelming, especially with the amount of people who ask if Tenzo could hold their babies and he’d accept despite his lack of experience with children.

The initiation had gone well, basically pitch perfect according to their plans and after all the customary speeches, Tenzo had been dragged to the royal panel to continue with his royal duties even though he’d been eyeing the food stall that advertised a chiffon cake topped with a caramel custard layer and wanted to grab one before he got swallowed whole with his job.

At least the kingdom is jovial. The sun, although she spares no warmth onto the kingdom, still shines brightly and breaks through the grey clouds of winter. Music can be heard from every corner of the town and the atmosphere is inescapable, everywhere there are smiling faces milling about and the people embrace and laugh and it makes Tenzo’s heart ache with want. Kakashi had managed to escape, Tenzo doesn’t know _how_ Kakashi had pulled it off, but he wishes he had asked him to get food from a stall. He knows that roasted walnuts are popular during winter too and returns to drumming his fingers against the table to stop his traitorous brain from wandering off.

When another villager approaches the dais, Tenzo raises to greet her with a bow and she bows back enthusiastically despite her protruding pregnant belly restricting most of the movement. “It is an honour to be in your presence, Your Majesty.” she says when Tenzo reaches over to shake her hand. 

“It’s my pleasure to attend the festival and be surrounded with such merry festivities.” Tenzo replies. He’s sure he’s said it enough to last a lifetime but he’s genuine every single time. “I wish you good health and fortune.” 

She rubs her full belly and with bright eyes says, “Thank you, Your Highness. I look forward to your reign and a bountiful year.” 

“May I?” He reaches out again. 

She takes his hand, and places it over her belly. He lets out nervous yet impressed noise. “Please accept my belated congratulations.” 

“Your congratulations is appreciated.”

He lifts his hand, she leaves with a bounce in her step and is then immediately followed by another person in a dark cloak. The guards shift imperceptibly, anyone who concealed their hands is immediately placed under suspicion. Tenzo thinks it’s an overreaction, nobody would be foolish enough to try to attack the royal family in broad daylight unless they wanted to be persecuted in record time. So he bows without hesitance and the man returns the gesture but his arms remain stiffly under the cloak. A long lock of dark hair falls over the man’s eyes.

“Thank you for coming to the festival,” Tenzo says, settling on the most neutral phrase. Some people get nervous and he understands that sometimes words would escape them. He’s also had his fair share of interesting variations of the royal bow, so for the stranger to not reach out for his hand isn’t too unusual. “Are you enjoying it so far?”

“Very much so.” The man replies. He gives a tight-lipped smile like he’s been coerced to attend in front of Tenzo. “I hope you are too.” 

“I’m glad,” Tenzo responds good-naturedly, “it’s always a joy to see the kingdom like this.” 

The man reaches out and a wave of relief sweeps over the guards. Tenzo takes the man’s hand and gives a firm shake. “I look forward to your reign, Prince Tenzo.” 

He leaves and before Tenzo can digest the interaction, his space is immediately replaced by another man and Tenzo bows instinctually. When he rises, he meets Kakashi’s almost playful eyes as if he’s trying to hide a surprise and reaches to shake his hand. He looks regal and elegant in his new suit, he dons the dark Konoha doublet with a darker sash around his waist, the front is bare of his usual buttons and links and instead is simply accented with the gold Hatake pin on one collar and the Uzushio spiral on the other. On top of it all, is a white cloak that matches Tenzo’s.

“Uzushio sends their greetings.” Kakashi says. 

Tenzo grins in amusement. “Konoha accepts them warmly. Tell me, are you enjoying the festival?”

Kakshi shrugs, “I’d much prefer it if I had a companion.” 

Tenzo drops their short lived ruse. “I can’t leave the panel.”

Kakashi seems to ponder this for a moment, but Tenzo knows he’s already made up his mind and doesn’t waste any time when Kakashi lends a hand and he walks around the table. 

“Uh, Prince Tenzo--” one of the guards says cautiously but Kakashi waves a dismissive hand.

“He’s with me.” Kakashi says and drags him into the crowd. 

“Shouldn’t we bring a guard?” Tenzo suggests while he draws his cloak up with his free hand. 

“I have that covered,” Kakashi motions his head to the sidelines where a knight lifts their visor and reveals Yuago who nods and spares a timid wave before closing it again. 

Tenzo smiles widely, a genuine one that’s often reserved for behind the doors of Tsunade’s study or for Sukea in their hidden recesses deep in the forest. He tugs on Kakashi’s hand. “Let’s go this way.” 

He ushers them to the food stand he’d been eyeing before to grab a portion of the caramel custard cake. They have to stop the vendor from giving away their entire stall when they see both princes approach and Tenzo shoves a forkful of cake into his mouth when Kakashi looks over to plead for help and leaves the Uzushio crown prince to fight off the vendor’s protests. 

Kakashi sighs dramatically as they walk away from the stall. “Maa, I can’t believe you abandoned me Tenzo.” 

“You left me at the royal panel, think of it as payback.” Tenzo replies. He thinks about offering some of the cake to Kakashi but that would mean pulling down his mask. His fingers tighten around the two-pronged fork and he finishes off the cake. 

There’s a loud roar not too far from then and before Tenzo realises what he’s doing, he’s already weaving in between the festival goers and pulling Kakashi along with him. They stop at the outskirts of a large crowd congregated around an open field where a jousting competition is occurring. Both competitors are in their respective places, there is a referee holding a downwards flag in the middle and the entire crowd draws a breath in anticipation. Tenzo can only see so much on his tiptoes and he huffs when he falls back on flat feet again. 

Kakashi places a hand on the small of his back. “Shall we get closer?” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Tenzo frowns even though all he can see is a patch of field and the other half of the crowd standing on the opposite side. 

But Kakashi presses on and it’s Tenzo who has to say “Excuse me-- sorry--” as Kakashi uses him as a human shield through the crowd. They make it about halfway when a voice pipes up and loudly announces, “Hey, isn’t that the prince?” 

Suddenly, there’s a quiet murmur of interest that targets both princes and it quickly snowballs when someone starts to bow. The air becomes dense as the crowd closes in and people trample over each other to take a look. Tenzo _knew_ this had been a bad idea and wants to triumphantly say _I told you so_ but there’s no space to turn around and face Kakashi right now. Although the attention is suffocating, when Kakashi’s hand moves from the small of his back to wrapping around his waist, the gesture is comforting and forces Tenzo to calm down. 

It reminds him of their dancing lessons when Kakashi had told him _focus on me_ and he allows Kakashi to wordlessly lead them out of the crowd. He thinks he hears Yugao delivering orders to give them space and by the time they escape there’s the sound of wood splintering and shattering, horses noisily braying and the crowd roaring at the joust they’ve all but missed. 

When they reach the open air, Tenzo detaches himself from Kakashi’s side and takes a generous inhale of the chilly air to clear his lungs. There’s a hand on his shoulder, Tenzo doesn’t need to turn to know it belongs to Kakashi, but the Uzushio prince doesn’t come nearer. 

An eagle’s cry that soars above their heads catches Tenzo’s attention and he grabs Kakashi’s hand from his shoulder. He turns and pleads Kakashi to, “Please behave.”

Then he follows the eagle in the sky with the prince in tow. 

The crowd for the eagle flying is much smaller to Tenzo’s relief and since the spectacle takes place in the sky, they can observe the eagles from the outskirts of the crowd. Tenzo watches in awe as the large birds swoop around the skies, their large wings stretched out to display the spread of their feathers and then the instructor tosses a loop high into the air and the bird sweeps into the loop before it comes down again. 

Tenzo turns to see Kakashi’s reaction at the display but Kakashi is already looking at him. It seems that even the chill of the winter air is getting to him because the exposed patch of his cheeks are lightly dusted pink. 

“What is it?” Kakashi prompts because Tenzo hasn’t said anything. 

“Nothing! I’m just having a good time.” Tenzo says. 

There’s a scatter of applause as the eagle lands back onto the instructor’s arm and it grabs Tenzo’s attention again. She bends down to introduce the bird to the children that have flocked around her, and some brave ones find the courage to stroke the bird on its head. 

“Show’s over.” Kakashi pulls on their hands, Tenzo realises they’ve been joined this entire time and wonders when he had gotten so used to reaching out for Kakashi. 

“What’s next?” Tenzo asks. 

“I heard there was a sword duel.” 

Yugao makes her presence known then. “Prince Kakashi, Prince Tenzo, I’m sorry but in my judgement, I believe that it would be dangerous to attend the duel.”

Tenzo frowns--he refuses to believe that he’s pouting. “But I won’t be dueling. We’ll just spectate.” 

Yugao is still tense and Tenzo knows that behind her visor, she’s pulling the same pinched expression she did when Tenzo came back to the palace spectacularly late and she had to escort him to Tsunade’s study. 

“I’m doing this for you, Prince Tenzo.” she whispers reluctantly, then with a much louder volume she orders them to “Please stay by me at all times. I cannot risk either of you getting injured, or worse.” 

It takes a little searching around the festival to find the duel. They come across another food stall, one that advertises roasted walnuts and they make a pit stop to grab some. Fortunately, it’s a young and disinterested girl who’s manning the stall and she gives them their food without batting an eye. 

The duel is a little further out, Tenzo presumes it’s for safety purposes and the large clearing serves as an arena. The crowd is a little thinner, mostly composed of men, although there are a few stray teens milling around looking for mischief. There’s already an ongoing fight, there are two men circling around the arena only donning a great helm, a shield, and a shoulder and arm piece for the arm that wields their sword. Tenzo’s only ever dueled in full armour and the sight makes him nervous. The worst injury he’s received from a duel was a bruise that coloured his entire side for weeks paired with a mild concussion. He doesn’t want to imagine what injuries could amass here with the little armour they have. 

Tenzo turns to Kakashi, and without looking over, Kakashi tilts his head slightly towards the brunette. “How does the duel end?” he asks quietly. 

One of Kakashi’s hands come up to his chin. “I suppose whoever draws first blood.” 

The fight continues. It seems that the short fighter is acting more defensively, whereas the taller fighter is almost always on the offense and leaves no space for the other man to get a hit in. The tall fighter has pushed the action to their side of the arena and Tenzo observes. The tall fighter is by no doubts, an experienced swordsman, he can tell that much but even the most talented fighters have their weak spots, Tenzo admits he has them too. 

But he’s not left with much time to figure out the fighter’s weaknesses because there’s a sudden cry and the shorter man drops to one knee. A shallow gash opens up like a curtain on his thigh. He drops his sword and reveals two hands, the customary gesture of surrender. The crowd cheers at the new appointed winner, but the tall fighter is raising his sword again. Tenzo surges forward, a hand on his arm stops him and he looks back, Yugao is shaking her head telling him to not get involved. He looks back and the fighter is still aiming and he’s already wasted precious seconds so he tears his arm out from Yugao’s grip and pushes through the people in front of him, he’s going to be too late, _not again_ \--

The final strike doesn’t reach. 

Yugao had been too busy in stopping Tenzo so that she didn’t have enough time to stop Kakashi who has stepped onto the arena and is clutching the fighter’s wrist above his head. A startled silence ripples across the crowd. 

“Nice of you to join us, Your Majesty.” The tall fighter says. 

“This match has finished.” Kakashi declares with unsettling finality. His eyes are stony and focused. 

Tenzo hasn’t seen this expression on Kakashi before. It’s borderline thunderous, his eyes dark and suffocating like storm clouds gathering together and ready to strike. 

“I beg to differ, I think it’s just begun, don’t you think?” The fighter asks rhetorically and tilts his head to the side tauntingly, and almost as if he forgot who Kakashi is, he adds, “ _Your Majesty_.”

Kakashi turns to the surrendered fighter. “Your fight’s finished, leave.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” The injured man doesn’t hesitate to limp to the sidelines.

When he’s safely set aside, Kakashi drops his hold and is about to return to his place with Tenzo in the crowd, but the fighter speaks again. “Are you refusing my challenge, Your Majesty?” he states loudly. Nobody joins the heckle. “You seemed so bold before, what’s changed? Are you afraid to lose?”

Kakashi doesn’t still but his motions slow. Yugao steps into the arena. “Prince Kakashi, it’s in our best decision to leave immediately.” 

Against his better judgement, and to Yugao’s stress, Tenzo steps forward too. He knows Kakashi’s made up his mind, but Tenzo doesn’t know how well versed he is with swordsmanship and if anyone is fit to join this duel now, it would be Tenzo. Most princes had fencing lessons on top of other sports, but those were thin rapiers and mostly choreographed for display. Tenzo sparred with the knights using broadswords.

“Kakashi,” he says placatingly. “I’ll do it.” 

“No.” Kakashi pushes the words out through his teeth as if he’s trying to soften the ferocity of his words. “I can’t let you Tenzo, it’s me he wants.” Suddenly, he grabs Yugao’s sword out of her hilt and he turns to face the fighter. “I accept your challenge. Whoever’s first to draw blood wins.” 

“Prince Kakashi!” Yugao exclaims panickedly. “Stand down!” 

“It’s too late,” Tenzo says. “He’s accepted the duel, if he stands down now, he’ll only get injured.” 

The fighter puffs his chest up proudly. “That’s what I like to see.”

Tenzo lays a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder, his other hand clutches at the crystal of his necklace and hopes King Hashirama can hear his silent prayers in the high heavens. Kakashi turns to face him, his expression much gentler when he locks eyes with Tenzo but his eyes are still lit up with determination. Kakashi removes his cloak and Tenzo takes it without prompt. His grip around the necklace tightens, Kakashi _is_ his significant other, in the eyes of the royal cabinet, of the kingdom, and all the technicalities that come with them. He lifts the necklace off and places it around Kakashi’s neck and tucks it into his doublet. 

“Don’t die.” Tenzo advises and punctuates it with another press of the crystal to Kakashi’s chest.

Yugao, much to her chagrin, pulls Tenzo back into the crowd as the duel begins. The participants meet in the middle where the referee explains the rules and Kakashi listens while he gears up with a great helm, shield, and shoulder and arm armour piece. The crowd bristles with a mix of nervous and giddy energy. They seem excited at the prospect of a prince engaging in a duel but simultaneously fear for his safety and the consequences that may arise if Kakashi comes out injured. 

They raise their swords at each other before taking place in their prospective starting areas. The referee stands in the middle and cries out, “Ladies and gentlemen, for this duel today’s unbeatable contender Ahas has challenged the crown prince! Feast your eyes for a duel of a lifetime!”

Kakashi fixes himself in first position, like most people do, Ahas, on the other hand, places himself in an alternate version of third position. Tenzo has only ever seen one person do that stance on the training grounds, _Anko_. 

He can’t recall where she picked it up from, or if she’s mentioned where she learnt it at all, but it sends Tenzo’s mind reeling. He knows how to fight this stance from his many spars with Anko, but he’s left that fight to Kakashi and all he can do is spectate. 

There’s no surprise when Ahas surges first, his stance making it much easier to swing the first strike but Kakashi’s stance is made for offense and defense and he quickly parries the attack. When the clanging noise of the swords’ impact rings across the arena, the realness of the fight finally sinks in and Tenzo forces himself to observe. Hopefully, Kakashi would hold up his end long enough so this time Tenzo could see if the other fighter had any tells. 

Much like the earlier fight, Ahas continues to strike offensively, moving in between each strike fluidly to ensure there are no openings but Kakashi deflects and defends himself with ease. In the previous fight, the shorter man had been pinned to the perimeter of the arena, but here, Kakashi stands his ground and is unmovable. It’s not long until the other man tires himself out, Tenzo can see his haggard breathing and there’s an indiscernible hesitation as his arm struggles to rise again but Kakashi sees it and makes his first attack. 

The crowd gasps at the change of pace and the challenger barely twists away from Kakashi’s strike. The prince has the upperhand now and wastes no time in twisting his position into fourth stance, his back leg supporting most of his weight and his front leg helps him swivel into his strikes, the momentum carries much more power than a regular attack and Ahas staggers backwards. Everytime he tries to find footing, Kakashi is in his space again and that’s when Tenzo sees it. The man has no problem steadying his right leg, but his left leg has a hint of a drag like it had been previously injured, but he still presses on, unwilling to go down without a fight. The crowd watches on with a frenzied murmur as if they’re afraid to anticipate the ending of the fight and ruin the prince’s chances of winning. 

There’s an even larger opening now that the fighter has used most of his energy and Kakashi doesn’t stop his relentless strikes. He gracefully meanders from one move to another, agile and powerful and Tenzo watches in awe. The opening’s enough to land a fatal blow and win. Tenzo knows Kakashi sees it, because he hesitates on the intake of his breath and his apprehension gives Ahas enough leeway to change the direction of the fight. Kakashi blocks the sword with his shield and roughly pushes it aside, it leaves Ahas wide open, his shield a fraction too late and with Kakashi’s sword aimed at his neck the fight comes to a standstill.

He doesn’t surrender. 

“Finish it, Your Majesty.” Ahas orders. “After all, it’s whoever draws blood first to win.” 

“No, you surrender.” Kakashi corrects with a steady voice. 

The other man tilts his head up defiantly at Kakashi as if he’s about to say something but stops himself. The sun gleams off Tenzo’s necklace that’s slipped out of Kakashi’s doublet and an eagle’s far away cry can be heard in the silence of the arena. Then there’s the wash of relief when the fighter’s sword and shield clatter on the ground and the crowd erupts into raucous cheering and applause. 

Kakashi bows customarily to the crowd and returns to Tenzo who gives him back his cloak but Ahas follows. Yugao takes her sword back from Kakashi and steps in front of the princes. Ahas raises his empty hands to show he means no harm and slowly takes his great helm off. His dark locks fall over his eyes and Tenzo recognises him as the man he greeted earlier from the dais. 

“I would just like to congratulate His Majesty on his swordsmanship.” Ahas reasons. 

“You fought well,” Kakashi responds, “only when you follow the rules.” 

Ahas’ mouth twitches but he smooths the motion with a smile. “I’ll try my best to respect them. Have a good day, Your Majesties.” 

When they leave the duelling grounds, Yugao turns on her heel and throws an accusing finger in Kakashi’s direction. “Prince Kakashi, I have half a mind to report to Queen Tsunade what happened today.” She crosses her arms and mutters mostly to herself. “She’ll probably hear it before me.”

“I’ll explain what happened,” Kakashi says. “I accepted the duel by myself.” 

“I know,” Yugao says exasperatedly. “You’re never going to be allowed to leave the royal panel now.” 

Kakashi shrugs and throws an arm around Tenzo. “I think I’ve seen enough of the festival, haven’t you Tenzo?” 

“I suppose so,” Tenzo says reluctantly. “Let’s return before Tsunade kills you.” 

Yugao has to report the day’s events to Tsunade when they get back to the royal panel. The knight leaves and reveals Tsunade’s pressed lips and two fingers rubbing at her temple. It’s her universal expression of _I am under immense stress but I can’t combust because I am in public and have an image to uphold but I will drink three bottles of wine when I get the chance_. She pulls her eyes over to the princes and beckons them over, they walk over like children waiting to be scolded.

However, “Did you have fun?” is her first question. 

“Yes, I’ve never quite celebrated the festival like this before.” Tenzo answers honestly. 

Tsunade’s expression is smoothed by affection but is then rumpled by a stony look when she casts her eyes over Kakashi. “Prince Kakashi, what on earth were you thinking?” 

“I’m sorry, Queen Tsunade.” 

“You intentionally endangered yourself,” she continues in a murderous tone. “Your life is on _me_ , and I can’t accept such recklessness. But I know you were only acting out of honour, and I understand what you have to prove to our kingdom. I also heard reports that you were an exceptional fighter so for future reference, I have faith that you will be able to stand your ground but please try not to participate in anymore public duels.”

“Thank you, Queen Tsunade.” Kakashi says. 

Tsunade sighs. “You’re dismissed.” 

They both walk to the banquet now that Tsunade is looking after the panel. There’s a long table lined down the middle of the street filled with enough food and drink to last the kingdom an entire month. Tenzo would know, he helped with the kitchen preparations and had seen quantities that wouldn’t fit in a recipe book. There are guards that separate the top quarter that’s reserved for nobility from the rest of the public sphere but the sound of excited clatter and utensils paints a good enough picture for Tenzo to imagine. It’s much more upbeat on the other side of the table compared to the condescending and mindless chatter of the nobility. 

When he takes a seat on the table, Kakashi joins him and he’s struck with the realisation that it’s the first time they’ll be eating a meal together. Even after their promise to get to know each other better, Tenzo still didn’t see Kakashi appear at the dining table and didn’t expect that notion to change anytime soon. 

He’s not that hungry, especially after eating cake and walnuts, so plucks a group of grapes from a bowl to snack on. Kakashi, conversely, is doing nothing. “Are you not hungry?” Tenzo asks. 

“I’ll eat later,” Kakashi answers. Tenzo supposes baby steps. Maybe in a few weeks Kakashi would dine in front of him. “The adrenaline from the duel has taken away my appetite.” 

“You’re surprisingly reckless,” Tenzo comments. “I didn’t expect that from you.” 

“Hm.” Kakashi hums but doesn’t follow it up with anything. 

Their conversation dies down and Tenzo continues to snack quietly. The sun’s beginning to set and it rekindles the excited flame of promises for tomorrow. He reaches for the satsumas on the table with Sukea in mind. He’s not sure if the fruit helps stave off his giddy impatience or if it only encourages him to think about the artist. 

“Is something funny?” 

“Huh?” Tenzo turns to Kakashi. “What is it?” 

“You were smiling, I thought you had heard something funny.” Kakashi points out. 

“Oh no--” Tenzo flusters and nearly chokes on the satsuma piece. “I was just thinking.”

Kakashi raises his brows but doesn’t press the subject. Tenzo realises he needs to distract himself quickly, maybe he should join Tsunade again at the dais to fill his head with more royal nonsense. Luckily that royal nonsense distraction comes in the physical form of Lady Utatane who has decided to join the table. It almost hurts to look at her dressed in full regalia and all her jewellery glints under the dying light of the sun and the lit torches around the table.

She places herself across the two princes and takes a sip of wine, she makes herself comfortable before saying, “Prince Kakashi, Prince Tenzo, I have to commend your wonderful speeches this morning.” 

“Thank you, Lady Utatane.” Kakashi replies and sits up straighter. 

“It’s lovely to see you boys getting along,” she says and gestures for one of the servers to plate for her. “Is everything going well I assume?” 

“Yes, Lady Utatane.” Tenzo answers this time because he’s sure that the loaded question is aimed at him. 

“Good.” Lady Utatane states but there’s no reassurance in her tone. “I’m glad you’re cooperating well on behalf of the kingdom.” 

When has Tenzo never cooperated for the kingdom? His chest tightens at the implication.

“Of course, I always want what’s well for the kingdom.” 

“As you should.” 

The conversation ends there and Tenzo ends his presence at the table too. He needs to leave. He isn’t going to allow Lady Utatane’s passive aggressive comments ruin a somewhat good day and the tightness in his chest is replaced with urgency instead. Kakashi, surprisingly follows him off the table and it marks a bingo on Tenzo’s bingo card of things Kakashi surprises him with. 

“You don’t always have to follow me around.” Tenzo says snappier than intended when he’s walking side by side with the Uzushio prince. 

“I--” 

“I know, I know,” Tenzo says, “we made a deal but I’d really appreciate it if you--” 

He stops himself. Did he want to be alone? He just wanted to leave the table. He looks at Kakashi who looks back at him expectantly and they stop in their tracks.

“If I what? If you wish to be alone, then I’ll leave.” Kakashi offers. 

It’s only when Kakashi moves that Tenzo decides, “No.” 

His hand has come to grip Kakashi’s. He can’t afford to be alone right now, after all, his distraction was short lived. “Where do you want to go, Tenzo?” Kakashi asks after a few moments of silence. 

“Spar with me.” 

“What?” 

Tenzo feels his spirits lift slightly. “Spar with me.” He repeats. “I’ve seen you fight, let’s go.” 

Kakashi doesn’t protest and Tenzo takes that as a yes and leads them back to the palace.

There are only a few knights on the training grounds, most of them had joined the festivities and the rest are on duty, so the princes have the grounds to themselves. Tenzo decides it’s best if they use the wooden swords that were used to train junior knights. He also didn’t feel like suiting up in his armour and he made a quiet promise to himself that this is going to be a quick spar and they’ll sneak back into the festival before Tsunade could notice and worry. 

They shed their cloaks and circle each other on the field. The itch that had forced him to leave the table is intensified and Tenzo feels like he can’t stop his body from vibrating with energy. They mirror each other with first stance, and unlike his duel from earlier, Kakashi strikes first and Tenzo parries with ease. 

They quickly fall into a dance. They switch between attack and defense, and even find the space to do silly flourishes with their swords that has both of them laughing at the absurdity. It’s a little careless and improper but they’re having unrestrained fun and aren’t under the careful eye of the public anymore. 

Now that Kakashi’s not fighting Ahas, Tenzo figures out Kakashi’s tell, although it takes a while for it to click. He’s sure that it’s Kakashi’s left eye, the one on the scarred side, has to some extent caused trouble with his peripheral vision. Tenzo realises this because there are certain angles where Kakashi reacts half a breath later and tries to make up for it with more speed. 

He tries striking him again from an angle he’s sure that Kakashi has trouble spotting and the reaction is immediate. Kakashi parries less accurately, but quickly and then sweeps Tenzo’s feet so that he stumbles to the ground. 

Even when he’s laid out flat on the ground, Tenzo raises his wooden sword mock menacingly at Kakashi’s throat when the Uzushio prince towers over him. They hold their swords out while they catch their breath and then Tenzo cracks a smile, tosses his sword aside, raises his empty hands up and declares, “I yield.” 

Kakashi extends his hand and pulls Tenzo up so that they’re face to face. Tenzo lands a little too close and he almost bumps noses with Kakashi. He swallows thickly. His eyes are unable to tear apart from Kakashi’s gaze. Kakashi’s eyes flick from Tenzo’s eyes to his mouth then back up again. Tenzo then presses his palm to Kakashi’s chest where his heart is beating rapidly from their spar and shakes them out of their spell. 

“Let’s go back, before they see we’re missing.” Tenzo says and steps out of Kakashi’s space. 

Kakashi nods and wordlessly goes to fetch their cloaks while Tenzo places the wooden swords away. Even sparring with Kakashi is a game of pretend. Neither seem to want to wield a real sword and Tenzo can’t decide if that’s because there’s the danger that one of them will get hurt or if it’s the fear that one of them will eventually have to yield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're so close to chapter 8 i'm so excited!!!!! hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! thank you for your patience, i had 3 assignments due last week and i'm a huge procastinator so i had to do them all last min last week and left no time for me to write this ;-;
> 
> sukea will be back soon, i've been missing him terribly and cant wait for his reappearance hehe
> 
> also what did you think of Ahas? v inchresting.................
> 
> i've also nearly finished the outline for the latter half of this story and OH BOY i am so excited to share it with you


	8. vii. i blink in sight, of your blinding light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Midwinter Festival ft. Sukea and shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so honoured to share [this](https://twitter.com/lalii_leni/status/1352309012671430657) lovely artwork by [@lalii_leni](https://twitter.com/lalii_leni) on twitter! Please go check out their Twitter because like us, they are also a fellow Yam stan <3
> 
> HEADS UP:  
> cw // mild panic attack, mention of suicidal ideation starts from "He hasn’t reacted like that in a long time..." and ends by "It's been a long time since then..."
> 
> EDIT 27/01/21:
> 
> I've had a look over the chapter and tweaked some stuff! The plot is exactly the same just some extra words where I felt like there should be extra words hehe

There was a knight, not much older than Tenzo, with shoulder length brown hair, chestnut eyes and who had a penchant for keeping a senbon in his mouth. Tenzo had been fifteen then, lean and wiry, and relatively new to the training grounds but equally determined as the rest of the knights to learn proper fighting techniques. He remembers how the knight used to make quips that Tenzo was too serious. He remembers unexpected laughter being pulled from his belly whenever the senbon wielding knight made a joke. He remembers that feeling, sinking in his stomach but never quite had a name for it.

It wasn’t anxiety. He’d known what anxiousness felt like, the way it thrummed under his skin and pushed him to the precipice of choosing between running and fighting even though he never had the choice to run before, so it wasn’t that. But it wasn’t quite excitement either. The feeling was too low and heavy in his gut and not quite the airy, inescapable glee that flew in his chest. 

The feeling pulled on his gut whenever he stepped on the grounds, nervous and excited at the same time with hopes of seeing the other knight. Then whenever he would see the glint of a senbon in the distance, the feeling would soar from his gut and scatter in his chest. 

That’s how Tenzo feels now. It’s the before, the same fleety rush in his stomach that can’t seem to escape him and he doesn’t know where it comes from. He’s been waiting for the last twenty minutes by the fountain looking incredibly suspicious with his cloak hood drawn in the middle of the day. 

Sukea is late. 

Normally, this wouldn’t bother Tenzo, after all they didn’t tend to organise their rendezvous in the woods but with every passing minute he fears that someone is going to recognise him and it’ll be in front of Sukea and the whole day will go up into flames. 

A hand on his shoulder almost startles him and he whizzes around to find Sukea’s warm and familiar smile. Two things happen then, Tenzo calms his frazzled heart and it’s quickly followed with the after. The fleety rush in his gut immediately rises to disperse in his chest, his stomach squirms and the smile that breaks on his face is fond, far too fond for a friendly face. 

“Sukea,” Tenzo greets amicably before feigning reprimand. He tries to manifest Tsunade’s disappointed scowl. “You’re late.” 

“I know, I’m sorry I got held up,” Sukea says and Tenzo doesn’t realise how much he’s missed the other man until he sees those familiar eyes, painted cheeks, and comforting smile. His eyebrows furrow and he reaches over to stroke the hem of Tenzo’s hood. “Why are you hiding, Yamato?”

“I get nervous,” Tenzo lies. 

Sukea tilts his head and then surveys the festival around him before his eyes light up. “Wait here.” he says and disappears into the stalls.

He returns with a mask in his hand. “Will this help?”

Tenzo takes the mask and examines it. Sukea had picked out a cat mask if the pointed feline eyes around the eye holes, black button nose and triangle ears are anything to go by. There are large red crescents painted on the outside of each eye and two deep green strokes sandwiching each outside of the crescent. Earth day celebrates agriculture so it’s common for vendors to sell animal themed masks, there are already a few people donning them around the town and it’ll make him blend right in. He places it over his face and his hood falls back. 

“A cat, huh?” Tenzo says tilting his chin towards Sukea to show off his new mask. 

“You remind me of one.” Sukea explains and strokes the paintwork on Tenzo’s mask. “It’s those eyes of yours.” 

It almost sounds like Tenzo’s not meant to hear it with the way Sukea’s voice has lowered, and the change in timbre makes Sukea’s sound like someone else he knows, but that thought is quickly discarded when Sukea smiles at him like that. His mouth brushes the edges of coy. 

(Tenzo wants to chase.) 

“I heard there’s going to be a show,” he says. The performance is on the other side of the town and far away from the royal panel, Tenzo isn’t risking anything today. “We should attend.” 

“Lead the way.” 

There’s a large stage with a vibrant blue backdrop that reminds Tenzo of the lazy ripples of the lake. In the middle of the backdrop is an equally bold sun painted in a strong yellow to show its importance in cultivating crops and served as a promise that she would return from her slumber in spring. The performance has barely started but there are already a handful of colourful dancers on stage, from the makeup on their face down to their frilly costumes and long trains that follow the rhythm of their bodies. It’s nothing like ballroom dancing with the same repetitive motions, each movement rigidly controlled and never reaching out of line but there, on the stage, each performer dances differently depending on the animal they represent. Their bodies coil when they graze across the stage, their arms stretch out wide like the wings of the eagle Tenzo watched the day before, and they leap high in the air yet land with precision and they don’t falter once. 

The music swells as the cacophony of colours and people begin to move faster, a flurry of painted arms, legs, and faces on the stage all blurring into each other and closely linked together to demonstrate the circle of life and how everything is intertwined. 

Then the circle is broken when the dancers jump off stage and they take the hands of the crowd to join them in their dance. The dancers scatter themselves around in the crowd, and one approaches Sukea who raises both hands and politely refuses but the dancer rolls her eyes and drags him into the quickly forming dance pit. Tenzo laughs at his dismay but that’s short lived when a dancer also grabs his hands and pulls him in to join the dance.

The dancer lets go of Tenzo’s hands and throws her arms into the air while she sways her hips to the rhythmic drum of the music and Tenzo desperately wishes he bought some mulled wine because sobriety isn’t helping his situation right now. Ballroom dancing seems far more easier than this, he had a teacher and had steps to follow but with freestyling, there’s almost too much freedom to do _anything_ so he reserves to slightly swaying to the music instead. 

She shakes her head at Tenzo before taking his hands again. “Loosen up.” the dancer rolls her shoulders and Tenzo timidly follows the motion. 

He listens to the music, he feels the electric energy of the crowd as they all jump around and feed off each other’s enthusiasm, he remembers his mask and realises that he’s not a prince here. He’s simply Yamato and the tension that keeps his back ramrod straight melts. 

The dancer nods her head approvingly and releases Tenzo’s hands to begin dancing properly. Tenzo looks to his left to search for Sukea who is loosely bobbing along to the music and as if on cue, turns to look at Tenzo and shoots him a wide grin. 

Their respective partners notice the exchange and once again take them by the hands. They dance between the crowd as they pull Tenzo and Sukea along and before they know it, the dancers exchange and leave the two men with each other. 

Tenzo continues to move as freely as he did before with the dancer and Sukea easily follows his lead. Someone bumps into him and he all but falls into Sukea. Tenzo flusters when Sukea catches him by the shoulders. He shoots him an apologetic look but that’s quickly erased by how amused Sukea’s expression is (he belatedly realises that Sukea can’t see from behind the mask either but he’s convinced that the pink has reached his ears). 

Sukea continues dancing. “Keep up, Yamato.” he teases. 

They explore their newly found space to the beat of the drums that reverb through the throngs of people. Tenzo laughs with unadulterated glee when Sukea attempts to spin him in the tightly knit crowd. 

They continue to dance for a while, keeping each other close until they both tire and leave the performance to stretch their legs and explore the rest of the festival. “You’re quite the dancer,” Sukea comments. 

Tenzo is about to return with a quip when a young girl, distracted with running and whatever game she’s playing, collides into Tenzo. Luckily, he catches her by the wrist before she gets knocked over but not before she drops whatever she had been clutching in her hand. 

“Sorry!” she says mortified as Tenzo kneels to grab what she had dropped. 

They’re sunflowers. Not real ones, of course, those won’t bloom until summer let alone bud this time of year, but they’re associated with abundance and longevity so it’s no surprise to see artificial ones crafted out of fabric. Bright and yellow, a pretty mimicry of the flowers that dotted that farmers’ fields. He holds the flower back up to the girl and it nearly escapes his grasp. 

“Thank you.” she says when she takes it back from him. 

Tenzo feels her name creep up. It’s an old name, buried a long time ago in the recesses of his memory and it’s being exhumed against his will. The dusty coffin emerges, rotting as her name bangs against the lid, a retired ghost threatens to escape. Her name starts to take form, he sees it in the strands of her deep mahogany hair, it’s in the darkest points of her indigo eyes, and he traces her name from the freckles of her cheeks. 

Her name is right there, bold and underlined. He feels his lips part but the words stick to his throat. It can’t be. 

“ _Mei!_ ” a voice yells and interrupts his trance. 

The girl--Mei-- turns around at the sound and runs off. Her mahogany hair flows in the wind like the branch of a tree. Tenzo stops himself from reaching out. 

It suddenly feels too cold. 

His chest twinges and he keeps his arms firmly to his sides when he stands up. His legs are a little shaky and the ground feels like loose dirt under his feet like he’s standing on a mound of soil from the grave that’s been dug from his mind.

There’s a hand cupping his mask. The touch pulls him back to earth but everything is still a little too hazy and unrefined. “--Yamato?” 

Tenzo turns to face the source of the voice, Sukea eyes him warily and Tenzo shifts slightly out of his space and out of his hold. His throat is tight. There’s not enough air outside here. 

“Are you alright?” Sukea asks although he knows it’s futile. He’s dropped his hand now but it stays suspended in the space between them.

Tenzo’s chest is tight. There’s not enough air outside. There’s not enough air in his lungs. “I’m fine.” he says and pushes the words off his tongue, his mind urging his body to obey his commands. 

He tries to relax his throat but each breath is offbeat and the mask is suffocating. His hands tremble when he hooks his fingers around the edges of the mask but decides against it, he doesn’t need another incident right now even if it means he chokes on recycled air. 

“Yamato, focus on me.” Sukea says steadily. Tenzo’s sure Sukea is standing right next to him but his voice sounds far away like he’s underwater in the lake. “Can you breathe with me?” 

Tenzo nods jerkily. He can do that. 

“Inhale,” Sukea instructs gently and counts. “Now exhale.” 

Tenzo follows obediently. Once he’s somewhat calmer than before, Sukea ushers them to a quiet alleyway where they have a little more privacy. His chest still feels constricted, like someone’s sitting on it but the cool shallow cycle of air is better than the hot agony of nothing at all. 

“Can you name three things you can see for me?” Sukea prompts. 

Tenzo swallows thickly and forces his eyes to pinpoint on anything. There’s a discarded wrapper on the cobblestone path, a puddle where a waterskin lays abandoned, and his eyes land on the calming green of Sukea’s scarf. “Wrapper, puddle, scarf.” Tenzo lists monotonously and points at each item. 

His head feels a little clearer now and his hand rests on the soft material of Sukea’s scarf. “How do you feel now, Yamato?” Sukea asks. 

Although his breathing is still a little ragged, Tenzo answers, “Better.” and tries not to sink down to the ground with relief. 

He glances up at Sukea whose face is uncharacteristically and deeply concerned. “Thank you.” Tenzo follows up and it eases some of the worry off Sukea’s face. 

He opens his mouth as if he’s about to make one of his customary remarks but shuts his mouth and instead unravels the scarf around his neck and wraps it around Tenzo. It smells like earth and satsumas. 

Tenzo wants to ask why but it’s unspoken the way they both know Sukea could only do so much to settle his nerves especially with the way he still jitters and can’t keep completely still. The scarf stands as a wordless statement to protect Tenzo and provides additional warmth now that he’s calmed down a little and the chill makes itself known. 

He hasn’t reacted like that in a long time and even then it was only on good days that Tsunade could calm him down. Only on good days that he would let her approach with her hands out and not flinch away. Only ever on good days that word could reach through the impenetrable barrier between him and the world. On bad days, however, he would sit upright in bed without notifying anyone because he needed to be alone. On bad days, trying to exist was tiring. Those days, he forced himself to remember to breathe because if he stopped thinking about breathing then he would die right there. 

(On his worst days, he would sometimes close his eyes and will himself to stop remembering.) 

It's been a long time since then, the guards no longer stand right outside his door anymore and instead wander up and down the wing instead, a sign that he’s gotten better--or at least he thought he had. 

Sukea fumbles with his pouch before offering a cloth covered lump. “Here, you need the energy.” 

Tenzo takes the lump and opens the cloth to reveal a bread roll. He breaks a part of and throws it into his mouth, he eats more for the sustenance than fulfilling his hunger. The bread tastes like how the palace kitchen bakes them and he remembers what he’s here for. 

“I think I saw a stall selling mulled wine not far from here.” Tenzo dusts the crumbs from his hands. 

Sukea’s brows raise slightly and his mouth quirks at the suggestion of mischief but follows Tenzo out of the alleyway without remark and back into the festivities.

He’s slightly tipsy but not blind. Besides, he can still walk in a straight line so nobody is allowed to reprimand him for public inebriation when someone else was literally arrested earlier for urinating in the streets after a few too many ciders. He’s just turned the corner when he spots a familiar head without their great helm on and Tenzo nearly spins on his heel to turn the other direction--but Sukea had really wanted to visit the square, there was word of artists setting up stalls, so he pushes himself forward but slows his pace. 

Sukea notices when he nearly leaves Tenzo behind him. “What’s wrong?” 

“Uh--” Tenzo begins and is quickly cut off when a drunk man trips loudly in front of them. The kerfuffle alerts Anko who starts to walk in their direction. 

Anko has seen Tenzo with a great helm more often than not, so if anyone were to recognise who he is with a mask on, it would be her. Anko who also has a huge mouth and would probably immediately demand why Tenzo’s currently parading around in a mask when he should really be on the royal panel. Irrationally, he makes a hasty harebrained decision and yanks on the front of Sukea’s cloak and pulls them away from the drunkard and into the wall behind him. 

“Wh--” Sukea says as he stumbles into Tenzo. 

Tenzo throws his arms around Sukea’s neck and pulls him down. Sukea has to brace his arm on the wall behind Tenzo who’s currently burrowing the side of his face into Sukea’s cloak and keeping one eye on Anko who’s only a few steps ahead of them. She surveys the drunkard, the guards had to keep order in the streets after all and if anyone seems overly inebriated then they had to sit in timeout until they sobered up, or if they’re particularly too drunk, they would pass out. Either way, Anko still needs to assess if the man’s sober enough to be left alone.

It’s hard to peer out of the mask’s eye holes and over his arm but fortunately Anko’s loud nature makes it easy to hear her when she starts to question the man. Once Tenzo’s confident that Anko’s preoccupied, he sighs a breath of relief and leans against the wall behind him. It’s only then his tipsy brain catches up with the rest of the situation. 

He looks up at Sukea whose drunk flush has deepened and reached his ears. It should be funny and Tenzo could drop a perfectly good remark on it now if he weren’t the one causing the expression. He looks down at Tenzo attentively as if he’s waiting for an explanation because Tenzo’s completely aware that he gets a little touchy when drunk but _this_ is miles over the line of touchy. 

“Just go along with it,” Tenzo hisses at Sukea’s surprised face, “I’ll explain after.” 

Sukea’s brows climb up his forehead but the arm that’s not bracing the wall drops to Tenzo’s waist and he pulls the crown prince closer effectively concealing most of Tenzo away from Anko’s field of sight. 

Sukea drops his head next to Tenzo’s ear and whispers, “Is this where I tell you an awful joke and you laugh loudly?” 

“It sounds like you’ve done this before.”

“Only with pretty boys who are engaged.” 

Tenzo flushes under his mask but his rebuttal dies in his throat when Anko’s voice noticeably gets louder and he presses himself impossibly closer to Sukea. He overhears her throwaway comment to her partner of _gross we’re in public_ as they walk past the two men. He can imagine the way Anko throws a cursory glance over their pressed bodies and then the way her face would scrunch in disgust akin to the one she’d pull whenever they had to do cardio during training, then her voice recedes in the distance. 

Tenzo sighs and slides his arms off Sukea’s neck to hold onto his shoulders instead. The artist still has his arm wrapped around Tenzo’s waist and after a brief moment paired with an inquisitive look from Tenzo, he belatedly drops his hold. He makes a non-committal noise when they both step away from each other. 

“Thanks for covering for me,” Tenzo says as if he hadn’t just thrown himself onto Sukea. 

“I guess you two have history?” Sukea suggests clearly wanting an explanation without prying too much into Tenzo’s personal life. 

“Let’s leave it at that.”

Sukea ungrudgingly accepts the answer without any further questions and they make their way to the square. There are a few artists littered around, one is painting caricatures in quick precise strokes, another is painting children’s face with colourful makeup much like the ones the dancers donned at the performance, and one artist has abandoned their brushes and has opted to use their hands instead displaying a show for the children enraptured with the unconventional method of painting. 

Tenzo allows himself to be dragged around the stalls where art is displayed on a corkboard and Sukea eyes each one carefully and flits between each piece but never wanders too far from Tenzo’s side. He hums under his breath, a jaunty ditty that was placed while they were getting mulled wine, and Tenzo finds himself staring at Sukea more than the art. He watches the way Sukea wrings his hands together in thought, his slender neck where it’s exposed from the top of his cloak because Tenzo’s the one wearing his scarf instead. He dips his chin down into the fabric and takes in the comforting scent of the earth and citrus. He feels warmth disperse from his chest to the tips of his fingers and that same fleety feeling fills his chest again. 

“Yamato,” Sukea catches his attention and gestures to a painting. “What do you think?” 

Tenzo leans over to take a good look at the painting of a cow that Sukea has singled out. The perspective is close as if the cow is trying to peer at them through the canvas, the artist has somehow managed to capture the curious expression in the cow, nose tilted up and eyes wide. 

“It’s nice.” Tenzo comments and Sukea’s face drops. 

“Descriptive.” he says flatly and then turns to the artist manning the stall. “I’ll take Rosanna the cow.” 

A smile creeps up on Tenzo’s face at Sukea’s sincerity and bumps their shoulders together as the artist packages the painting. “A cow?” his lilt is light. 

“I know great handiwork when I see one.” 

Then as it always does with Sukea, the sun begins to set early under the cloak of winter and Tenzo tries not to show his disappointment on his face when he sees the sun’s slight descent in the distance. Then as if Sukea can feel Tenzo’s discontent emanating from him, he says, “I heard there’s another show this evening,” he clears his throat nonchalantly, “if you’d like to join me, of course.” 

“I thought you promised to not whisk me away at the end of the night?” Tenzo jokingly parrots from their old conversation but he perks up at the idea of extending their day into the evening. 

“Can you blame me?” Sukea winks. 

Tenzo doesn’t answer that. “Where’s the show?” 

In hindsight, Tenzo should’ve asked Sukea to be more specific on where the show was going to be held because it’s too close to the royal panel for comfort. Hopefully Tsunade’s keeping a close eye on Kakashi especially after his antics yesterday and it’s preventing him from wandering too far to notice the budding crowd for the pyrotechnics show. 

Tenzo had missed yesterday’s pyrotechnics display due to his spar with Kakashi and has never seen it up this close. He nearly jumps out of his skin when the first one is set off and the loud explosion scares him so badly that Sukea has to hide his face into the crook of his elbow to not disturb the other attendees with his raucous laughter. 

“I didn’t realise it was going to be that loud.” Tenzo mumbles rubbing a hand on his chest over where his startled heart rabbits away. 

“I assume you’ve never seen fireworks then,” Sukea muses with a grin that hasn’t slipped from his face since Tenzo got frightened. 

Tenzo tilts his head back to admire the prism of colour that lights up the never ending black pit known as the winter night sky. The world is always bright and colourful whenever he’s around Sukea. From the flowers he twisted into crowns to his astringent paints and all the way to his blinding smile. Tenzo forces himself to keep looking at the night sky, for he fears if he looks at Sukea now, he won’t be able to look away. 

The sky lights up again. A gorgeous green that reminds Tenzo of Tsunade’s jade gowns. A never ending river of expensive fabric that declared its regal presence. A steely blue that’s reminiscent of a sword’s glint. The empty clang of weapons ringing against each other. A saturated yellow that glitters as bright as gold. One that he’s seen on buttons and on a pin that he’s left behind. It’s followed by a purple that Tenzo’s only seen at the break of dawn. The sparks branch out like wisteria flowers that hang off trees. Like the purple paint that sits on Sukea’s face. 

He’s unsure who reaches out first but he’s holding Sukea’s hand. Sukea must’ve brushed their knuckles together, then Tenzo must’ve followed by turning his palm towards the other man and then Sukea’s meek fingers had curled around his own and Tenzo found himself tentatively wrapping his fingers back. 

He blames Kakashi, he’s gotten used to searching for a hand to grasp but the Uzushio prince is the last of his worries because Sukea is pulling him in closer. Tenzo steals a glance and finds that Sukea is already looking back at him. The whites of his eyes glow with each colour that explodes in the sky, he’s haloed in swaithes of a luminescent glow and Tenzo feels himself enter Sukea’s orbit. 

Sukea cups Tenzo’s mask like he did earlier but this time Tenzo doesn’t move from the touch. There’s a pause that’s muffled by the foggy tension that draws between them. Sukea opens his mouth, “Te--”

A loud voice interrupts Sukea. “It’s a shame I didn’t get to see the princes today! I can’t believe neither of them showed up and I waited so long to see them too!” 

Tenzo drops Sukea’s hand as if he’s been burnt and brings two hands up to Sukea’s chest to force space between them. “I’m sorry,” spills out of his mouth. 

“Yamato--” 

“I’m sorry, Sukea.” Tenzo repeats now that he’s found his voice but can’t quite find the words. “I-I-” 

“--no, it’s okay don’t--” 

“--I think we should both go home.” 

Sukea snaps his mouth shut and any protests he had dies on his tongue. He averts his eyes to the ground and something uneasy trails the back of Tenzo’s throat. “Let’s go.” Sukea mutters and they both leave the show early. 

There are a million things racing through Tenzo’s mind but he circles to the first reason he had started spiralling. Kakashi didn’t turn up today, why was that? Maybe the woman was wrong and she had missed the Uzushio prince, but then she had waited for a long time. There would’ve been plenty of time for Kakashi to greet her at the royal panel. He frowns at his new findings, unsure of what to make of them. 

They make it back to the fountain and neither can seem to find the words to say goodbye just yet. Tenzo knows they have to address what just happened at the fireworks display but he’s tired and overwhelmed and all he wants to do is crash into bed and sleep off the entire day before he has to do it all over again tomorrow. 

“Thank you for today,” Tenzo says quietly like it’s an admission of his vices.

“It was my pleasure,” Sukea returns the sentiment softly. He doesn’t meet Tenzo’s eyes. “Take care, Yamato.” 

When Sukea’s figure disappears into the shadows of the night, it’s only then that Tenzo realises that his scarf still lays wrapped around the crown prince’s neck where it used to be a source of comfort just earlier today, begins to feel like timid fingers gently squeezing the sides of his throat.

The rest of the festival is repetitive blur of the royal panel and the fleeting glances of each event that Tenzo doesn’t have the luxury to enjoy anymore. He’s grateful that he had managed to escape earlier in the week but ever since the fireworks display, he can’t get Sukea out of his head and the way he had looked at Tenzo so expectantly. The way he seemed to weigh his options and almost decided that Tenzo was worth abandoning his morals. 

Even with all the loud celebrations surrounding him for the rest of the week, Tenzo had never felt so glum before and Tsunade’s warning about allowing himself to pretend for too long comically returns to taunt him. He had allowed himself to get too near and stepped over a fence that should’ve remained between Sukea and him. 

Still, he must look better than he feels because nobody’s questioned the slight shift in his attitude. Tenzo follows his duties obediently and the following dance at the end of the week goes smoothly as it always does with practice. There should be ease with the stability of performing duties Tenzo knows by heart, it’s all he’s ever worked towards for, attended lessons back to back and diligently practiced each day. Instead, it feels like a rug he sweeps his unwanted thoughts under. He hides them under practiced smiles and courtesies and he doesn’t have to think about them until they re-emerge later in the quiet thrum of the evening.

The following week after the festival, he decides to do something about it and in the afternoon and escapes to the forest in hopes that Sukea will be there. He needs to come clean or to end it or do both. The thought squeezes his sides with anxiety but the need to do the right by Sukea overpowers the nervous energy that thrums through his body. 

He’s halfway through his journey to their hideaway when he looks over his shoulder for the umpteenth time because the smell of Kakashi hasn’t left his senses. At first, Tenzo thought he had imagined it but the scent persisted and he became convinced that the Uzushio prince was quietly tailing him but there’s nobody there. 

He looks down and curses the palace for the identical cloaks because he had mistakenly taken Kakashi’s and that would explain why it felt like the crown prince was lingering nearby. It’s not the first time they’ve accidentally swapped cloaks now that they’re spending more time together and they’ve begun to frequent walks around the palace gardens when neither can seem to sleep. 

It’s late afternoon by the time Tenzo arrives at their usual spot without any sighting of Sukea. He paces for a while until he gets bored and settles at the root of a tree. He rests his head back with a thunk to the trunk and closes his eyes. Maybe Sukea’s busy and Tenzo’s being presumptuous in the way he expects the other man to be at their spot in the forest. 

Still, he doesn’t lose hope and decides to stay for a little while longer. Tenzo pulls out a play he’d been reading and continues where he left the sprig pressed between the pages. Kakashi had remarked that there were bookmarks for the same function but Tenzo had argued he preferred the look of the sprigs and Kakashi retaliated with a bookmark decorated with floral accents. 

He loses himself a little in the plot and by the time he looks back up at the horizon where the lake lays deceivingly still and where the sky is starting to sink into the clutches of nighttime. Tenzo rises to his feet with a sigh and disappointment stains his insides. He’ll try again next time. 

There’s no rush in his return to the palace, he knows that he’ll make it in time, so it’s a surprise to spot a guard this far out on the palace grounds. Are they surveilling the perimeter? Tenzo, alerted at the presence of the royal guard, quickens his pace and stops in front of them. 

“Prince Tenzo.” the guard says alarmed. His eyes widen at the sight of Tenzo. “You shouldn’t be here, you are to be evacuated immediately along with the rest of the family.” 

“Evacuated?” Tenzo repeats skeptically, it’s the only word he could pick up from the blur of the guard’s sentences and pushes down the panic that bubbles high in his chest. “Where’s my aunt? What’s happened?”

“Queen Tsunade has been safely evacuated to the designated location,” the guard reassures Tenzo but then they fidget as they hesitate to continue, “there’s been an unauthorised entry and an explosion in the North Wing.” 

A jolt of terror lights in Tenzo’s throat. “Has everyone been safely evacuated?” 

“Yes, everyone from the North Wing is safe.” The guard affirms, Tsunade’s study and Lady Shizune’s room are situated in the North Wing after all. But Tenzo can’t help but feel there’s something larger at play here. If the assailant wanted to harm Tsunade or enter the palace, there would be no need to set off an explosion because that would only draw attention towards the North Wing--unless that’s what they wanted in the first place. 

“Are all of the guards in the North Wing?” Tenzo asks, unsure of what the protocol is for these situations. 

The guard nods. “Most of them are investigating the North Wing now, but please don’t worry Prince Tenzo, we will take care of the problem.” 

“Just the North Wing?” Tenzo says weakly. He thinks of the abandoned places in the palace. “What about the other wings?” 

The guard frowns, not quite understanding what Tenzo’s suggesting and shifts uncomfortably on the spot. “Forgive me, Prince Tenzo for repeating myself but the other wings are fine. It seems that the intruders have only targeted the North Wing.” 

Tenzo changes his approach. “Who have you evacuated?” 

“Queen Tsunade and Lady Shizune have been evacuated alongside the rest of the court. The rest of the staff have followed protocol and are being looked after by the rest of the guards.” 

Tenzo’s heart sinks and his stomach knots up when that nagging fear is confirmed. He thinks of the now empty wings in the palace with nobody to patrol them and he asks his final question. “Tell me, where is Prince Kakashi?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uni starts back up for me tomorrow so it's why I updated today instead of Thursday, and this also means I can't guarantee anymore weekly updates unfortunately:-( I'm moving it to bi-weekly updates instead so the next update won't be until 09/02/21 (ps im from the UK so i mean february not september don't worry to any american moots) ALSO ALSO my uni days are wednesday, thursday, friday so i think i'm going to update every tuesday now but we will see how it goes!
> 
> ALSO YES IK IT'S A CILFFHANGER IM SORRY SDLKJFSDLKFJSDLK (am i tho?)
> 
> shout at me:  
> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com


	9. viii. don't feed me, i will come back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prince Tenzo investigates the situation at the palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS IS A DAY LATE BUT ENJOY!1
> 
> i drew very self indulgent art for this with [that scene from chapter 7](https://kakatenzo.tumblr.com/post/641792658994561024/how-i-imagined-this-scene-from-chapter-8-to-go) and [a royal smooch](https://kakatenzo.tumblr.com/post/642596362886758400/they-smooch)
> 
> I'm attaching the trigger warnings at the beginning of the chapter but be mindful there'll be slight spoilers
> 
> !! TW // blood, injury !!

Tenzo doesn’t wait for an answer because he knows he won’t receive one. Sometimes, he hates it when he’s right. He moves, intending to run back to the palace but the guard immediately prevents him from doing so with a hand to his chest. 

“I’m sorry Prince Tenzo, I need to escort you to safety.” They express regrettably with their voice tight with panic at the thought of Tenzo running head first into danger.

Something fierce solidifies just behind Tenzo’s sternum. A fiery determination carves itself into his chest. “I need you to stay at your post,” he commands without raising his voice. “I understand your concern but I need to be at the palace. You’ll stay here and report my order at the briefing.” 

The guard looks dumbfounded at Tenzo’s request but they move out of his way regardless and Tenzo rushes into the foliage with only the moon guiding him and lighting his path. 

He has to push through more guards at the palace gates, then later the entrance, and order them to stay at their stations. He receives an array of half protests but his word and royal authority ultimately triumphs their personal worries. Tenzo prefers not to abuse his position but something feels off and it’s unresolvable until he knows Kakashi’s safe and sound.

Inside the palace, there are only a few royal guards dotted around with stern expressions and the tension in the air is palpable enough that it wraps around Tenzo’s ribs like a vice. It doesn’t help that most rooms have been evacuated and most, if not all, of the staff have left and it makes the palace hauntingly quieter than usual. 

Tenzo makes his way upstairs and looks to the West Wing when he reaches the landing. He draws his sword out of its scabbard at his hip, the guards that usually stand post at the entrance of the wing are nowhere to be seen and he begins to search each room. He carefully examines each corner with an unfaltering grip on the hilt of his sword and accompanied by the adrenaline rushing under his skin. Each room leaves him empty, relieved, and unsettled. 

He stands before the final door. He’s sure it’s Kakashi’s room, the previous ones had no indication that Kakashi had made his space there, and he listens carefully. There’s no noise, mimicking the buildup of how he stood before each door and before he would find it desolate. But he’s not willing to take any risks, and with his sword poised to attack at a moment’s notice, he barges in.

Or at least he tries to. 

The door’s locked. Tenzo jiggles the doorknob with good measure but it’s unwilling to give in. To his surprise, Kakashi’s room and the rest of the West Wing is empty. 

He should be reassured-- that means Kakashi had managed to evacuate along with everybody else, right? But the guard in the forest didn’t know his whereabouts. The locked door should be a sign that he had plenty of time to lock his own door and leave. Then the adrenaline changes course. It plummets from his throat and chest down to his stomach and slides down to reach his feet. Tenzo’s moving again, this time to the direction of the East Wing. 

Much like its sister wing and the rest of the palace, the East Wing’s quiet and dark and without either of its guards standing at their posts. The hallways have been deserted before the oil lamps could be lt and Tenzo squints in the heavy darkness that encompasses him. It paints the wall and ceiling in an infinite black and he can barely make out the shapes on the floorway that stretches before him. 

It’s not long before his foot comes into contact with something on the floor. 

He focuses. It’s the crumpled body of a guard. He squats down and presses to fingers under the guard’s jaw to his pulse point. Where he should find the flighty thrum of a heartbeat is replaced by the stillness of sallow and lukewarm flesh. Tenzo rises with a sadness that makes itself known again. 

There’s another body just further down the hall but this time, Tenzo doesn’t recognise them as a guard. She’s dressed in all black and unassuming attire. The perfect outfit for a night time infiltration and as he brands her the intruder, there’s a loud and resounding thump like something heavy crashing into a wooden door. The sound comes from just up ahead. 

Tenzo’s head snaps up. It’s coming from his room. 

He moves quickly again, braces himself and swings the ajar door wide open. 

Tenzo hastily registers two people in his room that are engaged in a tense stalemate. One of them is Kakashi backed into the corner, his arm’s wrapped tightly around his middle and he visibly breathes heavily. His broad shoulders heave up and down as he stares down the assailant who’s similarly dressed in all black like the body in the hallway and with their back to Tenzo. Kakashi sways dangerously, it’s almost enough for Tenzo to reach out from across the room, and his eyes briefly look behind the assailant’s shoulder to lock on Tenzo’s gaze. Those dark grey eyes widen at the sight of Tenzo. 

It’s a small action but it’s enough for the assailant to notice and turn. 

A wicked grin climbs to his face. A dark lock of hair falls over his eyes. 

Ahas. 

It’s the same man Tenzo had greeted at the royal panel a week ago and the same one Kakashi had duelled at the festival. Ahas doesn’t hesitate to strike. He makes the first move like he does in the arena. Tenzo parries without a second thought. That fiery determination makes itself known and scurries through his veins like a fire following streaks of gunpowder.

The prince immediately falls into the muscle memory of training and he musters up the lessons he’d learnt in all his spars with Anko. Ahas uses the same alternate third stance that Anko had adapted in her fighting and he seems surprised at how Tenzo evades each of his attacks. 

Their swords meet in the middle. A fury of hot steel. There’s a wild gleam in Ahas’ eyes, carnal and animalistic but Tenzo fixes him with a stony gaze of determination. He’s already won this fight. 

The blades shake under the strain of each of its users and it’s only a matter of time until one of them will give into the tremble of the swords. Tenzo thinks of the way Ahas’ left leg had dragged in the festival, it was only slightly, as if he’d suffered a previous injury beforehand. Ahas moves his sword back. Tenzo has to move. _Now_. 

As Ahas moves to make another swipe at Tenzo, the prince, in one swift movement, jams the hilt of his sword into Ahas’ left thigh. The assassin buckles with a garbled cry and there’s a line of sting that sears across Tenzo’s cheek but the prince keeps flowing through his movements. Ahas is no longer there. He becomes one of the straw dummies on the training grounds. There’s a target painted on his torso, his eyes lose the manic gleam but driving a sword into packed straw is incomparable to cutting through skin, muscle, and bone. 

But there’s no time to wallow in that thought. 

Tenzo rushes over to where Kakashi’s breathing has taken an irregular pace. Blood stains Kakashi’s gloves, doublet and side. The metallic smell is tangible in the air and Tenzo’s sure he can taste it in the back of his throat but he pushes through. 

He takes Kakashi’s sash and wraps it around the Uzushio prince’s torso and finishes the wrapping with the press of his hands to help staunch the blood flow. He doesn’t know how badly Kakashi had been injured but there’s far too much blood for anything to be hopeful. 

“ _Tenzo_ ,” Kakashi grips the front of Tenzo’s tunic and he rasps, “Go alert the guards.” 

“I can’t leave you alone like this.” Tenzo says desperately. 

_Tenzo_.

“I’ve taken care of myself for this long, I’m sure I can do it for a little bit longer.” Kakashi teases but he’s far too pale and his voice loses its mirth halfway through. 

Tenzo forces himself up on wobbly knees and fetches guards with a warbled cry down the hallway alongside a demand for a medic. He returns to Kakashi’s side and gently pats Kakashi’s cheek. The Uzushio prince hazy stare calls to attention at Tenzo’s touch. “Kakashi, help’s on their way, you just need to focus on me.” 

Kakashi’s eyes scrunch up as if Tenzo had said something funny. It’s better than Kakashi’s previous unfocused stare. “Focus on you,” Kakashi parrots breathily. “I can do that.” 

_Tenzo_.

Time seems to stretch languidly between each second and Tenzo feels like he holds his breath until help arrives. He’s sure he’s talking but he feels like he’s outside his body. He watches himself babble helplessly while Kakashi hangs off every word like he’s holding on the ledge of each consonant. Then the guards will explode into the room. A sea of metal with the white of the medics’ tunics swimming in between. 

_Tenzo_.

They princes are both escorted out separately, Kakashi is whisked away on a stretcher and all the words that seemed to pour out of Tenzo’s mouth like the river that runs through the muddy banks of Konoha’s glades in the south-east, dry up and leave a drought in the back of his throat. 

_Tenzo._

There are questions. A lot of them. Too many of them. _Are you alright, Prince Tenzo? Are you injured, Prince Tenzo? Would you like to sit down, Prince Tenzo? What happened, Prince Tenzo?_ But they all mix into a thick slurry that can’t quite make it through his ears and into his head. He can’t differentiate each sentence from the other but he must’ve said something because they’re leading him somewhere else. Down, down, down a hall in a frenzied scurry where the oil lamps glow brightly and dance at the flurry of movements down the corridor.

_Tenzo_.

He’s sitting down now and stares blankly at the wall ahead of him. He must be in triage. He doesn’t know how much time passes until another person occupies the room but it’s not the nurse because they’re not wearing white. He distantly registers Tsunade’s face and the remaining embers of his ire extinguish at the calming sight of her jade robes. She crouches to level her gaze with him, she takes both of his hands into her hold, her hands are strikingly pale against the now dried blood on his hands. Red soaks through every line of his palm and runs rivers through the creases of his fingers. 

Tsunade, he thinks in his fog-addled brain when her mouth opens and then there’s a pause when she hesitates to say something. Tsunade, his brain confirms when she begins to speak but nothing can get past the muffled barrier between himself and the outside world. Tsunade. Tsunade. Tsunade. Tenzo knows it’s her but what comes out of his mouth is, “ _Yukimi_.” before unconsciousness drags him under. 

“ _Tenzo_.” she said weakly. She was older and far much braver than him. Strong willed, defiant, and free spirited although they’d both been caged for as long as he could remember. But now, her hand felt impossibly small on his cheek where he had kept it there and she felt even smaller in his arms. 

Tears sprang to his eyes. No, he wanted to tell her, I’m not Tenzo, he’s been dead for years but then she smiled like she knew him from before. Kinoe had always yearned for a life before and he ached hollowly at the sight of her fading eyes as he slowly learnt that there was no promise of an after. 

It was a painful lesson that had to be relearnt. Suffering had always been his teacher.

He was shaking now but he put on a brave face like she always did, although he felt it wasn’t as convincing. The sight of blood wasn’t uncommon but this was too much. Far too much. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to get rid of it. It blooms on her dress and stains his arms, his tunic, his senses. 

Yes, he was shaking now. She held herself very still. He was still shaking. It was the end of summer. 

It shouldn’t be this cold. 

When he wakes up, he’s greeted with a sight he hasn’t seen in a while and it takes a moment for the palace infirmary to register properly. It must be breaking dawn, if the lazy trickle of sunlight slipping from the window is anything to go by, and the absence of nurses and the physician invites silence into the room. 

Tenzo sits up, bites back on the nausea that creeps in, and forces himself to look down at his hands. They’re clean. Nothing’s been left behind. Even the spaces under his fingernails are clear. But his hands still tremble as he turns them over. 

“Tenzo?” says someone alarmedly, although they keep their voice quiet as if not to to disturb the silence that’s gathered in the room. 

The brunette turns to the source of the voice and finds Kakashi struggling to rise from where he’s laying on the bed. Tenzo jumps out of his own and presses a hand to Kakashi’s chest to force him to lie down again. “Don’t push yourself,” Tenzo warns and his eyes scan over Kakashi. 

The Uzushio prince wears a loose cotton shirt with a square neckline, the customary shirt given to patients and the one Tenzo dons too. The blanket comes up to Kakashi’s waist and gives no indication of his injury from the previous evening. Something guilty stirs in Tenzo’s gut. 

Kakashi reaches out to wrap a hand around Tenzo’s wrist. “Were you injured?” he gives Tenzo a once over and unlike their first meeting, Tenzo doesn’t feel chopped and strung under Kakashi’s sharp gaze. If he allowed himself to admit it, Kakashi’s almost fretful with the way unease touches his features. 

“No, no, I’m not injured.” Tenzo can’t remember much and trying to sort through his memories of last night is like waking through heavy water. The kind that’s difficult to swim against when you’ve sunk in too low into the water. It’s all refractions of moments, distorted and indecipherable. He thinks he can recall glimpses of Tsunade’s blonde hair and the repetitive clink of armour but it’s all swept away under the rush of water. Kakashi still eyes him warily because Tenzo must be in the infirmary for a reason. He quietly confesses, “I think I passed out.” 

Kakashi’s eyes focus on a point on Tenzo’s face and he self consciously raises his hand to feel the gauze on his cheek. He presses his fingers in harder and the dull ache sharpens, of course, he remembers now. Ahas had managed to catch his cheek with the tip of his sword. 

(Right before you killed him.)

“It’s but a scratch--don't worry.” Tenzo assures. Kakashi’s face softens but his eyes stay unconvinced before they harden to something more serious. 

“You didn’t evacuate.” Kakashi says accusingly as if he’s the one who should be upset--he looks the part too-- and the hearth of Tenzo’s chest lights up. 

“Neither did you, Kakashi.” Tenzo snaps. Kakashi’s recklessness was fun at a festival. It was fun to run away from the royal panel and gallivant around. It was fun to gape at shows but _this_. This is entirely dangerous. The possibility of Kakashi dying forms an unwelcome lump in Tenzo’s throat. 

Still, Kakashi is unmoved. “You came back, Tenzo. Why did you do that?” 

“Because _you_ stayed behind.” 

“I had to.” 

Tenzo seizes up at the shoulders, readying himself up to argue against Kakashi’s ridiculous reasons but at the sign of smoke escaping his fists, he drops it. He’s not going to argue about the value of either of their wellbeing or their lives since they’re both clearly determined to prove the other is wrong. The thought of Kakashi being self sacrificial and unfalteringly loyal only makes his nausea feel worse and his stomach prickle with discomfort. 

“I’m going to find my aunt. I’m sure she’d like an update. Please make sure you rest.” Tenzo delivers his words in a tone that demands no space for rebuttal. 

Kakashi wordlessly releases his ring of fingers around Tenzo’s wrist that leaves behind a brand that follows Tenzo all the way out of the infirmary. 

He informs the nurse that he’s going to see Tsunade before he leaves the premises and ensures her that he’s well enough. She advises him that if he feels any dizziness or lightheadedness that he’s to return to the infirmary immediately. When Tenzo makes his way to Tsunade’s study, the usual path to her study is different but he should’ve expected it the moment a royal guard had tailed him upon his exit from the infirmary. There are more guards stationed around the palace and less staff are scattered on the grounds, Tenzo assumes they’ve resorted to skeleton staff to run the necessary procedures for the palace. It feels more like the knights’ barracks than it does a palace with all the extra guards mulling around-- then Tenzo stops short at the top of the stairs.

The East Wing has been boarded off with four guards standing at the ready by the entrance. There’s enough light in the hallway that reveals they’ve cleared the bodies but Tenzo doesn’t allow himself to look for too long. 

He arrives at Tsunade’s study and knocks on the door. The guard answers it and welcomes Tenzo inside, Lady Shizune is nowhere to be seen and Tsunade has a grim expression fixed on her face. She dismisses the guards to step outside. 

“You should be in the infirmary.” Tsunade says sharply but she sounds tired and her lips are a thin line on her sullen face. She looks like she hasn’t slept. Tenzo can’t blame her. 

“I felt better so I left.” Tenzo answers honestly in a tone that tells Tsunade to not prod. 

“Is that so?” her brows raise but she moves on. “As you may have heard,” Tsunade begins with a carefully clear and steady voice, “we’ve already launched an investigation into the attack. We have a few groups under suspicion but we haven’t reached any conclusions as of yet. It’s far too early to be hastily blaming groups but we still need to act fast. The attack seemed premeditated but we’re still unsure on what their objective was considering that it didn’t involve me. I know you had a stressful night Tenzo, so I understand if you don’t, but is there anything you’d like to add to the investigation?”

Tenzo nods. “The assassin, I’d met him before at the festival.” 

Tsunade’s eyes widen and she sits up in her chair. “Where did you see him?” 

“He greeted me on the dais,” Tenzo recalls how Ahas shook his hand. The way his dark hair fell on his face. “He was also in the one that challenged Kakashi.” 

Tsunade takes the information in her stead. Her mouth has developed into a frown now and it’s one that Tenzo’s often seen in meetings where critical decisions had to be made. It’s as if he can see her trying to create links between the festival, Kakashi, Tenzo, and the attempted assassination. “Is that all?” Tsunade asks with a gesture of her hand.

“The assassin, he fought like Anko.” 

A flash of panic grips Tsunade’s face for a moment before she schools her expression into something more neutral. Tenzo’s stomach churns at the implication. He’s sure they both know what he means with this information but it’s still too early to make baseless accusations when all they’ve collected is mostly speculative evidence. 

After a moment, Tsunade says, “Thank you, Tenzo. You’re dismissed.”

Technically, Tenzo hasn’t been properly discharged from the infirmary but since all he had suffered was the slight cut on his cheek and a blackout episode that didn’t stem from a head injury, he was given the green light to leave without having to return to the infirmary. 

Unfortunately, his room is out of bounds for now so he’s temporarily moved to one of the guest suites on the ground floor. The North Wing’s compromised because of the explosion and the West Wing’s too close to the East Wing for anyone’s liking despite the extra security. Tenzo doesn’t mind, it’s not like has many chances to leave his new room in the first place or has any reason to. 

His personal guard even stands in the corner of his room unless told to do otherwise. Tsunade is seldom seen wandering the halls as she used to and the palace is a decibel quieter with skeleton staff running about. The last Tenzo had heard, the staff are all being questioned and there’s an undergoing investigation as part of protocol. He doesn’t think he’s seen the palace quite this secure, even after they rescued him from Danzo, although he suspects it may have to do with Kakashi’s presence as another royal to protect as a person and as connection to the Uzushio Kingdom. 

Speaking of, Kakashi’s still in the infirmary from what Tenzo’s heard, although he wouldn’t really know since he hasn’t visited since his impromptu leave. He doesn’t know what he would say because he’s not sorry for coming back and potentially saving Kakashi’s life. Had Kakashi been in Tenzo’s room when the assassins found him? He doesn’t know what to make of it and his lack of conversation with Kakashi makes it marginally more difficult. 

Tenzo idly flips through his book of pressed flowers but even the display of preserved petals does little to distract the buzzing swarm of thoughts that fly around in his brain. He can’t get rid of the feeling under his palms when he drove that sword into Ahas, how Kakashi had teetered on his feet, how close Tenzo was to being _just late_ \-- then there’s a knock at his door. 

The guard moves to answer it and Tenzo puts his book away on the bedside drawer as Tsunade enters and dismisses the guards outside with a tilt of her head. There’s badly hidden agitation in her agency but Tenzo tries not to jump to any conclusions. He stays seated on the edge of the bed while Tsunade crosses her arms over her chest. 

“I’ve talked to the coroner, she examined the assassins’ corpses and found two matching tattoos. We may have found a lead.” She unfolds her arms and reveals a folded piece of paper. “Can you promise not to pass out on me, Tenzo?” 

“I’ll try.” Tenzo says lightly with a grimace. 

Tsunade smooths her face with a slight smile but it’s quickly dropped as she opens the paper. There’s a sketch of the assassins’ tattoo, it coils on the page, the light reflects off its scales and Tenzo thinks the charcoal eye is looking directly at him. He voices the suspicion he had from the start: “Orochimaru.” 

“Unfortunately so,” Tsunade confirms dourly. “I just thought you should know.”

“I appreciate it.” Tenzo’s throat tightens but there’s something else. “This isn’t the same tattoo as Anko’s.” 

He’d seen it once. During a hot summer’s day, Tenzo hadn’t meant to but he caught a quick glimpse of the three tomoe tattoo just to the left of the neck of her nape. Later, Anko wouldn’t meet his eyes the entire afternoon. 

Tsunade sighs. “We believe they may be loyal followers to Orochimaru. They may have practiced under him or learned from him in some form but not quite the same training nor service that Anko had to undergo. Nevertheless, we’ll approach it with the same urgency as if Orochimaru himself attacked the palace.” 

“Do you know any reason why he would attack now?” Tenzo questions. If Orochimaru had been there for Tenzo and not Tsunade, then he should’ve infiltrated much sooner when he was younger. 

Tsunade’s expression darkens. “We’re still figuring it out. Hatake’s told me his side of the story and we’re piecing it together but at least we have a lead.” She reaches over to squeeze his shoulder. “We’re looking into it, Tenzo. You’re safe.”

He smiles at her and it must be convincing enough because Tsunade leaves shortly after. He decides he wants time for himself now that he feels offset and asks if the guard could stay outside. 

He no longer has the energy to peruse through his book of pressed flowers again and decides to stare at the canopy above him but it brings no comfort or familiarity since it’s not even his room. The book lays abandoned on his chest except for the gentle and repetitive caress he drags on the painted cover and remembers the serene afternoon he’d spent with Sukea when the artist had painted the book. 

He supposes it’s better that he’s no longer occupying his own room. If he closes his eyes for too long, he can still see Kakashi’s crumpled form in the corner, the way he’d gripped Tenzo’s sheets and the way his blood had stained the curtains, how it splattered across the wooden floor and then Kakashi’s eyes filled with a repelling mix of relief at the sight of Tenzo and panic when Kakashi realised that Tenzo had walked right into Ahas’ trap. 

Kakashi had either been caught at the wrong time in Tenzo’s room or he went there with the intention to protect Tenzo. The former is easier to think about. However, his thinking must’ve tired Tenzo out because before he knows it, he falls asleep to the ungiving nuance of his thoughts. 

“Tenzo!” she cried happily and scooped up Kinoe in her arms. When she stepped back her expression of glee was dropped. “I’m sorry, I thought you were somebody else.” 

Kinoe frowned. “Who did you think I was?” 

“You looked a lot like my younger brother,” she explained and tucks a piece of mahogany hair behind her ear. “I’m Yukimi, what’s your name?” 

“Kinoe.” 

_Tap. Tap._

“Nice to meet you, Kinoe. Could you help me? I’m looking for my brother. I think he’s in here but I don’t know my way around.” 

Kinoe was hesitant. He had other duties he needed to be getting along with but she was so nice and it would only take a moment so he reached out to take her hand. But when Kinoe closed his hand around hers, her fingers began to meld together, her digits morphing into the head of a snake which clamped its sharp teeth down into the meat of his palm instead. The inescapable venom of fear wound up his arm and Kinoe wanted to scream but no sound came out. 

_Tap. Tap._

He forced his legs to move but found that they were unwilling to. 

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

There was nowhere to go.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

The incessant knocking forces Tenzo to wake up with a startle and he presses a hand over his chest where his heart rattles away. The knocking continues but he doesn’t open the door. He finds his vigilance being reinforced after the attack and now with Tsunade’s new lead, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to settle his nerves for a while even with all the new guards surrounding the palace. The discomfort in his stomach weighs a little heavier now. He’d been convinced when he was younger that there were always eyes in the dark that watched him and now he feels the same unsettling notion slither into his bones. 

However, the noise doesn’t come from the door. It comes from the window. He doesn’t recall closing the curtains so it must’ve been one of the guards when they came to check on him. Tenzo grabs his sword from the dresser and approaches the curtains. He throws it open with one arm and points with the other, the end of the blade meets Kakashi’s face from the other side of the window. Tenzo drops the curtain in disbelief. Kakashi continues to knock again. 

“Can you let me in? It’s freezing.” comes Kakashi’s muffled voice. 

Tenzo is going to kill him. 

He returns his sword before returning to the window and opening it with more ferocity than intended to let the Uzushio prince in. “It’s late. You shouldn’t be here.” he hisses but Kakashi forces himself into the room and it makes Tenzo shuffle backwards. 

“Who says?” Kakashi closes the windows behind him and shuts the curtains for good measure. The cane he leans on doesn’t go unnoticed although it seems that Kakashi’s trying to hide it under the weight of his cloak. 

Kakashi is unbearable. Tenzo sighs. “You need to rest--” 

“--I wanted to say thank you.” 

Tenzo clamps his jaw shut and looks away from the badly hidden cane to meet Kakashi’s eyes. It’s the most open his expression has been, Kakashi invites gratitude’s graces on his features and something warm soothes the uneasiness in his stomach with Kakashi’s genuine sentiments. “You’re welcome,” he says timidly. It’s not often you save someone else’s life. 

(It’s the first time you managed to.) 

He looks at the cane again for a moment too long. Kakashi’s gloved hand imperceptibly clenches tighter. “Did I wake you?” Kakashi’s voice is impossibly soft. Tenzo didn’t think he could muster a tone like that.

“Yes--but I had a nightmare so I’m glad you came.” Tenzo looks to the side. He can’t remember what it was about but the feeling clings to him like he was being chased. Like he needed to escape but there was nowhere to go. 

“I get them too.” Kakashi quietly admits, Tenzo’s surprised at his admission but quickly moves on. “I won’t keep you too long, besides I’m not meant to be out--”

“--how’d you make it past all the guards?” Tenzo asks with a hint of amusement. He’s sure hobbling past all the extra security on a cane can’t be an easy task.

“I have my charms,” Kakashi winks and proceeds to continue, “but I wanted to give you this.” 

He produces a letter and Tenzo carefully takes it. It’s addressed to _Prince Tenzo Senju of Konoha_ and the handwriting is one that he’s unfamiliar with. Tenzo turns the letter in his hands and is greeted with the Uzushio seal embedded in the wax. He looks up at Kakashi inquisitively who gestures for him to open it. 

It’s an invitation for Tenzo to go to Uzushio and it’s signed off by King Sakumo Hatake of Uzushio. The King greets him warmly in the letter and welcomes Tenzo to the palace and reassures him that it’s not necessary to visit but King Sakumo would like to meet the prince.

Kakashi looks at the letter, “My father has invited us back to my kingdom to see how the arrangement is proceeding. I would appreciate it if you would accompany me but the decision is yours.”

With his nightmares plaguing every dark corner of his room, the insurmountable amount of stress and tension that weighs on the palace, it’s no surprise when Tenzo says, “Yes. I would be happy to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote the latter half of this while i had a ridiculous cold (im still suffering) so if it doesn't make sense it will make sense tomorrow when i read over it lskjflsdkfj
> 
> ps. ahas means snake in tagalog;p
> 
> thank you for reading this chapter!! we got a little more action hehe and the plot moves along some more
> 
> see you on 23/02!
> 
> share kkyam hcs
> 
> twitter: @mokutonyam  
> tumblr: kakatenzo.tumblr.com  
> ig: @tenzoarts
> 
> (the way i have 3 different handles)


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